Was I wrong to be offended?

snuff9861 · June 2012

A girl I went to high school and still occasionally talk to is getting married sometime soonish. Clearly I am not invited to the wedding, no biggie there. The thing that irks me is that I received a facebook invite to their jack and jill. Jack and Jills are common in my area. I personally hate them but whatever. So I declined the invite for FI and I. Today I updated my facebook status to say I was working til 3pm and she writes on it that since I have the evening free I should come to the Jack and Jill. UMM NO! First off, I am not invited to your wedding, so no way in hell am I helping you pay for it and second, my evening is not free. I am going to a friend's birthday party, to which I was invited. And do not have to pay for anything other than his gift.

GretchenLaRoux · June 2012

I think Jack and Jills are incredibly stupid, so I'd be bothered, too, not only to be invited to one but then to be asked about it even after RSVP'ing no.

anna.oskar · June 2012

I wouldn't be offended, but like you, I certainly wouldn't be going. Some people just have no idea that they're being rude. My step-sister was like that in wanting to invite tons of people to her shower but not the wedding. She had no idea that it came across as "You're not important enough to share our special day but I would love your money and gifts." She was mortified when I pointed it out to her. That aside, some people just don't care either. But try not to be offended. Just skip it, ignore it, an move on with your day as planned. It's not worth being upset about.

azdancer8 · June 2012

I think being offended might be overreacting a little bit, but your friend WAS rude. Just smile in the knowledge that you have much better etiquette than she does.

Enjoy the birthday party, though!

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Eh, I don't think this is worth being offended by. But, I also don't care if I'm invited to a wedding-related party and not the wedding itself (mostly because weddings are boring to me).

Sure, she was rude, but like anna said, she might not even realize it.

jnjmommy0609 · June 2012

It was rude but no sense in letting it bother you. Just let her know that you still cannot make it and move on.

So wtf is a Jack and Jill party?? Never heard of it. I get that it involves money to help pay for the wedding...which in my opinion is super rude in itself. But judgments aside what exactly goes on in one?

SherylA80 · June 2012

just be clear that you can not attend and move on you have no obligation with it.

Nebb · June 2012

Lol are you in canada? This happens to me all the time. I decline all jack and jills, they're gross. Pay for your own damn wedding and stop making people who you aren't even inviting to your wedding pay for it. Hate them!! Just shrug it off, people who throw them try so hard to get as many people to go cause they're greedy as hell. I declined one recently and was reinvited to try and get a different answer out of me.

snuff9861 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-wrong-to-be-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:41aece21-d674-41dd-8117-47766b426fc7Post:25f0613f-f01f-49a7-b80f-00df11a0a7f2">Re: Was I wrong to be offended?</a>:
[QUOTE]It was rude but no sense in letting it bother you. Just let her know that you still cannot make it and move on. So wtf is a Jack and Jill party?? Never heard of it. I get that it involves money to help pay for the wedding...which in my opinion is super rude in itself. <strong>But judgments aside what exactly goes on in one?
</strong>Posted by jnjmommy0609[/QUOTE]

It's essentially a fundraiser. People pay an entrance fee for tickets, which usually go into some sort of 50/50 draw. The bride and groom receive the profits from the bar sales. There's food, music and usually some games. I find them boring and tacky.

snuff9861 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-wrong-to-be-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:41aece21-d674-41dd-8117-47766b426fc7Post:2cf95458-efc0-4f4d-9f9d-cfc7494b06fd">Re:Was I wrong to be offended?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Lol are you in canada?</strong> This happens to me all the time. I decline all jack and jills, they're gross. Pay for your own damn wedding and stop making people who you aren't even inviting to your wedding pay for it. Hate them!! Just shrug it off, people who throw them try so hard to get as many people to go cause they're greedy as hell. I declined one recently and was reinvited to try and get a different answer out of me.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Indeed I am.

snuff9861 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-wrong-to-be-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:41aece21-d674-41dd-8117-47766b426fc7Post:dc31400d-ea25-4576-a0b5-8c218f6f0b1a">Re: Was I wrong to be offended?</a>:
[QUOTE]How many people did she invite? She may not have realized you declined.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I'm thinking she invited everyone she ever met as on the event description it says bring your friends. It lists me as not going right on the page.

Nebb · June 2012

In Response to Re:Was I wrong to be offended?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I wrong to be offended?:How many people did she invite? nbsp;She may not have realized you declined.Posted by edielauraI'm thinking she invited everyone she ever met as on the event description it says bring your friends. It lists me as not going right on the page. Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]
Yup, I think its regular for everyone on ones fb and the bridal parties fb to be invited. Into the hundreds.

LesPaul · June 2012

I had never heard of a J&J until I came here either, Dot. The whole idea of a wedding fundraiser turns me off. Pay for what you can afford - don't hit up friends and family for cash to pay for your PPD.

laurenoliveira23 · June 2012

my cousin just had one for her wedding ... well the fiance had a stag but its the same thing just no women were there haha and my dad was "instructed" to sell tickets and stuff

i think its an interesting idea for a good party but at the same time i am not doing one and probably wouldnt go to one

my point - dont worry about being offended it seems to be pretty common that people try to get as many people as they can to go and dont worry about declining either you're not obligated to buy tickets to anything ever

in my culture all the guests usually pay for their plate at a wedding anyway so i dont understand why a stag is needed on top of that .... "pay for your own wedding" is what im thinking too

[Deleted User] · June 2012

I am going to have a Jack and Jill to pay for my next vacation. Who wants to come?

Blueyed228 · June 2012

I got invited to one of these last year. They are not common here and the brides sister organized it and was really pushy about attendance and people selling tickets and donating stuff. I declined but when she contacted me again about it I told her exactly how i felt about it. I don't care. Betch had a lot of nerve considering I barely knew the groom and had never met the bride. This type of stuff irritates the piss out of me.

pearlaqua · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_was-i-wrong-to-be-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:41aece21-d674-41dd-8117-47766b426fc7Post:fd1eded9-9296-4cc9-bd3c-311e1d7ecdfd">Re: Was I wrong to be offended?</a>:
[QUOTE]I got invited to one of these last year. They are not common here and the brides sister organized it and was really pushy about attendance and people selling tickets and donating stuff. I declined but when she contacted me again about it I told her exactly how i felt about it. I don't care. Betch had a lot of nerve considering I barely knew the groom and had never met the bride. This type of stuff irritates the piss out of me.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

What did she say???

I'm always curious how people backpedal and try to explain their rude behavior. Tell tell! I'll go grab the popcorn.

Was I wrong to be offended?

Re: Was I wrong to be offended?

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