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Pre-Cana

libby18belllibby18bell member
100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
in Catholic Weddings
FI and I have pre-cana tomorrow, and we are both greatly looking forward to it.  We've already taken the focus test, but I assume we are going to go over that when the wedding gets closer (Oct Bride).  It's going to be a long day, 9 am to 9 pm, but we are both really excited.
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Re: Pre-Cana

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Just keep an open heart and mind and I am sure you will get a lot out of it. God Bless.
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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    Pre-cana, was a good day overall.  A few mixups with food, our priest had a dish with cheese in it as the main course and I gave up cheese for Lent, even though he said I could have some for my "suffering" he likes to tease my FI, I passed and we grabbed a bit after everything was done.  Overall it was a great day, and we learned a bit of stuff.  FI and I are big on communication, he doesn't let me hold stuff in, so some of that stuff wasn't new to us.  Our wedding isn't til October, so the remaining stuff, focus test results what not our priest said not to worry about til later.  
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  • MizLizzMizLizz member
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Comments
    The quality of marriage preparation programs vary from diocese to diocese, program to progrem.

     A former colleague of mine and his fiancee did the Engaged Encounter weekend. He couldn't say enough about the program. He said that he and his fiancee realized that there were topics that they hadn't discussed. Alas and alack, the marriage didn't last. He has since remarried.

    Another colleague did the multi-week marriage prep program at a regional location; in this case the Downtown territorial parish. She said that the program was very impersonal. She and her husband are still together

    A friend did a weekend (non-Engaged Encounter) program at a regional location in the suburbs. He said it was equivalent to the dating-and-marriage class that he -- and I -- took at our parochial high schools. He and his wife are still married

    A now-deceased religious educator that I knew said the she realized that the local diocese needed to improve its marriaged preparation programs.
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  • FiiancesFiiances member
    First Comment
    I highly recommend doing the Engaged Encounter!! FH and I went last month and it was HANDS DOWN one of the (if not THE) most memorable, special, and amazing experiences we have had as a couple. There are two couples who run the encounter and they were absolutely inspiring and so open about their own marriages and experiences.

    We arrived Friday night around 7 pm and did a couple of activities and also enjoyed talking with the other couples there. Saturday, the hosting couples gave an intro to each activity/discussion and then you have time to reflect on your own (there is a workbook) and time to discuss with your fiance. Literally, every topic you can think of is covered, and you go over everything with your fiance as a couple so you can be completely honest and open with each other. The weekend ends Sunday around 1pm. They served excellent home-cooked meals and there were plenty of snacks, coffee, tea, etc during breaks. 

    FH and I came away from the weekend with even more love for each other than when we arrived. We already felt very close before the weekend, and we feel that the encounter bonded us even further. We still talk about it and cannot wait to attend the Marriage Encounter after we are married!!

    Seriously, do not even think about it and just attend the Engaged Encounter!! I strongly recommend it to all engaged couples, even if they are not Catholic. Every engaged couple will benefit from the weekend. Bring your friends! It is so SO worth it. 

    The next one is Oct.18-20 at the seminary in Huntington. You can sign up by emailing the coordinators, Lenny and Pat, directly at: lenpat614@gmail.com
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  • amaryann210amaryann210 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    @Fiiances I'm glad you had a good experience.  Just a reminder that this board is national/international, so your recommendation doesn't apply to most of us. 
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  • RhiMarieCRhiMarieC member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Would anyone be willing to give me some advice and input regarding these classes? I'm not sure yet if my fiancé and I will be going through with a Catholic ceremony... but we talked to a priest a bit last night and he mentioned us needing to do some marriage prep work (I assume the Pre-Cana classes is what he meant). I am not Catholic (unbaptized Christian) but fiancé is. I'm just nervous about being uncomfortable and being judged or pressured. Will I be getting the "Catholic-guilt" my future mother-in-law lays on, or is it a pretty open and welcoming environment with good, applicable information for any Christian? The priest also suggested that we do a ceremony with an officiant of my choice for the wedding, and come to the church another time to do a "blessing" so that my fiance can remain in good standings with the church. This seemed odd to me though... if it truly is just a blessing (like a short prayer or something) I don't have an issue with it... but if it looks and feelings like a wedding ceremony... I'm not sure I can get on board with that. I don't want to have two weddings! I know I am one of a thousand people going through this same thing, so any input or advice or personal experiences.. please share! Thank you :) 
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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Welcome!

    Every marriage preparation is different -- some people go to a weekend retreat, other people have had to do an online course, and others have had meetings over the course of several weeks.  You shouldn't receive and "guilt-tripping."

    It troubles me that your priest would tell you to go have a separate ceremony and then have your marriage "blessed."  It really isn't that simple, and the priest shouldn't have told you so.  Your FI could receive a dispensation to marry outside of the church (if, for example, your uncle was a Protestant minister and was performing your ceremony), but in that case you wouldn't need a "blessing."  As far as I know, there's no such thing as a simple "prayer-and-you're-blessed" ceremony.  It's called a convalidation, and in the eyes of the church, it's your REAL wedding, so there would be the whole shebang -- readings, prayers, blessing of the rings, all of it.
    Anniversary

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  • libby18belllibby18bell member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    @RhiMarieC, I would recommend sitting down with a priest, possibly not this particularly one since he doesn't seem very open and welcoming and explain to him everything and what your options are.  If FI and you want to get married in the Catholic church you can look in to joining the church yourself, but that isn't required, the church allows one of the members of the couple to be non catholic so long as they (non catholic) support the Catholic in raising future children in the church.  I wouldn't worry about pre cana, as Professor said, people have had very different experiences with that.  Ours was a completely different layout than most, NFP was never mentioned once for example.  
    Anyways, like I said sit down with a priest and discuss options.  Does your FI still want to stay in good standing in the church?  Has he already semi left the church?  Most importantly don't marry in the church just for fear of family guilt or out of family obligations, just be honest and hopefully his family will be understanding with whatever decision you two make together.
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