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FMIL Update... Caution, this is an angry post (very long)

Ok, so I just got off the phone with my FMIL.

As a little background, she has done nothing but cause problems throughout the whole wedding planning process, and basically our whole relationship.

Anyway, so my phone call with this woman consisted of nothing but her trash talking, belittling me, and ended with her screaming as I hung up on her. I've been trying to get a hold of her for about 2 months now, and this is the first time she's picked up the damn phone.

I started off by asking her how she was doing because I hadn't spoken to her in a while. This must have been the worst thing I could have done because she responded, "Well is it my fault that you never want to talk to me, and keep my son from talking to me?" Um, what? I've been calling her everyday for 2 months (yes, literally everyday), and your son lives with you. How am I keeping him from speaking to you? Anyway, I ignored it, and moved on. I then asked her if I could talk to her about the guests she added last minute (15 extra people). She then responded with "If you have nothing better to do, then I guess so." Whatever, I ignored it. I then calmly explained to her how my parents were feeling very strained regarding finances, and adding 15 extra people would top off the budget and we still had things to pay off before the wedding in 16 days. I then told her that we devised a guest list about 4 months ago, consisting of as many people we could accomodate from each side of the family, and friends my fiance and I would like there. I then plainly told her that if she would like those 15 extra people there (that she invited 18 days before the wedding), my parents would appreciate her putting some money toward their seats, as they could not afford to accommodate those extra people.

This was when the apocalypse started. She freaking flipped. She creamed at me for a solid 23 minutes (I timed it) about how I was a spoiled brat who got everything I wanted and I never had to work for anything in my life and how I was going to ruin my fiance and bankrupt him. She also told me that she knew my family could afford it because my mom works in a bank (I have no idea what that has to do with aynthing), and we drive nice cars, and can afford to keep horses and have properties and she wasn't going to shell out a dime for this "backwoods hillbilly shotgun wedding" that her perfect son was getting into with white trash. (By the way, how can I be rich and be white trash? And I am not pregnant. Fiance and I are waiting for marriage to have sex, so it's basically impossible). She then continued to say I was the worst thing to have happened to my fiance, and he was much better off without me, and I've turned him against the whole family, and how nobody in his family likes me. She also yelled at me because the wedding started at 4 in the afternoon and that was too early and we didn't even ask her if it was okay with her, and it was rude to be getting married in my church instead of her church.

She then declared war on me and our wedding by stating "this wedding will happen when I die, and I will stand up and object to the marriage."

Let me clear up a few things she said: I am not a spoiled brat. I am an only child, but that had only made it harder for me growing up. I had to work for everything I got as a child. I had to prove it was worth my parents investing in.

I did not work in high school, my parents told me school is my job and if I need something they will provide for it, and if I want something, I had to work for it around the house and in the family business.

My fiance doesn't even have any money. We are both poor. He is a security officer, and I am a teacher working for my stepdads business until the new school year starts. In fact, I'm the one doing the finances to make sure we stay on budget.

Yes, my mom works in a bank, and she is high up in the bank. But she worked her tail off to get where she is. And if anybody knows anything about the economy right now, banks aren't very profitable. My stepdad owns his own business selling used trucks and renting Hertz cars and Penkse moving trucks. It is not doing well, again, attributed to the economy. My parents are fortunate enough to be very good with money and have saved and invested throughout the good times, so they are not hurting, but they are not fruitful. This wedding is a huge cost for them (and it isn't an expensive wedding).

We do not drive nice cars. My whole family has cars that are 2002 or older. They are constantly being repaired as well. I do not care about this. I don't need a nice car. I'd rather live in a nice house than drive a nice car. My fiance's mom, however, drives a brand new BMW, yet is "poor." Sure you are, lady.

Yes, we have horses. But like I said before, my parents are good with their money, and the horses are part of their investment, and yes they have properties, as an investment.

I am definitely not the worst thing to ever happen to my fiance. When we met, he was a college drop out working part time at Bed Bath and Beyond. Since then, he went through the police academy, has a full time job in security, and his life is on track toward great things. Yeah, I'm SOO bad for him.

My fiance has always had a strained relationship with one of his brothers. His brother is jealous of his life because his hasn't turned out like he wanted because he got a girl pregnant young and can't do what he wants. Not my fiance's problem. He gets along with everyone else in his family. And I don't care if they don't like me. I'm marrying my fiance because I love him, not because of his family.

4 in the afternoon was when the church permitted us to get married. We even had to fight for that time, because they had a cap time of 1 PM. And yes, we are getting married in my fiance and MY church instead of hers. My fiance doesn't go to her church, and they only speak Spanish. I've been at my church since I was 8 years old, and the Pastor marrying us has been my Pastor since that time. He married my mom and my stepdad IN THAT SAME CHURCH, and promised me when I was 8 he would marry me too. My fiance and I also got ENGAGED at that church. DUH! Of course we are getting married there!

Oh, and we took out the part of "if anyone would like to object, please say now" because of people like her. And this wedding will happen, so I hope that's not an omen of her dying soon... not. lol

Anyway, sorry for venting for so long.
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Re: FMIL Update... Caution, this is an angry post (very long)

  • Wow. I read your whole post. She sounds horrible and this made ME angry!! I see your need to vent but at this point there is nothing else left to do but to stay far away from her, and her negativity. It's obvious she is very upset about something and is taking her frustrations out on you. It may be that she is sad about losing her son and is jealous. My future FIL is a huge jerk so I know your pain. I just have come to the point where I no longer care and just ignore him. He is jealous that his son makes me more of a priority then him. The most important part is your FI and how he handles the situation. He really needs to have a conversation with her and lay down the law. If my FI and I were in this situation we would consider uninviting her to the wedding. Especially since she threatened to ruin it.


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  • edited May 2012
    Holy crap! I am so sorry to hear you went through this with your FMIL...hugs to you! Unbelievable! Based on what you said, you are a great person and have even brought the best out of your FI with encouraging him to better himself. I admire your strength and tenacity to hold your ground. Sadly, there are mothers who are like your FMIL who for whatever reason have illegitimate reasons to not get along with their future daughter in-laws. Maybe she is having a really hard time realizing her son is getting married and has a possessive problem? Whatever the case may be, I applaud you for standing your ground and telling her that she should fork up the money to pay for her last minute guests.

    I would suggest to talk to your FI about this situation so you two can be both on the same page on whether you should even include those guests since his mom doesn't want to pay for them. Whether she decides to not attend your wedding or if she does decided to attend and has a sour face on....remember, it's your wedding, your happiness, and life. Don't let her ruin it for you and your FI. She will be at a big disadvantage when she realizes all the harm and problems she has impossed on you and her son.

    I wish you nothing but positive vibes and best wishes!
  • I really feel for you having to go through this mess when it should be one of the happiest times of your life.  Hang in there and try to avoid her if you can. 
  • I wish you'd called her in front of Jose.... How dare she. My ex's mother was the same way ( she tried to make me go into anaphylactic shock 3times after she found out I was allergic to iodine). Some ppl are just evil. You def need to let the FI know about this, she can't just go around disrespecting you like that. Again I warn you, tread carefully, Mothers can be extreme about their sons. Don't say anything that will compromise your position as the nice, loving FI you are.
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  • Thanks for all the support ladies. My fiance and I agreed a long time ago that my problems with his mother are mine, and mine alone. I told him I'd rather not have him involved unless extreme circumstances because I don't want him to have a strained relationship with her. He knows some of what's going on, but not everything, and I'd rather it be that way. I think from now on though, I will not be talking to her socially.
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  • Oh and Nikki, she knows I am allergic to shellfish, shrimp, and foods cooked in certain spices and oils, but she gets offended when I don't eat them when she cooks them for meals. I brought my own meal once (that I cooked beforehand) because she was having a seafood party and literally couldn't eat anything. As soon as I got there and asked to use her microwave to heat up my food, she started crying hysterically. She locked herself in her room for an hour because I wouldn't eat her food, and demanded I throw it away. The only reason she came out was because I tossed the food in the trash, and even then she gave me cold looks and complained about me to family the rest of the night. I remember I was starving, and my fiance drove me to a drive thru at midnight.
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  • DRAMA QUEEN!!! Holy moly this lady is crazy!! Bless your heart!!! She gets worse with every post!! Is she married??? she sounds like she is starved for attention and really having a tough time letting go of her son.  I sure hope she comes to her senses but it sounds like she is very selfish and does not care about anyone but herself, including her son.  How can she not want the best for him and for y'all to be happy?? I am praying for you and FI's situation.  keep us posted, we are here for you!!! xo
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  • She is married, has been 3 times. She's been in the same marriage for over 10 years, so she can't be starved for attention. She's just nuts lol
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  • AMYM312AMYM312 member
    100 Comments
    I really hope you ended that call by telling her to go F herself. I'm sorry, but you need to put your foot down. If she does not approve of her son marrying you then she should not be going to the wedding. And inviting people on your dime? Not a chance!!! And I see that your fiance doesn't get involved which is a huge part of the problem. He needs to explain to her that you are going to be his wife and there is no reason for her to treat you the way she does.

    Personally, I would rather go off on the woman for treating you like that and have her be mad at you for sticking up for yourself instead of letting her walk all over you. If you don't nip it in the bud now it's only going to get worse and your FI should not have to choose between either of you.
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  • Holy Sh*t. 

    I am SO sorry. This women sounds freakin' insane!!!! I'm so sad that you had to deal with this crap and listen to the awful things she said about you.

    I absolutely commend you for taking the high road as I'm pretty sure I would've screamed at her. Ugh. You poor thing. I wish I had good advice but please know that I'm sending major vibes your way!!

    ::hugs::

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  • I just hung up on her while she was screaming. She didn't call me back after I did, and I'm okay with that lol At this point, since we are so close to the wedding, I'm just ignoring her and her rude remarks. When we get back from the honeymoon, though, I will set things straight. I'm taking the high road now to just get through this, but when we come back I will get in her face, and my fiance has permitted me to do so. My fiance has stuck up for me in the past, but it doesn't make a bit of a difference, so I eventually just told him not to waste his breath, that I'm a big girl, and I can stick up for myself. My fiance will always chose me in the end, because I've been nothing but good for him, and she's burned him in the past. When we first got engaged she demanded to know how much he spent on the ring and she yelled at him for spending as much as he did, because he could have used the money to help his mom with bills. He already gives her $100 a week to help out. (Thank God that will be over with when we get married). I've already made it clear (and my fiance agrees with me) that if she clashes with me from the wedding day on, I will get in her face lol
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  • edited May 2012
    Just my two cents....I think your FI needs to get involved-think about your future and when you have your own kids,...There is an old saying "if you're friends with me, you're friends with my marriage"
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  • You are a saint for allowing your Fiance a free pass from dealing with her drama! She is emotionally abusive to you and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. I mean, you wouldn't even have to deal with her if it wasn't for HIM. Plus it sounds like they already have a strained relationship since she has burned him in the past. Get him involved or else she will never stop.

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  • OMG! I am sorry this is happening to you. Sending good vibes your way. I don't understand why some mother's are obsessed with their son's. I can only speak from experience because my FMIL is Nice/Nasty.  At some point your FI is going to have to check her. if that means cutting her off for an amount of time until she treat you with respect then so be it.

    You guys don't ever have to like each other but common courtesy and respect is non-negotiable!

    Best of luck to you on your wedding day and beyond!
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