What else can FSIL do??

KittyW11 · February 2010

My FI's sister and I don't get along well, but I was originally going to ask her to be a BM so we could "bond"....... Except she's made it pretty clear that we're not going to be pals. So for the sake of not making things worse, I do want to include her in some way, if not as an attendant.

Also, I don't want to piss off FMIL. Apparently it's important to ask siblings to be in the WP?? Whatever. I have one brother, and I would love if he could stand up there with us, but that's not my half the WP, so I let it go. Now my mom's ticked that FI didn't ask my bro to be a GM. She knows I'm not asking FSIL, so it's not exactly a fair situation here, for her to be upset.

Should I just give it a shot and ask the FSIL if she wants to be a BM? I have this sinking feeling she'd be like, "uhmmmm no?" I know I'm bordering on detesting her, and I believe the feeling is mutual. Having her next to me at my ceremony kind of sours it...

Yes, I know, I know, there are thousands of other brides who have posted about whether to include the FSIL as a BM. I get it. What I want to know is, what else can she do?? I already have a hostess and readers at the ceremony, and anyway I don't want to give her a "job," but rather something to honor her, if only for the family's sake.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

deepcovejackie · February 2010

Listen to mbcdefg.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

Malphabet is right.

Or, your FI can ask her to be a reader, and your brother can be another reader, or an usher.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Yup, ditto the others. Her being a BM (or anything else related to your wedding) won't "bond" you. Weddings don't change relationships. If your FSIL wanted to be a BM, for the sake of family peace I'd probably say you should ask her, but if it's just the moms getting all worked up they can be told to relax.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Ditto Malphabet. Ask your brother to be your attendant. Then leave it up to your FI to decide if he wants to ask his sister.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_else-can-fsil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:76b5a80e-8740-4eda-8b06-ea685a29e460Post:2226aae8-41f2-40d7-be31-ec512531539d">What else can FSIL do??</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's sister and I don't get along well, but I was originally going to ask her to be a BM so we could "bond"....... Except she's made it pretty clear that we're not going to be pals. So for the sake of not making things worse, I do want to include her in some way, if not as an attendant. Also, I don't want to piss off FMIL. Apparently it's important to ask siblings to be in the WP?? Whatever. I have one brother, and I would love if he could stand up there with us, but that's not my half the WP, so I let it go. Now my mom's ticked that FI didn't ask my bro to be a GM. She knows I'm not asking FSIL, so it's not exactly a fair situation here, for her to be upset. Should I just give it a shot and ask the FSIL if she wants to be a BM? I have this sinking feeling she'd be like, "uhmmmm no?" I know I'm bordering on detesting her, and I believe the feeling is mutual. Having her next to me at my ceremony kind of sours it... Yes, I know, I know, there are thousands of other brides who have posted about whether to include the FSIL as a BM. I get it. What I want to know is, what else can she do?? I already have a hostess and readers at the ceremony, and anyway I don't want to give her a "job," but rather something to honor her, if only for the family's sake. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Posted by KittyW11[/QUOTE]
My brother's on my side, mainly because he's a pill and doesn't get along with FI. Mixed gender parties are pretty common. FI can either ask her to be on his side, or tell his mother that you've already chosen your WP.

Anything that isn't part of the ceremony is a job. If all the ceremony slots are filled and you don't want to add an extra reading or rearrange people, then that's that.

KittyW11 · February 2010

I had never thought about having her seated during the seating of the mothers/grandmothers! That is a fantastic idea! Thank you all so much for your suggestions, I'm sure that things will turn out well in the end. I just need to get over my jitters and stop stressing!

spenet1 · February 2010

I wish I'd seen this thread months ago!! My FSIL and I REALLY don't get along. She truly despises me, and I'm kinda dreading having holidays with her for the rest of my life. (Although she tends to avoid them as much as she can, causing even more turmoil within his family. It's a mess.). But since she and FI were super close (before I came into the picture), I asked her on behalf of both of us to be a bridesmaid. When I asked, I made it clear that she could think about it and decide if she actually wants to be a part of it, and to my surprise she said yes immediately. She occasionally offers ervices, like printing STDs at work, etc, but still avoids "wedding talk" (wouldnt come to the bridal show with me, didn't want to show me her bridesmaid dress picks in advance, yadda yadda). She's an enigma. But seriously- having her walked down in the processional or just doing a reading or something would have been EXPONENTIALLY better!!!

What else can FSIL do??

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