NWR: Why men cheat

housewifehobbiest · January 2012

I honestly think this is a big bunch of self deceiving bull, but it's always interesting to read the thought process behind an opinion the polar opposite of your own.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html?ref=tw

What a depressing world this woman lives in IMHO.

Edit: For the TL;DR crowd- the author is claiming that monogamy is a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that can lead to a life of anger and contempt for men. Basically women who punish men for cheating are controlling harpies fighting nature

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

This is such bullsh*t. I grew up in a home where dad cheated and it did not make him a better or more-satisfied husband. If anything, he was a significantly worse father and husband because the cheating diverted his focus from his family. It also seriously killed my, my mom's and my sibling's self-esteem, because we weren't "good enough" to keep his attention the way the string of floozies he barely attempted to conceal did. Articles like this are ridiculous - they assume cheating is this harmless little thing where you just go have sex with someone who isn't your spouse and then go home, but that's just not reality. Cheating takes your time, energy, and attention away from your spouse/family and places it on the pursuit of new playmates to keep your bed warm. If I'm someone's wife, I expect that I (and our hypothetical children) will be my husband's first priority. How can we be his first priority when he's out looking for fresh tail?

If a couple agrees to have an open relationship, or an open marriage, or whatever, then more power to them. But to propose that men "need" to cheat (and to imply that any woman who doesn't "allow" her man to cheat is some sort of unreasonable harpy who's trying to impinge on his "natural urges") is absolutely ridiculous.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

Wow I wasn't aware that men NEED to cheat. My grandparents have been married for 66 years. I would bet my life that neither of them ever cheated. Men don't NEED to cheat. Men cheat when they are insecure or too lazy to try and make their own marriages/relationships work.

Edited for word choice.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-men-cheat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b485588-36c5-414f-aaf0-b365a7264abePost:b998cbda-fbbd-4ba6-b6e0-a2eed022f0a3">NWR: Why men cheat</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly think this is a big bunch of self deceiving bull, but it's always interesting to read the thought process behind an opinion the polar opposite of your own. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html?ref=tw" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html?ref=tw</a> <strong>What a depressing world this woman lives in IMHO.</strong>
Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

I agree with this too. If a couple chooses to be open, that's their choice. No biggie. But she's more or less putting monogamy down, which is crap. This argument that men need to cheat is probably made by women who are cheated on (in monogomous relationships) and are too insecure to demand better from their partners.

housewifehobbiest · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-men-cheat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b485588-36c5-414f-aaf0-b365a7264abePost:f642a725-270e-48d9-a905-b59ae25cf5e7">Re: NWR: Why men cheat</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to NWR: Why men cheat : This argument that men need to cheat is probably made by women who are cheated on (in monogomous relationships) and are too insecure to demand better from their partners.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

That's how I read it too, which just kind of makes me more sad than angry.

Simply Fated · January 2012

I don't think that writer knows the difference between "wants" and "needs.".

Meg1036 · January 2012

I think there is not point to the article, because the guy interviewed is conflating two concepts that are related, but different: non-monogamy, and cheating. He is basically saying that monogamy is not good for relationships, and heck, maybe there's some truth to that. But then he jumps about a mile ahead of himself and says that since monogamy is not for everyone, cheating must be. He dismisses the idea that couples can mutually negotiate a solution for themselves - which would not be cheating.

fluttaby32 · January 2012

Just plain disgusting. I hate how cheating seems to be becoming almost socially acceptable.. you cant even watch a movie or tv show without cheating being everywhere.

ootmother2 · January 2012

What a crock of sh!t!

Did Hugh Hefner write that when he was 14? Sounds like it

Loopyseven · January 2012

I didn't read it... There's absolutely no justification for it.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-men-cheat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b485588-36c5-414f-aaf0-b365a7264abePost:36282d64-bafc-4c1c-9b49-e88dd2dd1c94">Re: NWR: Why men cheat</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read it... There's absolutely no justification for it.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

But Loopy, you don't understand... men have, like, physical urges and stuff, and self-control is just really, really hard. It's, like, fundamentally unfair to expect a guy to control himself when he has the "biological need" to do chicks who aren't his wife.

(In case it's not clear, that's my sarcasm font.)

Loopyseven · January 2012

Ha..

ZombieNates · January 2012

Maybe I'm reading the article differently, but it seems the guy is advocating openness in relationships, not necessarily cheating. Sure, he says that men cheat because they crave open relationships, but I didn't get the total vibe of "they should cheat because they're being controlled!" I read it as "Men are hardwired to crave sex with multiple partners and monogamy doesn't meet those goals, so society needs to be less monogamy-centered and more open to other types of relationships."

I think it's a crock of shiit that men can't be monogamous, ftr.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-men-cheat?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b485588-36c5-414f-aaf0-b365a7264abePost:b1339ad6-2e4c-4b44-9893-6c009ecbf8a0">Re: NWR: Why men cheat</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Maybe I'm reading the article differently, but it seems the guy is advocating openness in relationships, not necessarily cheating.</strong> Sure, he says that men cheat because they crave open relationships, but I didn't get the total vibe of "they should cheat because they're being controlled!" I read it as "Men are hardwired to crave sex with multiple partners and monogamy doesn't meet those goals, so society needs to be less monogamy-centered and more open to other types of relationships." I think it's a crock of shiit that men can't be monogamous, ftr.
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

That's how I read it first (BTW this was written by a woman, not a man). However, if you continue to read her arguments, it's basically saying "oh well, monogomy can't work. let's be more open to these other things". I'm okay with the "let's be open to other htings" but calling it a biological necessity is extremely insulting to every man out there who has never cheated in his life and never will.

ricksang · January 2012

In most of the realtionships I know that fail, the women cheated.

My H has never cheated in a relationship, I have, so I agree with Chel. Men can and do keep it in their pants.

entropicbeauty · January 2012

That woman is nutso - she doesn't even discuss how open relationships could be a BAD idea, she doesn't argue both sides she just blindly follows what this one PhD guy is telling her!

If someone wants to be in an open relationship that is one thing, but to say that men should just go out there and cheat/sleep with as many people as possible is asinine! Think of how many STDs they would bring home to the partner they "love" over time. Crock.of.sh!t.

ElleB87 · January 2012

I got H to read the article when he got home and he couldn't get through the whole thing either. He said it was all bologna and we've both come to the conclusion that we know more women who have cheated then men. I guess they must all be big whores because, since they're not men, they should be able to control their urges *sarcasm*. I'm not going to lie, that article made me a little stabby and I really wonder what was going through the mind of the writer while she was interviewing that tool.

Negazilla · January 2012

This is the part that makes me laugh the hardest,

"In his study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, "even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner."

So basically you polled what could have been a bunch of college frat boys at worst. And even at best that sample size is ridiculously small for such an aggrandized claim.

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