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Different shifts causing stress

agape1cor813agape1cor813
100 Comments
in Christian Weddings
I think someone once wrote a post in the same vein, but I wanted to write something too.

H and I are working different shifts right now (I work from 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m., he works from 2-10 p.m.). I've only been working about four weeks, but I'm already feeling a bit of strain. He's still in bed when I leave in the morning, and I go to sleep about 30 minutes after he gets home (he stays up to read news, check sports scores, and other things ... as an aside, he spent a bunch of time last night watching Cardinals highlights and looking up "Rally Squirrel" apparell). He also has to work from 2-10 p.m. every third Saturday.

I feel like I'm not getting any interaction with him, and it's starting to wear on me a little bit. I am beginning to miss not having a job and being able to be at home and spend the mornings with him. I miss even just talking  to him.

I think the thing that is wearing thinnest on me is that my full-time job really should be a part-time job, because that's about as often as I actually do anything there. 

I've been thinking about going to grad school for library science. I've started volunteering at a library, and there are apparently a lot of part-time jobs available in that field. I'm hesitant, because I don't want to take out loans if there isn't a really good chance a good job will be waiting for me once I'm done.

Does anyone have any advice about ways I can deal with the different schedules?
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Re: Different shifts causing stress

  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The best thing we've come up with is to plan specific dates for the times we are off at the same time.  Otherwise we find ourselves falling into the "we need to do chores" blues and that just doesn't help our relationship in the least.  We also talk on the phone at least once a day and text each other often.  That, plus making sure we don't schedule things for times when the other is home.  I've canceled plans so many times because H only gets his schedule a couple of days in advance (Friday for Sun-Sat) and when often when he gets his schedule it turns out the day he has off is a day I've tentatively made plans with someone else.  Thankfully everyone in our lives knows the situation and understands that I can't make solid plans until I know his schedule.

    Last night there was a really important board meeting at work that I wasn't required to attend, but I really needed to be there.  H knew how important it was, so he offered to come with me since he was off work.  Staying home meant we wouldn't get to see each other at all.  He came to my school and we had dinner together, then went to the meeting.  It wasn't ideal, but at least we did get to spend some time together.  I've also been known to take dinner to his work and eat with him during his "lunch" break.
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Ack, I hit post too soon and it won't let me edit!

    I meant to add that I'm sorry you guys are going through this.  It's funny, when we were working the same schedule, I found myself getting frustrated at times that he was always around and we'd often be in the same house but not interacting at all.  As much as I hate the new schedule, now that we've figured out how to work it, I feel like our relationship has actually improved in some ways.
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Is there any way you can take a nap immediately after you get home so you can stay up later (or him getting up earlier and napping after you leave)?
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  • mattycammattycam member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_different-shifts-causing-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:88bb100b-f829-48b8-a973-d1e0e3217291Post:79f6ed3d-d0d2-4b4e-936e-341f142cc8a9">Re: Different shifts causing stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is there any way you can take a nap immediately after you get home so you can stay up later (or him getting up earlier and napping after you leave)?
    Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

    That's a good idea. Not sure if I missed this but do you guys work on weekends? If not, that's a good time to rejuvenate your relationship.
    http://www.theknot.com/contests/my-real-wedding/photo/161064/mattycams-wedding-traditionally-classy Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • agape1cor813agape1cor813
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_different-shifts-causing-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:88bb100b-f829-48b8-a973-d1e0e3217291Post:79f6ed3d-d0d2-4b4e-936e-341f142cc8a9">Re: Different shifts causing stress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is there any way you can take a nap immediately after you get home so you can stay up later (or him getting up earlier and napping after you leave)?
    Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

    <div>I've tried, but most of the time I'm too wound up from work and the drive home, or I'm too busy making dinner or cleaning or taking care of other things to take a nap.</div>
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    That is really hard to go through *hugs*  Have you talked to him about it?

    I think time is very important.  Can you call and talk on lunch breaks/car rides/waiting time before things.  I know that phone isn't ideal but it keeps you in communication with each other.  Can you ask him to wake up a little earlier to spend time with you in the mornings? When he comes home try to spend that whole 30 mins with him, talking, watching a show or whatever.  *hugs*  Good luck!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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