Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower faux pax help!!!

So my maid of honor along with my future sister in law are planning my shower. My MOH regularly checks in with me to make sure she's taking things in the right direction, but she's just informed me that my SIL is planning on inviting the B-listers from her family's side.  We've mentioned multiple times that we don't know if we will even be able to invite those people, but I think she's more concerned with meeting the minimum amount of people at the shower location. (They'll get charged for say 50 people min, whether 40 attend or 60)

What do I do?!

It's currently looking like the B-listers won't be invited, but how else can I explain things? Should I just give up and play stupid and let their family deal with any backlash about not being invited to the actual wedding??

All suggestions welcome!!

Re: Bridal Shower faux pax help!!!

  • edited December 2011
    You really shouldn't have A-lists and B-lists to start off with. You need to come up with a finalized guest list and give this to your MOH and SIL to work from, emphasizing that only people from this list can be invited to the shower. If SIL invites anyone else after you have made this clear, then it is her problem to deal with. She will have to explain that she is the one that invited them to the shower knowing they were not on the guest list for the wedding.
  • KJ7985KJ7985 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't let them invite the B-list invites. It will make you look really bad! Just tell your FSIL that you guys are still unsure of the final guest list and you need to keep the shower list to people who are definitely invited. If they're having a tough time meeting the 50 person minimum, they may need to pick a different place.
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  • edited December 2011
    Shower invitation means the guest must be invited.  If you knowingly allow them to invite B-listers, it's on you.  If you tell her no, and she does it anyway, it's on her.
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  • edited December 2011
    No one gets invited to pre-wedding events unless they are also guaranteed an invite to the wedding.

    Can your MOH and SIL perhaps invite only those you want and upgrade food or drinks without hitting the minimum? Most places that require a minimum are really just looking for a bottom dollar line. People do this sort of thing for weddings, so doing it for a shower shouldn't really be any different. That way only wedding guests are invited and you'll have a nicer event for those people.
    image
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pax?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:f84f9e37-2295-4de6-b9ec-a585bd706fa2Post:aa9311d6-3234-426f-b525-8175ef9576eb">Re: Bridal Shower faux pax help!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You really shouldn't have A-lists and B-lists to start off with. You need to come up with a finalized guest list and give this to your MOH and SIL to work from, emphasizing that only people from this list can be invited to the shower. If SIL invites anyone else after you have made this clear, then it is her problem to deal with. She will have to explain that she is the one that invited them to the shower knowing they were not on the guest list for the wedding.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this. :)
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  • heytay89heytay89 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There's nothing wrong with having an A-list and a B-list. My fiance and I have had to do that because there are so many people we want to invite and only so much room in the budget/venue. 
    You just have to make it clear that if she invites people that are not currently invited to the wedding and they get upset, it will be on her, because you've asked her not to do so.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pax?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:f84f9e37-2295-4de6-b9ec-a585bd706fa2Post:22e6a908-e177-42bc-8072-65eee63b2866">Re: Bridal Shower faux pax help!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]There's nothing wrong with having an A-list and a B-list. My fiance and I have had to do that because there are so many people we want to invite and only so much room in the budget/venue.  You just have to make it clear that if she invites people that are not currently invited to the wedding and they get upset, it will be on her, because you've asked her not to do so.
    Posted by heytay89[/QUOTE]

    Actually, there IS something wrong with having an A/B list.  It tells people on the B list that they're 2nd string.  The appropriate thing to do is invite who you can.  Period.
  • edited December 2011
    To clarify, the A and B lists refer to the wedding invites only. SIL has access to this information and was using it to make the minimum for shower stuff. Part of the reason for having a B-list is that we have too many people we want to invite; we would like people from this list (pending space limitations from the reception) but it's going to be based on how many out-of-towners can/can't make it.

    Thanks for the advice soo far. After multiple discussions with the SIL, things are looking at least a bit better.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pax?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f84f9e37-2295-4de6-b9ec-a585bd706fa2Post:b02ced0a-2c84-4401-b579-9f36776738fe">Re: Bridal Shower faux pax help!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower faux pax help!!! : Actually, there IS something wrong with having an A/B list.  It tells people on the B list that they're 2nd string.  The appropriate thing to do is invite who you can.  Period.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    If the couple is the only one that really sees it, then how can there be something wrong with having an A/B list?  Letting people know which list they are on is the inappropriate thing to do.

    OP - I would just tell the host that you only feel comfortable inviting guests that are being invited to the wedding.  You need to do some finalizing on your guest list for the shower host so she knows who is getting an invitation.
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