tears, hugs, and a great big sigh

JulezG85 · February 2011

My parents dropped a bomb of all bombs on me yesterday. Financially they don't see it possible to pay for a wedding this year. I am not mad... well atleast not mad at them... just really sad. I am so ready to be a wife and start my life with Will. We have been together for over 8 years and been engaged for over a year. I feel like we have been waiting so long for this. We have been so excited to finally be husband and wife and now it feels like everything has come crashing down. It was the hardest thing to have my dad hold me and burst into tears because he was so disappointed in himself. I have the most amazing parents in the world and I don't want them to feel the burden of having to pay for a wedding if they just can't. And I am really not looking forward to having to tell Will. *sigh* With that said I am determined to become a wife by the end of the year! But how?!?!?!?!?! My dad (being my dad) said to me that he will figure something out but again I don't want to put that pressure on him. Am I being selfish... spoiled... ungrateful?!?!?! Just looking for support ladies... it will all workout! RIGHT?!?!?!

jennlin · February 2011

why are your parents paying for your wedding? if you're so excited to be husband and wife, it only cost about 60 bucks to apply for all the licenses, etc.

kinmir30 · February 2011

Sooo.........what was your wedding budget looking like it was going to be before this news?

Can you cut it in half and then you pay half and your parents pay half? And just downsize the wedding?

I am not familiar with what your wedding plans were looking like prior to this news. Maybe you can do a small ceremony/reception with <50 people? Alki bathhouse and potluck? Rent a vacation home for the weekend for ~600 and potluck? and lots of DIY decor?

I think there are options if you can come up with some idea of a budget. I was just over on the Budget Weddings board and there was a post about pulling off a $3000 wedding.....I am sure it can be done.

Even if you don't want potluck, you could do like Costco party trays or just an appetizer reception.....and if you can cut the guest list down, it would break the bank.

kinmir30 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_tears-hugs-great-big-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:681511e5-0060-4412-beef-502faf5fc878Post:3ff8b29b-4b18-4199-91de-c852dd386a1b">Re: tears, hugs, and a great big *sigh*</a>:
[QUOTE]why are your parents paying for your wedding? if you're so excited to be husband and wife, it only cost about 60 bucks to apply for all the licenses, etc.
Posted by jennlin[/QUOTE]

And this is always an option too......courthouse wedding and a small GTG at a family's home after.

There are lots of possibilities....

Orrrr, if you want the big wedding and the whole deal.....wait. Save your money and wait until you have it and until your parents can contribute some.

And just an FYI, FI and I are paying for our entire wedding without ANY help from parents........and we are both full time students....and we work full time. And we are by no means "rich" ......I work as a nanny and FI is in construction/remodel....which is veryyy hard to find work in currently. ..........only saying this to show you that it is possilbe to pay for a nice wedding yourselves. But I can also understand how you would be upset if you were expecting that your parents would pay and now you have to find an alternative plan. That really sucks and I do feel for you.

I am sure you can figure out something that will work for you and your FI!

dreamwinds · February 2011

Go get married in a civil ceremony at the courthouse and plan for a larger wedding (aka the pretty pretty princess day) later when you can afford it.

mgoss228 · February 2011

Sorry that your wedding plans have been changed.

If you want to be married this year, think about how much $$$ you and your FI (and maybe his parents) can contribute, and start a budget from there. There are many ways to keep a wedding budget "low;" smaller guest list, morning wedding/reception (earlier is often cheaper), out-of-season wedding (October-March usually). If you really want to get married sooner, rather than later, there is always a way.

Good Luck!

kinmir30 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_tears-hugs-great-big-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:681511e5-0060-4412-beef-502faf5fc878Post:a26fdcb6-ab0a-4e34-873e-3e10a07c4cc0">Re: tears, hugs, and a great big *sigh*</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry that your wedding plans have been changed.<strong> If you want to be married this year, think about how much $$$ you and your FI (and maybe his parents) can contribute, and start a budget from there.</strong> There are many ways to keep a wedding budget "low;" smaller guest list, morning wedding/reception (earlier is often cheaper), out-of-season wedding (October-March usually). <strong> If you really want to get married sooner, rather than later, there is always a way</strong>. Good Luck!
Posted by mgoss228[/QUOTE]

this and this!

JulezG85 · February 2011

I guess that's what I am arguing with my self about. Do we just go to a courthouse... get married and celebrate later? I am just SOOO scared that I will regret not having a wedding. To me it is something that I have dreamed about since I was little (I am one of those). I really DON'T care about a "big" wedding. I have told my parents all along that as long as I have my dad walking me down the aisle and my family there than I am happy. @ kinmir30: Thank you . You are very sweet. We both work FT also and pretty much live pay check to pay check. But I do know that we CAN do it. I just really don't know what to do. I guess my biggest and only dilema is do we get married at a courthouse or do a small wedding. I was just not expecting this... not trying to be a "spoiled" bride... just wasn't expecting it...

JulezG85 · February 2011

@mgoss228: Thank you! This is what I keep telilng myself. That people get married ALL the time on a low wedding budget.

Just need some support from fellow brides so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for giving that too me!

kinmir30 · February 2011

I don't see how you're being spoiled. I think you are being pretty respectful about the situation.

I mentioned earlier that you can rent a really nice vacation home (or B&B?) in the area and have it there, make sure it has a nice yard for a ceremony area...... You can find these for around $600 and then get an officiant and bam! you have a way for your dad to walk you down the aisle....................Can't afford chair rentals? ......blankets work nice on the grass..... make a BYOB (Bring your own Blanket) or BYOC (bring your own chair) LOL!

I think you could pull off a very simple ceremony and GTG for $2000.........You should be able to save that by cutting back on date nights, mochas/lattes, eating out, etc.

Oooo there is also this hidden gem of a park in Seattle.....beautiful for ceremony. Parsons Gardens. It costs $450 for a 3-hr rental (that's the minimum) ......and then you could do a backyard potluck reception.
http://www.cityofseattle.net/Parks/park_detail.asp?id=324

kinmir30 · February 2011

FYI......being spoiled be something along the lines of Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.....

My Daddy can't pay for my wedding and I just can't believe it. How could he do this to me? How can I make him give me a beautiful expensive wedding!?!?!

^^^^^^that's being spoiled

and you said nothing of the sort. :-)

JulezG85 · February 2011

either I am just SUPER emotional or a goober but kinmir30 that just brought a few tears... THANK YOU! I really needed that. I LOVE the idea of BYOB (bring your own blanket). And the B&B. I will also be looking into that park. Again THANK YOU!! You are VERY sweet! BTW, I am a preschool teacher, saw that you are a nanny, so thought that was pretty cool.

kinmir30 · February 2011

Well I am sure you are a bit emotional right now with having this ball dropped on you......

I am a nanny and also working on my Masters in Teaching for Elem Edu.
and I use to work at a daycare years ago.....but I prefer nannying over daycare. Never did preschool though. Totally diff than daycare.

Buttt, I can see how it can be hard to save on a Preschool Teacher's pay! It's rough.

JulezG85 · February 2011

I have often debated whether to become a nanny. I am a preschool teacher and then do daycare in the afternoon. I am hoping to go back to school ASAP to become a Kindergarten teacher. Where do you go to school at? Yes it is REALLY hard to save on a preschool/daycare teacher salary. But like you and a few others have said... IT CAN BE DONE. Atleast my FI gets payed okay.

dreamwinds · February 2011

Honestly, speaking as someone who had to do the court ceremony route due to visa deadlines and what not, if I hadn't had put down deposits on various things prior to the court ceremony, I would not be planning a larger wedding right now.

I don't miss it and right now, it's just adding more drama to my life. If I could throw away the money we've already spent, I probably would, but there are a lot of other factors in play now, including my parents' pride/saving face for them and all that crap that makes it hard to cancel my wedding, aka my pretty pretty princess day.

But really, in the end, all that matters is I am married to the man that makes me happy. I don't need a big white wedding dress and thousands of dollars spent to make it any happier.

jennlin · February 2011

i'm kinda along the same boat as dreamwinds.... i got married in court, and then had a prettyprettyprincess day a few days later. looking back, i kinda wish i didn't do the whole shebang. that thing cost a small fortune, and a huge headache.

if you can't afford a wedding (and neither can your parents), don't hurt yourself trying. there's plenty of other things that i'm sure could use attention if you're paycheck to payceck.

abrieckinthewall · February 2011

How big is your family? When my brother married his wife, they did so at a county office in Southern California. We crammed about 15 people into the room for the ceremony and pictures. Then we headed to a local park for a bbq of costco hot dogs and hamburgers, with a few more people. The whole thing had cost about 400$ It was pretty awesome. We played ultimate frisby, and when my brother smashed cake on his brides face, she had to go wash her face in a drinking fountain. Not ideal. But everybody looks back on that day with great memories. it was a celebration a new family surrounded by very, very dear and close people. Which isn't that what a wedding is about? Now it may not be the wedding you've been dreaming of, but you can be sure to have a wedding you will dream about for the rest of your life. I hope it all works out and good luck.

BrandyL10 · February 2011

I agree if you really want to get married NOW, do the courthouse thing. You can always, always, do the wedding later.
OR, cut the guest list dramatically. And I mean BIG! Family only. A few good friends. No bridal party. That's it. Find a friend or family members back yard for venue, use a church to get married in. Cater the wedding yourself. Have a friend go online and get certified to marry the two of you. There are TONS of ways to cut costs on weddings. Right now I'm helping a couple that is friends of H and I and they are really cutting back on everything. It can be done. Don't lose hope, just look at a little wedding. Then you can have that dream of your dad walking you down the aisle.

BrandyL10 · February 2011

Also think beaches, parks, rec centers, etc, for venues, places that have no rentals fee or small rental fee. Then if you've managed to whittle down the guest list the chair and table fee shoudn't be too bad.

kinmir30 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_tears-hugs-great-big-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:681511e5-0060-4412-beef-502faf5fc878Post:fb8b4c97-4759-4e2f-9fce-bbe4ebcb8a0c">Re: tears, hugs, and a great big *sigh*</a>:
[QUOTE]I have often debated whether to become a nanny. I am a preschool teacher and then do daycare in the afternoon. I am hoping to go back to school ASAP to become a Kindergarten teacher. Where do you go to school at? Yes it is REALLY hard to save on a preschool/daycare teacher salary. But like you and a few others have said... IT CAN BE DONE. Atleast my FI gets payed okay .
Posted by JulezG85[/QUOTE]

Do you have your Bachelors?

I go to the University of Southern California for their Master of Arts in Teaching program. It is an online program (very first of it's kind and from a reputable school obviously) and they place you in schools locally. But it is only a Masters program. They don't have a program for a BA in Elem Ed. For that I would look at WWU.....or CWU. It is hard. There aren't many cheap schools here that do a BA

meganhardan · February 2011

So sorry that you're having to deal with this

I do not think you are acting spoiled at all. I'm sure you are dealing with all kinds of feelings right now--not just your disappointment and sadness, but I think it's even worse when you also feel so bad for your parents because you know they are disappointed they can't give you the wedding that you want. I was trying to put myself in your shoes (my parents are paying for our wedding like yours were planning on), and I can only imagine that I would be just as disappointed and sad as you, and I can only hope I would handle it as gracefully as you

I think the other girls have given you great advice, I don't really have any to add, but just wanted to offer support

It will all workout!

JulezG85 · February 2011

WOW! I am sooo overwhelmed (in a GOOD way) on ALL the support you wonderful ladies have given me. You all have truly made these past couple of days bearable. Thank you sooo much for all your support. I am going to take all the advice and make this wedding happen. And it was nice to know that many of you have done a courthouse wedding and not regreted it. I just want to be his wife and start a family. I am ready... and I will do it no matter what.

kimberliyancey · February 2011

I am sorry you are having to deal with this especially when you weren't expecting it. You could always do the court house thing now and save for the next year to have a party/ reception on one yr anniversary.

tears, hugs, and a great big sigh

Re: tears, hugs, and a great big sigh

Choose Another Board

Search Boards