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Adults only

sherrillesnydersherrillesnyder
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
looking for advice... need a tasteful and delicate way of telling people not to bring their children to the wedding. This will be on the rsvp/registry card included with the invitation. We mainly don't want everyone to bring their kids due to cost as well as the amount of alcohol included in our reception. if we don't have kids we can invite more of our family... and we have a BIG FAMILY
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Re: Adults only

  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    First, definitely do not include a registry card with your invitation. That's rude. Just throw those things out.

    Second, don't put "no kids" anywhere--not on the invitation, RSVP card or website. It's rude to point who is not invited. Simply address the invitations to the adults only. If they RSVP for their children also, call and let them know that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for them.


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  • crash2729crash2729 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:3333775d-a718-4829-85f2-e79e25918404">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, definitely do not include a registry card with your invitation. That's rude. Just throw those things out. Second, don't put "no kids" anywhere--not on the invitation, RSVP card or website. It's rude to point who is not invited. Simply address the invitations to the adults only. If they RSVP for their children also, call and let them know that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for them.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
    Ditto this. <div>Also? </div><div>Alcohol at a wedding is a ridiculous cop-out for no kids. IMO.</div>
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:a851d84a-3ef6-4c2f-85c7-99040a2feccc">Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]looking for advice... need a tasteful and delicate way of telling people not to bring their children to the wedding. This will be on the rsvp/registry card included with the invitation. We mainly don't want everyone to bring their kids due to cost as well as the amount of alcohol included in our reception. if we don't have kids we can invite more of our family... and we have a BIG FAMILY
    Posted by sherrillesnyder[/QUOTE]

    Did you read  FAQs, read before posting by mica?  It's just above your post, funniest thing is that it never moves!
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  • jenajjthrjenajjthr member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Why do people think that alcohol and kids both at a wedding are a bad thing?  I mean I get it if your family and friends are raging lunatics when they get one drink in them, but then wouldn't you want a dry wedding so that didn't happen?  If they aren't raging lunatics then everything will be just fine.  If there is another reason that you don't want kids there, like I don't know, you just don't want them there, than just invite the people you do.  When they are rude and RSVP too many people, be polite and say that the invite was just for them and you hope they can still make it. 
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:3333775d-a718-4829-85f2-e79e25918404">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, definitely do not include a registry card with your invitation. That's rude. Just throw those things out. Second, don't put "no kids" anywhere--not on the invitation, RSVP card or website. It's rude to point who is not invited. Simply address the invitations to the adults only. If they RSVP for their children also, call and let them know that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for them.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Exactly this.  All of it.

    </div>
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    You could idiot-proof your RSVP cards, although nothing is 100% idiot-proof.

    __2__ seats have been reserved in your honor

    John Doe ____ will attend ____ will not attend
    Jane Doe ____ will attend ____ will not attend

    If people add guests that haven't been invited -- and that will happen -- you'll just have to call them.
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  • jessmhickeyjessmhickey member
    First Comment
    I added to the very bottom of my invitations "Cocktails, dinner and an adult reception immediately following" It is your choice, as well as mine or anyone else's, to not have kids at your wedding.  I won't be having kids because I don't want them there. I love my young family but they don't belong at my wedding.  As for the registry cards, I have never not once heard anyone complain or exclaim I am not going to that wedding because they included a registry card, it is just informative. 
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  • zizibetzizibet member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:edf8d6d2-72c2-4bc7-b87d-610a8f24c43b">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]I added to the very bottom of my invitations "Cocktails, dinner and an adult reception immediately following" It is your choice, as well as mine or anyone else's, to not have kids at your wedding.  I won't be having kids because I don't want them there. I love my young family but they don't belong at my wedding.  As for the registry cards, I have never not once heard anyone complain or exclaim I am not going to that wedding because they included a registry card, it is just informative. 
    Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]
      This is really bad advice. All of this is incredibly rude. You neverput  adult only on invitations because you never make a point of who is not invited. As for registry cards, that's not informative, it's just gift grabby.
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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:edf8d6d2-72c2-4bc7-b87d-610a8f24c43b">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]I added to the very bottom of my invitations "Cocktails, dinner and an adult reception immediately following" It is your choice, as well as mine or anyone else's, to not have kids at your wedding.  I won't be having kids because I don't want them there. I love my young family but they don't belong at my wedding.  As for the registry cards, I have never not once heard anyone complain or exclaim I am not going to that wedding because they included a registry card, it is just informative. 
    Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is all terribly rude advice.  You are perfectly within you rights to not have children at your wedding, but you NEVER write that on your invitations - you only indicate who is invited.  The registry cards are plain RUDE because it indicates that you EXPECT gifts.  Registry information should be spread via word of mouth or your website, not on the invitation to the event.</div>
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  • SachaBeeSachaBee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:4c2f1182-7fdf-499a-af7b-7076db4f971a">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adults only : Ditto this.  Also?  Alcohol at a wedding is a ridiculous cop-out for no kids. IMO.
    Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

    But they don't have to have kids at their wedding if they don't want them there, it is still their choice. If they don't feel comfortable with kids + booze that's up to them.

    I agree to have the RSVP cards "idiot-proofed". Maybe put like "__/2" or "__ out of 2 will attend", rather than just an empty box. (This is ok, right??)
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  • michaeloswifeymichaeloswifey member
    First Comment
    *WARNING* My response may not follow proper ettiquitte.

    I am having adults only. My RSVP postcards look like this:



    Do whatever you feel is right for you :)
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  • jessmhickeyjessmhickey member
    First Comment
    I don't recall putting "Adults Only" on my invitation because it says adult reception, this is informing people that there will be alcohol and it will be an adult party. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:88b8123c-81c2-40af-b293-c157eb608f71">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't recall putting "Adults Only" on my invitation because it says adult reception, this is informing people that there will be alcohol and it will be an adult party. 
    Posted by jessmhickey[/QUOTE]


    It's still rude.

    We had booze flowing and there were a dozen children there.    Writing who you intend to exclude is rude, pure and simple.    Using the 'no booze no kids' line is a dumb copout.   We drank two magnums of wine at DD's first birthday party for 14 people.   We just didn't give it to the kids.  
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:1153b727-cc4d-49e7-9cf3-5d650a00b787">Re:Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Adults only: Am I the only one who thinks "adult reception" makes it sound like a swinger's sex party?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Where's the "like" button when I need it?!</div><div>
    </div><div>(and no, you're not the only one)</div>
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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    adults only= rude way of not inviting kids

    adult reception or adult party= dirty, sexy time.

    I do not think that we should be recommending either to OP based on her question.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    We put Adult Only Reception on our invitations. I don't really care if you Knotties think it is rude.
    Even the invites that CLEARLY list who is invited cause confusion.  I don't think any bride should have to spend hours of her life trying to track down people who don't understand that the invitation that was addressed to "Mr & Mrs John Doe" didn't include their child "Susie Doe".
    The only children at our wedding last weekend were our 3 children, 4 nieces & a nephew, & one other child. Other than that, sorry.

    I have been invited to many weddings where the invites said "Adult Only". I have 3 young children & I have never been offended. Those of you who say it is "rude" & "offensive": Do you have children??? If you do, & you are offended, you need to chill out.

    Re: the Registry info. Don't include that with your invitations. The info will get out through word of mouth. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adults-only-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d3a37ef6-a050-4786-b17a-367a2634379dPost:cf6cce5a-4f66-4629-a21d-da49b69ba944">Re: Adults only</a>:
    [QUOTE]We put Adult Only Reception on our invitations. I don't really care if you Knotties think it is rude. Even the invites that CLEARLY list who is invited cause confusion.  I don't think any bride should have to spend hours of her life trying to track down people who don't understand that the invitation that was addressed to "Mr & Mrs John Doe" didn't include their child "Susie Doe". The only children at our wedding last weekend were our 3 children, 4 nieces & a nephew, & one other child. Other than that, sorry. I have been invited to many weddings where the invites said "Adult Only". I have 3 young children & I have never been offended. Those of you who say it is "rude" & "offensive": Do you have children??? If you do, & you are offended, you need to chill out. Re: the Registry info. Don't include that with your invitations. The info will get out through word of mouth. 
    Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]

    Why do I need to chill out?   The bride and groom just insulted my intelligence by assuming I wouldn't know how to read an envelope and understand that those on it were the ones invited.   THAT is what is rude about writing ADULTS ONLY.

    I'm a parent and I'm fine with adults only weddings.   I've even left DD at home when she was invited to some events.   That's not the point.    If you start off by making the assumption that your guests are dumb and do a rude thing, you're rude.   Period.
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  • RapunzilRapunzil member
    First Comment
    edited September 2012
    I like that Zitiqueen provided an example of a tasteful (and hopeful) way to handle the situation.  Thank you!

    I'm 43 years old and don't have kids because quite frankly, I never wanted them.  I don't like kids and they don't like me LOL!  (i'm trying to be funny here, not insulting any moms out there...)

    But its going to be tough because I have nieces and nephews.  And they are little crumb-crushers that just love to run, jump and scream.  I have absolutely no patience for that and don't want to chance it on my big day.  Ugh!
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  • danyellestinnettdanyellestinnett member
    First Comment
    As a mom of 4 yr old twins and an 11 yr old, I love my kids..but can never enjoy being a wedding guest with them there with me. I try as much as possible to find a babysitter for the wedding day if daddy and I are guests, kids welcome or not.
    Finding someone to watch a child/children is not always easy or affordable, but if its requested by a bride, i respect it.  

    As a bride to be (yay) I am including our children in the wedding party (briefly) because I know their limits and they are an important part of our marriage, BUT....
    After the small ceremony, I am preparing myself for groucy, irritable, bored, "I want MAMA!" kids...so I plan accordingly and they may be going home when the time comes, with the elderly grandparents  who have already decided to help in this area.
    BTW, grandparents are not "missing out" they desire to retire home early and so this works well for them and was their idea.
    I have thought about only desiring adults to attend our special day, but I am about to consider how many people won't make it for our day if that's the case. The sad thing is...so many of our guests have children that many may not be able to make it if they can't find a sitter/family member to help with their children :(
    its ok not to want them there, but keep in mind that this might affect your guest list because some will get offended, and some just may not have an alternative for them. 
     
    Have a wonderful wedding day!
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  • Sharpschruter22Sharpschruter22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Agreed to all above saying do not include registry info or adults only on invites. Now, many people in my region are completely clueless. We are having an adults only reception and are doing what a PP had on her response card. Blank seats are reserved in your honor. Then on our website for both the ceremony and reception info, Respectfully, an adult affair is listed. Cheers!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    I've been struggling with this as well. I want to be clear as my one cousin had a wedding and did write "Adults Reception" becuase of the number of children in our family and one of our other cousins brought her children anyway. I like kids, but if we allow one child we have to have them all and that would add 30 heads... which means not inviting 30 people who will actually remember the event. Our limit is 100 due to space and 30/100 is too many.... but I just can't wrap my head around saying nothing and hoping for the best... I agree that it doesn't make sense to me why it is so extremely rude to be clear.
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