Registry and Gift Forum

No thank you note. Did they get the gift?

I attended a wedding in September and gave the couple money through their honeymoon registry. I never got a thank you note, which kind of surprised me considering I'm a student and gave $200 in an attempt to cover our plates. I thought it was somewhat generous given my circumstances, and the bride and groom are not rude or selfish people, so I'm worried that the lack of a thank you note means they somehow didn't receive the donation. I don't know the couple very well (my boyfriend is friends with the groom, I was just his date) so I don't feel bold enough to ask if they got it. I also don't think they ever went on a honeymoon, so could the lack of note just mean they're abusing the rule about sending notes after they get back? :P Anyway, I really couldn't care less about not getting a note, except for the fact it may mean they didn't get the gift. Is there a tactful way to approach this? I want to make sure they don't think we didn't get them a gift!
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Re: No thank you note. Did they get the gift?

  • I would have your boyfriend ask the groom about it. 
  • My boyfriend thinks it's tacky to check up on it, and thinks of it as calling them out on not doing thank you notes; he's refused several times to ask about it. I can kind of see his point, but at the same time I'd feel awful if they thought we didn't give a gift.
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  • He's wrong.  It is totally correct to follow up and ask to be sure if they got the gift.  If he won't, it's ok for you to.  Just send an email.  If they are embarrassed that they didn't send a thank you note, that's their fault for not thanking you.  

    And by the way, please don't be forced to give such generous gifts if you can't afford it.  There is no such rule requiring you to cover your plate.  You should always give what you are comfortable giving, based on your budget and relationship with the couple.  
  • I don't think it's rude to check up on it unless it's only been a couple weeks or you're saying "since I never got a thank you note..."
  • You don't necessarily have to follow up by saying, "Hey, did you get our gift?"  You could always have him be a little more subtle and say, "Hey, how did that honeymoon go?  We were really excited to help fund your trip" or similar. 

    It's incredibly rude to not send a thank you note for that long, but is unfortunately common.
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  • I would check it out.  I don't think it's rude to ask at this point, I agree with Brie, ask about the honeymoon and see what your donation was used for. 
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  • We went through kind of the same thing last year when friends of ours got married. We never got a thank you note from them for the bridal shower or for the wedding, which I'm thinking means they didn't do thank you notes AT ALL. We were over their house for dinner and I mentioned being scared that they wouldn't receive our card with money in it at the wedding to try to bring up the situation, and they said, "Oh no we got it, don't worry!" I was trying to hint at the fact that we had no idea because we never got a thank you note, but it didn't work.. but we do know they got our gifts. Some people just have no idea...
  • I definitely think you should contact someone who knows the bride and groom well. If you feel that this is too indirect and unnecessarily timeconsuming definitely contact the bride in a casual email just saying 'hey I just want to be sure you received my gift - just worried it didn't go through - the wedding was beautiful and congrats again! hope you're both donig well!'

    or contact the site through which you made your donation to follow up for you! :)
  • They had a honeymoon registry and then didn't take a honeymoon??
    Married 10/2/10
  • Thanks for the input, everybody! I feel better knowing I'm not crazy for being concerned. I'll see what I can do to work it casually into a conversation...

    And QuoteQueen, yeah, as far as I know they never ended up taking the honeymoon. To be fair, they would have had to find someone to take care of their son, which might have been too much of a hassle, I'm not sure. And I'm still glad I gave them money rather than something they'd have to squeeze into their newly combined household, so I don't mind if they used it for something else (though I'd certainly never do something like that).
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  • Now that's a new one.  The couple registered for a HM and then didn't go?
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  • jed15jed15 member
    100 Comments
    I'm still waiting on a thank you note from a shower and wedding that were last April and May. I know she got the shower gift because she opened it right in front of me, and she did cash the check from the wedding. I guess she still has a few days to send it... but I'm not holding my breath!!
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