September 2012 Weddings

How are you managing your stress?

Hi September brides! I am 11 days from my wedding (September 1st) and I am feeling really crazy! I have slight wedding fatigue with all the last minute planning and my anxiety level is through the roof. I need some stress-relief advice!

To preface: I've been plagued with anxiety problems for most of my life. 

My FMIL arrived on Sunday, our international guests have started arriving, my anxiety medication has run out and there was a delay on my refill and my obsessive-compulsive tendencies are starting to get the better of me. I wake up in the night to obsess over details, compulsively count things that have been deilvered (have counted a box of paper flowers perhaps once a week since their delivery two months ago, for example) and am reduced to tears over what I know logically are very minor things. 

But also, I find myself obsessing over the momentousness of getting married. I talked with FI about it and he reminded me we will still be the same people on September 2nd, and that we have successfully lived together for well more than a year. We also have great communication and a very loving relationship. I know in the logical sense that everything is going to be great, but on a more visceral level, I am nervous. I have butterflies in my stomach, I'm not sleeping enough or eating properly, and I'm full of unproductive nervous energy. Sometimes I go from that into a manic period of excitement where I run around the apartment singing songs and bouncing up and down. FI suspects I have taken complete leave of my senses. 

What I would compare it to is how I felt as a child before going away to summer camp. I was excited and knew it would be awesome, but I'd also get so nervous about the change, and the distance and all that stuff that I couldn't eat or sleep for days before going. This feeling has been visited upon me almost every time I undergo a life change (going to uni, moving to a new country, starting a masters), so it's natural that it would happen now, I suppose. As a kid I once got so wound up about summer camp that I threw up in the driveway before we even got in the car. 

I'm a person who is prone to neuroses and anxiety, so I knew that I wasn't going to feel totally even keeled, but right now what I'm feeling is THIS SH*T IS REALLY FOR REALZ NOW which is not necessarily negative, just a bit scary sometimes. 

Am I normal, or am I a lunatic?

Anyway it always makes me feel 100x better just to talk about it, so thanks to anyone who manages to read and make sense of all of that! I welcome any and all stress-relief tips that don't include booze because I'm trying not to drink until the day. I would also love to hear about your worries - what keeps you up at night, September brides? What makes you space out in the shower? Do you have jitters, and if so, what do they feel like? Please, help me feel like I am not alone!

Re: How are you managing your stress?

  • O MY! :-) just remember to breathe! when I start stressing and I have high anxiety I start to hyperventilate! I can semi relate to your issues... I have 38 days left, once it gets down to single digit days (ie 9, 8, 7, 6...) I will probably be losing my mind! When I start to stress I like to take a bubble bath and put my ipod on or read... something to just get my mind on something else... As far as my worries go, there is a ton! lol freaking out about not enough food, not the right kind of music being played (even though we gave a list), my photographer forgetting batteries or SD card, it be pouring down rain (im an outdoor bride), my FI not finishing our signs or cake stands..... Pretty much anything that could go wrong the day of I space out about every once in a while! And when I snap out of it I get all anxious and nervous and my stomach starts turning like im all nauseous! ughhhh just thinking about makes my stomach hurt! Embarassed but we have to remember whatever happens, just happens there isn't much we can do about it we have to try to remember to have a good time.
    Visit The Knot! White Knot Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image 217 Invited...
    image 166 Got their boots on!
    image 49 Missin' out.
    image 2 are makin' us mailbox stalk!
    RSVP Date: September 1
  • I can 100% empathize with how you feel about the gravity of getting married.  I know I'm making the right decision and won't miss being single but it's still a big deal so I get it.  As a quick fix for stress, try exercising, especially out in the fresh air.  Make a rocking playlist and go for a run or powerwalk.  Even better if you can take a girlfriend and chit chat (not about wedding things though). 

    Also, becuase you are on medication, I'd call your doctor and see if they have any samples you can pick up until your prescription can be refilled.  This should be able to hold you over at least. 
  • If you're a lunatic ... then I am too. I'm just glad someone else is feeling the same way as me because when I try and talk to FI about my anxiety he just tells me, "it'll all be alright." I try not to say too much about the whole "momentousness" thing because I don't want him to think I'm getting cold feet. Unlike you, we haven't lived together .. so that is going to be a huge change for us and I'm worried I'll just feel in the way (I'm moving into his house).

    My aniexty (self-diagnosed) has gotten especially bad these last few weeks ... my resting heart rate is constantly high and no amount of "deep breaths" will calm me down. There is nothing I'm specifically stressed about ...... it's just an overarching feeling of "I feel like there is something I should be doing that I'm not and holy cow I'm going to be married in less than a month and everything in my life is going to change.

    The ONLY thing that has really helped me ... breaking my routine, getting away from people, getting away from lists, and just being with FI - no wedding planning talk. But that doesn't happen too often ... hopefully things will calm down after the wedding!
  • For me working out is a huge stress relief. I think its just a matter of figuring out what your escape is :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-are-you-managing-your-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:418d95f6-3165-412d-9dd9-bb437a8d3536Post:78bfb0eb-1733-4287-9339-a9ee49f25efa">Re: How are you managing your stress?</a>:
    [QUOTE], it be pouring down rain (im an outdoor bride),
    Posted by tiffysue2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>THIS. The long range forecast for our day has been up since Saturday and I check it compulsively several times per day. </div><div>
    </div><div>Sparksfly, I hear you re: unspecified anxiety. FI also tells me everything will be fine, but I don't think wedding anxiety really responds to logic. Mostly it just makes me go YEAH BUT WHAT IF? He promised me that if we ever feel. like our relationship is in trouble, we will seek a counsellor right away. This made me feel oddly better - like maybe things could go a bit funny, but we'd be prepared to deal with it. </div><div>
    </div><div>Last Friday we had a wedding-free date night and it was really relaxing. We cooked our favourite dinner, watched a movie we'd been dying to see on Netflix and then gave each other massages. It REALLY helped. It's weird: the only time the anxiety voices are silenced is when we are hanging out together. I guess that's a good sign - when we're hanging out, then I know everything is cool. It's when I'm alone or in some way trapped in my own head that it gets bad. </div><div>
    </div><div>Volleygurl, I spoke to the pharmacy today and happily they will have a new scrip for me by tomorrow morning - it's a relief to have my safety net back in place. One thing off my mind at least!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-are-you-managing-your-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:418d95f6-3165-412d-9dd9-bb437a8d3536Post:aa2eae85-45aa-4885-872b-c803d1d1b9e3">Re: How are you managing your stress?</a>:
    [QUOTE]For me <strong>working out is a huge stress relief</strong>. I think its just a matter of figuring out what your escape is :)
    Posted by BMcLeodTeam[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is so true.  I never think it will be and I moan and groan all the way until about halfway through where I realize I'm totally focused on the exercise and not everything else.</div><div>
    </div><div>In fact, I need to exercise tonight, I just made the list of everything that needs to be done and holy moly... </div>
  • I sometimes have anxiety but only in times of extreme stress (not that this isn't all very stressful and I have had my moments but nothing even close to the worst times). I've been trying to stay balanced - my secret is EXERCISE. If I'm feeling anxious or antsy I just go for a quick run or take my dog to the park and walk through the woods to remind myself to chill out. Running really helps shut my brain up (temporarily). 

    I have some freaked out feelings about losing my identity in some way but I remind myself that even though we're getting married our lives aren't changing hugely. I will be the same person I was before. And even if nothing goes right on the wedding day (rain, drama, missing items, etc) I still get to marry the person who supports me and wordlessly gives me wine when I'm most stressed. Marriage is still kinda scary but I feel like FI and I are a team no matter what so that comforts me a bit. :)
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Oh girl, you are not alone... I suffer from anxiety and OCD. I know the feeling of the butterflies and just the tense clutch in your chest. I find myself taking my anxiety medication at night, because it's the only way I will be able to sleep. I go from extremely elated, to severely overwhelmed and shaking in the same day.

    Just want to let you know, you are not alone! Try having some chamomile tea and a bubblebath with some music on... My thoughts tend to dissipate when I preoccupy myself with music that I enjoy. This seems to help me calm my anxiety down.

    I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful and will go off without a hitch!

    positive thoughts your way :)
    Visit The Nest! Anniversary
  • I have anxiety issues, too, and I also have a huge issue with waiting for a big change in my life - I get really worked up about the unknown, and especially about permanent changes like changing my last name and being married 'til death do us part.

    However, for whatever reason, I have been calm as can be.  No nerves, not anxious, just calm.  Little details are getting to me, but I think I'm keeping everything mostly in perspective.  We've got a few more small projects, and that's it.  I need to lose some bloat, too - drop a few pounds if possible.  My dress is just a teensy bit tight, so it would be nice to have a bit more breathing room!

    I think the key is focus on the day-to-day - I exercise daily (partially so the dress fits better, partially to de-stress), I eat healthy, I avoid alcohol, I sleep at least 8 hours per night, and I give myself time to decompress at the end of the day before going to bed by reading.  Oh, and we've been having LOTS of pre-marital nookie, which helps de-stress!!!

    The exercise especially - when I was stressed out the other day, FI and I went for a 2 mile jog (I'm a terrible runner, so this was more like a wog - walk for a bit, jog for a bit, walk again) and I felt SO much better afterwards!

    image

    Anniversary

  • Oh, and also, anytime anyone else plays the, "well, what if?" game with me, or starts bringing up potential issues, I point at FI and ask, "Will I still get to marry him?  Yes?  Okay, then it will all be fine."  It shuts up the people who add to my anxiety, and it reminds me what this is all about - it's a big party that results in me getting to be married to my sweetheart.  That's a good thing.

    image

    Anniversary

  • I'm in the same boat with the anxiety issues piled on with wedding stress. I have been counting my medicine to make sure I don't run out at an inopportune time. You already know that your meds are your lifeline right now, so get them filled ASAP and you will gain your perspective back. You are not crazy, not a lunatic, and not alone! And it sounds like you are extremely lucky to have a supportive understanding FI. So do I. Keep reminding yourself that until you get your refill!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-are-you-managing-your-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:418d95f6-3165-412d-9dd9-bb437a8d3536Post:8bab51f0-47bc-41cd-b2a9-4dc0b296523d">Re:How are you managing your stress?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm in the same boat with the anxiety issues piled on with wedding stress. I have been counting my medicine to make sure I don't run out at an inopportune time. You already know that your meds are your lifeline right now, so get them filled ASAP and you will gain your perspective back. You are not crazy, not a lunatic, and not alone! And it sounds like you are extremely lucky to have a supportive understanding FI. So do I. Keep reminding yourself that until you get your refill!
    Posted by NO2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>He is a godsend. I LOVE THAT GUY! Even when I am geniunely being crazy, he usually manages to keep it to himself and help me calm down - which is something we have been working on throughout our relationship. He learnt early on that telling me I am being irrational is unproductive and now knows he has to ease me out of it. </div>
  • FI is going golfing tonight and i CAN'T WAIT! He has been helpful but the stuff now is just stuff i have to get done, you know? I'm excited to have the house to myself. I totally understand your aniexity. I wonder sometime if it would be different if we would have gone and done a destination wedding instead of WEDDING. I am 16 days away and last spring decided I would start grad school before the big day...yes I realize now that I'm crazy. So that starts next week. AHHHHHH!!!

    I think tonight should be declared and wine and bubble bath night. Everything else on your list can wait. Soothing music, a nice wine and bubble should at least give your brain a nice break.

    Good luck!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards