Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Registry and Gift Forum
spartybride3
member
gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No"
This discussion has been closed.
Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No"
http://rusticweddingsc.weebly.com/
[QUOTE]Etiquette says if you get invited to the wedding, you send a gift. HOWEVER, don't expect people to know this.
Posted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]
Etiquette says no such thing. Gifts are never required. As we say on this board often, an invitation is not an invoice. Many people will choose to send either gifts or cards, others will not, and it tends to be a very individual decision.
[QUOTE]Do people typically send them? Just curious. We had a very large decline rate :(
Posted by spartybride3[/QUOTE]
Why on earth does this matter? Worried you won't get enough gifts?
We had a large decline rate (maybe 40%?), and received gifts from maybe two of the couples who declined, and these were CLOSE members of my husband's family who also happen to be on the wealthy side. We definitely were not expecting gifts from those who declined (or even those who attended for that matter).
[QUOTE]Etiquette says if you get invited to the wedding, you send a gift. HOWEVER, don't expect people to know this. I wouldn't count on getting gifts from everyone who declined.
Posted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]
No it doesn't.
OP - people will send a gift if they want to do so. We didn't get gifts from those who RSVP'd no, but we did get a lot of gifts from people who were not even invited.
[QUOTE]In Response to gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : <strong>Why on earth does this matter? Worried you won't get enough gifts? </strong>Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>I'm just wondering. No need to get snotty. When we made our registry, 90% of the people we invited said they were coming, so now we have a large registry that won't get purchased. We had a lot of close family & friends bail & its really upsetting. We based our whole wedding around all these people saying they were coming. We booked a large room to accommodate all the guests and now we are below our food/bev & linens minimum. We're losing a lot of money because of them not coming. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : I'm just wondering. No need to get snotty. When we made our registry, 90% of the people we invited said they were coming, so now we have a large registry that won't get purchased. We had a lot of close family & friends bail & its really upsetting. We based our whole wedding around all these people saying they were coming. We booked a large room to accommodate all the guests and now we are below our food/bev & linens minimum. We're losing a lot of money because of them not coming.
Posted by spartybride3[/QUOTE]
So you hope to recoup your money through gifts that people will give you? Wow.
Like I said, we had a large decline rate too, and a lot of them were people who we thought for sure would make it. Instead we had a smaller crowd, and ended up sending a lot less money than we thought. I you have minimums that you need to meet, then work with your venue to make it work -- maybe they will let you substitute higherquality liquor or more apps or something.
If you are worried about your registry, you can always delete things. Don't forget that your store Mary offer a completion discount, so it wouldn't hurt to keep items on there. You can always do returns and exchanges if you get incomplete sets and can't fulfill them yourselves.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : I'm just wondering. No need to get snotty. When we made our registry, 90% of the people we invited said they were coming, so now we have a large registry that won't get purchased. We had a lot of close family & friends bail & its really upsetting. We based our whole wedding around all these people saying they were coming. We booked a large room to accommodate all the guests and now we are below our food/bev & linens minimum. We're losing a lot of money because of them not coming.
Posted by spartybride3[/QUOTE]
LIfe happens. Four of my closest friends had to change their RSVPs to no for various reasons. You can also take things off of your registry but honestly, you should have registered for what you need and not just things to make a big registry. Is there any way to move the reception to a smaller room in the facility? If not, the venue isn't going to care about the number of plates. Tell them that you have fewer guests coming than were anticipated and see if you can upgrade the meals for those who are.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : LIfe happens. Four of my closest friends had to change their RSVPs to no for various reasons. You can also take things off of your registry but honestly, you should have registered for what you need and not just things to make a big registry. <strong> Is there any way to move the reception to a smaller room in the facility? If not, the venue isn't going to care about the number of plates. Tell them that you have fewer guests coming than were anticipated and see if you can upgrade the meals for those who are.</strong>
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]
GoodluckBear gives good advice. I'm sorry so many people aren't coming. I think this is a deep and somewhat secret fear of a lot of brides. Remember, the only thing that really matters is that you're married at the end of the day.
I think everyone has given great advice. I dont understand why you are concerned about the stuff on your registry though, either it gets bought or it doesnt, and you can use your completion discount to get the things you really want. I would be more worried about not reaching the minimums at your venue, that would be the most frustrating part to me, because you are having to shell out more money and upgrade things you werent planning on just to reach the minimum. I agree with PPs I would try to maybe go to a smaller room, or upgrade the meals and bar. I am sorry this has happened to you, I would be really upset too.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : I'm just wondering. No need to get snotty. When we made our registry, 90% of the people we invited said they were coming, so now we have a large registry that won't get purchased. We had a lot of close family & friends bail & its really upsetting. We based our whole wedding around all these people saying they were coming. We booked a large room to accommodate all the guests and now we are below our food/bev & linens minimum. We're losing a lot of money because of them not coming.
Posted by spartybride3[/QUOTE]
Exactly the same thing happened to me. My decline rate is well over 60% and everything we booked was too big. We ended up downsizing two months out. Now we're a little over a month away, and yes we've lost deposits and had to find a new venue and replace vendors, but we're saving more money now than we ended up losing. Good luck.
My Bio
I haven't had my wedding yet, so I have no idea, but I don't think sending a gift after a declined invitation is very common in my area.
[QUOTE]I think everyone has given great advice. I dont understand why you are concerned about the stuff on your registry though, either it gets bought or it doesnt, and you can use your completion discount to get the things you really want.
Posted by sparkles776[/QUOTE]
I have to say, if we had say 50% of our registry not get bought, we'd have to spend about $1,500 to buy it all. We legitimately need probably 95% of what's on our registries, flatware, pots and pans, etc. and the other 5% isn't exactly frivolous. But if we needed to spend that $1,500 across the period of the 10% discount, we probably couldn't do it financially. <div>
<div>It's all well and good to pretend that brides are, or should be, angelic and don't actually want all of the gifts that they are potentiall going to receive. But in reality, setting up a home for the first time costs a lot of money, and the tradition of weddings gifts is meant to seriously defray those costs. I can only imagine being very disappointed if I had a huge decline rate. Of course that disappointment would mostly be related to the fact that my friends and family decided not to come. But not receiving items off the registry would be hard too. Especially since that would mean making hard choices about which items we absolutely need (pots and pans, or flatware?), and which we will forgo now and slowly buy ourselves as we can afford more items.</div></div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : I have to say, if we had say 50% of our registry not get bought, we'd have to spend about $1,500 to buy it all. We legitimately need probably 95% of what's on our registries, flatware, pots and pans, etc. and the other 5% isn't exactly frivolous. But if we needed to spend that $1,500 across the period of the 10% discount, we probably couldn't do it financially. It's all well and good to pretend that brides are, or should be, angelic and don't actually want all of the gifts that they are potentiall going to receive<strong>. But in reality, setting up a home for the first time costs a lot of money, and the tradition of weddings gifts is meant to seriously defray those costs</strong>. I can only imagine being very disappointed if I had a huge decline rate. Of course that disappointment would mostly be related to the fact that my friends and family decided not to come. But <strong>not receiving items off the registry would be hard too. Especially since that would mean making hard choices about which items we absolutely need (pots and pans, or flatware?), and which we will forgo now and slowly buy ourselves as we can afford more items.
</strong>Posted by BTCarolus[/QUOTE]
Or you can do what most of us did. Buy the necessities that you can afford and upgrade them as you are in a better financial position. The cookware I bought when I was first on my own makes me cringe today but I was a broke student then and all I could afford. My china and silverware was from Old Time Pottery and incredibly cheap, I think it cost me a total of $30. Nobody, B&Gs included are entitled to have good stuff right off the bat.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : Or you can do what most of us did. Buy the necessities that you can afford and upgrade them as you are in a better financial position. The cookware I bought when I was first on my own makes me cringe today but I was a broke student then and all I could afford. My china and silverware was from Old Time Pottery and incredibly cheap, I think it cost me a total of $30. Nobody, B&Gs included are entitled to have good stuff right off the bat.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]<div>I'm not saying anybody is entitled to anything. What I'm saying is that being disappointed that you aren't going to have nearly as many people at your wedding as you thought is natural...and part of that disappointment is naturally going to include the fact that you aren't getting gifts like you expected you would. Being b!tches to this girl about that (which a lot of the responses to this post turned into) isn't helpful, and pretending like we're all saints and didn't want to receive gifts or wouldn't have been disappointed if we hadn't, that's just disingenuous.</div><div>
</div><div>Besides all of that, I was specifically responding to a PP who basically told this girl to just buy everything from the registry herself, after the fact. News flash: for some people, that's just not possible, and the decisions that would have to come out of buying these things for yourself on a very limited budget would be pretty painful. Pots and pans, or sheets and a comforter for your new bed? A chef's knife, or bath towels that don't feel like sandpaper? Pay a little more for a couple placesettings of the flatware at Macy's you really wanted, or go to Target and buy a set of cheap crap? Hey, maybe someday, amidst diapers and a mortgage, you'll be able to go back and buy the nice stuff!</div><div>
</div><div>That's not pleasant. If it's what happens, it's what happens. But don't pretend that somebody isn't going to be disappointed that it's happening to her. And don't be rude to her, or act like she's a terrible, selfish person.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : I'm not saying anybody is entitled to anything. What I'm saying is that being disappointed that you aren't going to have nearly as many people at your wedding as you thought is natural...and part of that disappointment is naturally going to include the fact that you aren't getting gifts like you expected you would.
Posted by BTCarolus[/QUOTE]
I understand what you're getting at, but the number of people who accept or decline shouldn't have anything to do with the number of gifts you expect - because you shouldn't "expect" any gifts. It's fun to receive them, sure, but that's not the reason you invite people.
We had a pretty high decline/no response rate (about 50%), and I would say 20-30 of those people (out of about 150) sent gifts.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : I'm not saying anybody is entitled to anything. What I'm saying is that being disappointed that you aren't going to have nearly as many people at your wedding as you thought is natural...and part of that disappointment is naturally going to include the fact that you aren't getting gifts like you expected you would. Being b!tches to this girl about that (which a lot of the responses to this post turned into) isn't helpful, and pretending like we're all saints and didn't want to receive gifts or wouldn't have been disappointed if we hadn't, that's just disingenuous. Besides all of that, I was specifically responding to a PP who basically told this girl to just buy everything from the registry herself, after the fact. News flash: for some people, that's just not possible, and the decisions that would have to come out of buying these things for yourself on a very limited budget would be pretty painful. Pots and pans, or sheets and a comforter for your new bed? A chef's knife, or bath towels that don't feel like sandpaper? Pay a little more for a couple placesettings of the flatware at Macy's you really wanted, or go to Target and buy a set of cheap crap? Hey, maybe someday, amidst diapers and a mortgage, you'll be able to go back and buy the nice stuff! That's not pleasant. If it's what happens, it's what happens. But don't pretend that somebody isn't going to be disappointed that it's happening to her. And don't be rude to her, or act like she's a terrible, selfish person.
Posted by BTCarolus[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Thank you!! I'm not a terrible, selfish person. I understand that an invitation is "not an invoice" but seriously, who doesn't send a wedding gift whether you come to the wedding or not? I wouldn't not send something...I think its rude not to send something. That's like saying "Oh I was important enough to you for you to invite me to your wedding, but you're not important enough to me to send a small congratulatory gift." </div><div>
</div><div>We built our registry based on the number of guests we planned on coming. Our showers weren't as big as we thought they would be and we got many gifts off the registry. We put things on the registry that we need...not what we want. Did I want the gourgeous $250 waterford vase...yes. Is it necessary that we have it...absolutely not. We have crappy college/20's stuff and it needs to go. And no, we cannot afford to buy all the remaining items on our registry. Should we get cash, we'd like to use that towards a down payment on a house...not buying all of our dishes and silverware. </div><div>
</div><div>And yes, it is truly disappointing to look at all those no's and see all the people that are not coming to your wedding. Like BTCarolus said, don't act like you never wanted the people that didn't come to your wedding to not send you a gift.
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gifts from those that RSVP'ed "No" : Thank you!! I'm not a terrible, selfish person. I understand that an invitation is "not an invoice" but seriously, who doesn't send a wedding gift whether you come to the wedding or not? I wouldn't not send something...I think its rude not to send something. That's like saying "Oh I was important enough to you for you to invite me to your wedding, but you're not important enough to me to send a small congratulatory gift." We built our registry based on the number of guests we planned on coming. Our showers weren't as big as we thought they would be and we got many gifts off the registry. We put things on the registry that we need...not what we want. Did I want the gourgeous $250 waterford vase...yes. Is it necessary that we have it...absolutely not. We have crappy college/20's stuff and it needs to go. And no, we cannot afford to buy all the remaining items on our registry. Should we get cash, we'd like to use that towards a down payment on a house...not buying all of our dishes and silverware. And yes, it is truly disappointing to look at all those no's and see all the people that are not coming to your wedding. <strong>Like BTCarolus said, don't act like you never wanted the people that didn't come to your wedding to not send you a gift</strong>.
Posted by spartybride3[/QUOTE]
Believe it or not, we didn't want the people who CAME to our wedding to get us a gift. They were all coming from OOT and were already spending a lot of money just to be there. We never for a second expected people who weren't coming to send us something.
Also, when I got my first apartment, I bought most of my kitchen wares at walmart for $140 total (pots, pans, dishes, flatware, glasses etc). And then you upgrade. Maybe downgrade some of the things on your registry if you're worried about not getting the staple items. We bought a few more things from the registry that we hadn't received, but for most of it, we are doing without (ie half sets of towels etc) and we aren't dying with our college stuff. We'll upgrade as we can.
You may not be a selfish, gift-grabby person, but the way this thread was set up, it is hard to see that.
you never wanted the people that
didn't come to your wedding to not
send you a gift.nbsp; Posted by
spartybride3[/QUOTE]
The only people whose job it is to set up your household are YOU and your FI. That's it. You aren't owed nice stuff to replace your crappy college/20s stuff, nor do you actually have to replace it. Really, how entitled can you be? Nobody owes you a present, whether they can attend your wedding or not. Start thinking of wedding presents as lovely bonuses or you're going to end up disappointed.