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NWPR: Rules of a Polite Society...

caymans_christycaymans_christy
100 Comments
in Wedding Party
Since when do the rules of a polite society not apply to everyone?  Are there exceptions/exemptions that I have been unaware of for my entire life?  Does pregnancy, having children, being in a relationship, being in school exempt people from needing to RSVP to a specific invitation?  Is being pregnant, having children, being in a relationship, being in school an acceptable excuse for failing to follow even the most basic rules of etiquette? 

I am beginning to wonder if I have just been under the mistaken impression that polite is polite, regardless of whether you are starting a family, dating someone new, etc.
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Re: NWPR: Rules of a Polite Society...

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're not mistaken!

    People love to come up with excuses for why they haven't done something that they should do.  DH and I played that game when we had to chase people down for response cards as well.

    Unless someone had a medical emergency, I never undertood why the thing couldn't have been mailed!
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments

    Is there a specific incident that you'd like to share?

    While some of your points are spot on, I think that there can be mitigating circumstances. Being pregnant may not be an excuse to read and respond to one's mail, but having a newborn may be. Perhaps the courteous thing to do is to call them and see if there is something going on.

    Also, depending on your RSVP date, your mentioned circumstances may not allow the person to KNOW whether they can attend on a certain date. Having a newborn or being due near the date of the event, or having school or work obligations that are not known that far in advance may influence how someone responds, if they respond at all.

    So while there are rules, there is also the rule of compassion. Just because you deem someone to be rude to you, doesn't mean that they know they are being rude, or that they intended to be rude. Not everyone was raised the same way, and not everyone has the same focus in your life. WHile your focus may be on your wedding or other event, not everyone you invite will be focused on it, and that is one important thing to remember.

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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Because everyone in society today is told that they're "special" and so people are now growing up thinking that rules don't apply to them.

    Attention, world: you're not special. You're not unique. Your problems aren't worse than everyone else's. I don't give a shiit if your feelings are hurt by something, because sometimes you NEED to get your feelings hurt in order to get proper behavior through your thick heads. Get the fark over yourselves.
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  • caymans_christycaymans_christy
    100 Comments
    What kills me is that people have the time to forward stupid junk emails to me, but cannot hit the reply button on an email that I took my valuable time to draft and send to just say "no", or "thanks for the information, but I cannot attend".  Then, when asked in person about the email(s) that I have sent, the response is "oh, I've been so busy because I am (pregnant/in school/in a new relationship/have kids/etc.)". 

    Gee, I guess the things in my life simply can't be as important as all that.  And, what, with planning a wedding, moving, selling my home, studying for a professional licensing test, working 60 hour weeks, I have PLENTY of time to try and track you down to get a simple yes or no answer to a question. 
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  • caymans_christycaymans_christy
    100 Comments
    Stage - Same email address...  Just "too busy" to read/respond to my email.  But apparently not too busy to open, read and forward the stupid "Tiger Woods Christmas Card".
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwpr-rules-of-polite-society?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d58b728a-412a-4f46-8c23-6c8a94a9de23Post:6d6db86f-c24a-4079-8a2b-304304a3adb4">Re: NWPR: Rules of a Polite Society...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What kills me is that people have the time to forward stupid junk emails to me, but cannot hit the reply button on an email that I took my valuable time to draft and send to just say "no", or "thanks for the information, but I cannot attend".  Then, when asked in person about the email(s) that I have sent, the response is "oh, I've been so busy because I am (pregnant/in school/in a new relationship/have kids/etc.)". Posted by caymans_christy[/QUOTE]

    See, now that would piss me off too. Sending stupid junk but not responding to a real message is a pet peeve of mine. However, its true that some people don't have daily access to email or don't check it often. I always respond to emails because that is my preferred method of communication,  but that's just me.

    Don't take it personally when people don't respond. Other people will never value your time as much as you do. That is very evident in the workplace, for sure.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That irritates me too.  If you have the time to send jokes, you have the time to decide if you're attending.

    However, since it's winter, we're dealing with lots of special snowflakes. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    People have this theory that etiquette or good manners are outdated or old fashioned.  Seriously, if you read these boards, people act like being polite means you're 97. 

    I blame their parents.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    It is unfortunate when people think following proper etiquette is only for those who wear support hose and walk with canes.

    The truth is that treating people with respect has never gone out of style.


    And unfortunately, the same mentality that says you don't need to return a response card helps to feed the "my day" mentality.

    If we all just realize that we need to treat others HOW we want to be treated without making up a reason why it's OK to do the inappropriate, we'll all get along so much better!

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  • caymans_christycaymans_christy
    100 Comments
    I think that is my frustration...   people making excuses when there isn't one.  There may be a reason that you don't have time to respond to my email of when to exchange our Christmas presents, but it doesn't excuse the impoliteness.  Saying you're sorry, and asking when we can get together is fine...  Don't make excuses, just make it right!

    I guess I will just have to put on a pair of granny panties when I write my thank you cards for Christmas presents...
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwpr-rules-of-polite-society?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d58b728a-412a-4f46-8c23-6c8a94a9de23Post:193c90fb-2b54-4442-93c4-091dcfbf3fe0">Re: NWPR: Rules of a Polite Society...</a>:
    [QUOTE]People have this theory that etiquette or good manners are outdated or old fashioned.  Seriously, if you read these boards, people act like being polite means you're 97.  I blame their parents.
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    One thing that annoys me more than anything, especially on TK, is when people use the excuse of we're poor/in college/paying for the wedding ourselves to try to get away with something rude or tacky. Guess what? I'm paying for my wedding too. This does not mean I'm having a cash bar, trying to make my BMs act as unpaid wedding coordinators, asking my parents for money, asking ANYONE to pay for ANYTHING at my wedding, registering for cash or a honeymoon, having a tiered wedding, or asking paid vendors to do me favors for peanuts.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's exactly what I was talking about, Merymac.  "It's not 1954 anymore.  Of course I can register for a honeymoon/cash!"  Sure you can.  But it's still rude, even in 2010.  :)
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  • caymans_christycaymans_christy
    100 Comments

    The HM registry really bothers me.  And so many people are doing it...  Apparently, the mentality is that if more people do it, it is "acceptable".  If you cannot afford to go on a vacation, then don't go on a vacation!  If you cannot afford your dream HM, then simplify...  Since I moved out of my parents house and graduated from college, I've not asked anyone subsidizing my vacations...

    I was in a wedding recently that had a HM registry as the only registry.  I bought two bottles of wine from trader joes, wrapped it in a pretty basket and called it a day.  Normally, I would spend a lot more on a wedding gift, but I am not wasting time hunting around for a present that apparently "they don't need because they have already bought a house and are living together."  (I wonder if that means I shouldn't have to buy birthday or Christmas presents for that couple anymore...)

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Cayman's, since they already own a home, you can contribute to the puppy/baby fund.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A lot of people just don't like giving cash.  It feels weird to me.  If I were you Caymans, I would have done something similar.  
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