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parent torubles

kemcswkemcsw
First Comment
in North Carolina
hey yall, i am fairly new to this, but i do need some advise with parents.
i am engaged to a Marine, we have been together for the past 2 years (next month) & we have been engaged for about a year...my parents do not approve in the least. we pretty much dont have a relationship anymore. my fiance and i are going to have to pay for the entire wedding, which is about a year away, we want to go ahead and get the big things outta the way, like the invitations...but my parents have already said that they are not going. should i still send them one? any advise on the relationship from those of you that know what i am going through?? thanks in advance!!
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Re: parent torubles

  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you'd like them to be there, then you should invite them.
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  • kemcswkemcsw
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i do, but i dont want the drama they will most likely bring.
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  • meredithl618meredithl618 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's your family, invite them. If they don't want to come, they can make that decision. But, if you don't invite them, you're getting down to their level and making the situation even worse. 

    I know you didn't ask this, but I personally think you should try to at least discuss their issues with the situation/wedding.  Planning a wedding can be stressful alone, and if you're essentially cutting ties with family members in the process, it will make things worse.  

    ... Newlywed Blog ...
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  • kemcswkemcsw
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have tried to talk to them, they just say that I disappointed them and they expected more from me...blahblah. It is just my parents, everyone else in the family is fine. Plus I get too emotional having to listen to them put him down...and me included.
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  • andrea01012009andrea01012009 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    there's more to this story than i'm marrying a marine and they are disappointed in you because of that.  me thinks you are hiding the real truth with us.

    out with it.  what's the real reason they don't want to come.
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  • emcardilloemcardillo member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    With as patriotic as America is today, how could your parents not be proud to have you marrying a marine?! (My FI is in the Air Force and is currently overseas and my parents are thrilled.) I agree with Andrea, there has to be more to it. Was he not a good guy at some point? Does he come from a troubled home? Did your parents hope you'd marry  a man with a fat wallet?
    With the little info you gave us, I would still be the "bigger person" and invite them. I think if you don't , you'll regret it if one day you do reconcile your differences. If you invite them, at least you know you tried and reached out to them, if they choose not to come, you know you did everything you could.
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  • alliegator8alliegator8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP.  Be the better person.  Definitely invite them, but I think you have plenty of time to decide.  With a year to go, you have 10 months before you will send invites out.  I would focus on the other big things like site, photog, music, etc.  You never know what the next 10 months might bring.
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  • GirlieGirl27320GirlieGirl27320 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Andrea....there is more to this story.  But, I would definitely invite them if you want them there.  They can decide what they want to do about it, but like Meredith said...don't stoop to their level.

    Leigh Anne & Billy
    *October 2nd, 2010*
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  • shigaitesshigaites
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yep, invites are the least of your worries right now.  I'd focus on other things and cross the invite bridge when you come to it 6 months from now.
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  • kemcswkemcsw
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ok to all the girls who MUST know the real reason; he was not from a wealthy family & my parents asked me to reconsider but you cant stop something that clicked from the moment i saw him. i just didnt think telling yall that he was from a lower income family was really important, the real deal was if i should send my parents invitations, regardless of the circumstances and of his background. i dont fall in love with money.
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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Saying that he's from a lower income family and that's why your parents don't like him isn't important, you're right.  But when you give us no indication of why, our minds wander.

    For all we knew they didn't want you to marry him because he murdered his ex-wife.

    I still stick with what I'd said earlier, and I agree with many PP as well.  If you want to have any sort of relationship with your parents, you should invite them.  If that's truly your parent's only objection, then I think providing opportunities for them to get to know him better will go a long way towards a better relationship.  In the grand scheme of life, you two haven't been together incredibly long.  And I'm not saying that to bring any doubts on your relationship, just to say that although I'm sure you know him well, your parents may not feel like they do. 
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  • kemcswkemcsw
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    haha no...he did not have a exwife that he murdered. he just has a few traffic tickets, which is nothing outta the ordinary, men tend to have heavy feet. They just dont approve of him having things at my apt, like he had some things like, shirts...which most of the time i slept in them, but they were there in case he stayed the night. not everyday, but my parents are just old fashioned. we were engaged then...and i am paying for everything on my own and i can definitely can make up my own mind. but i just think those reasons are completely crazy. and no, they have only meet him once, so they cannot judge.
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  • CJ4578CJ4578 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else- invite your parents, then if they don't decide to come that's on them. My family loves FI, but I get the feeling (ahem, and have evidence that) his family (okay his mom, the rest are fine) aren't super crazy about me. This has mellowed out though, as we have been through almost all our engagement and they see how serious we are about making each other happy. Try to focus on you and FI and just let them see how in love you are and that their idea of your happiness isn't necessarily right for you. They'll hopefully come around.

    Good luck!
    -- C
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  • kemcswkemcsw
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    his sister is not crazy about me but she has come around within the past two years, she knows that he is serious and so am i. we have been through a lot in the past two years...we arent going any where. her and i had a 'come to jesus metting' and now we are fine. i have tried to talk to my parents, but nothing. i will still send them an invite but i wont hold my beath...im sure i am not the first girl who has walked herself down the aisle.

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