NWR:Personal question

pillsburyaj · May 2012

Is anyone else on the fence about having kids? Growing up, I always thought I wanted kids but as I get older the more uncertain I am about it. FI is on the same page as I am. If I were to say I did want kids he would be cool with it, and if I were to say that I didn't he would be cool with that too.

BmoreBride311 · May 2012

Hmm... well there are moments when I hear a screaming or obnoxious kid out in public that give me a bit of doubt, but then I just think, when it's my child, I will love it no matter what, so it won't seem so obnoxious.

So no, I'm not personally on the fence, and neither is my FI. TBH, it seems a bit strange to me that your FI is just "cool with" either having them or not. That seems like a huge life choice to not have much of an opinion on. But I guess for you guys, it's just something that you should keep an open dialogue about so if either of you starts to feel more strongly about, you are able to share this one another and figure it out together.

penny12986 · May 2012

I used to be ambivalent about it but in the past few years, FI and I decided that we definitely do not want them. We prefer to just be aunts and uncles and go home to our quiet house.

There are a lot of things to consider and it depends on where you are in your life but you should not feel pressured to do it if you are not entirely sure that you can devote the rest of your life to people you haven't even met yet.

LADY324 · May 2012

Nope I am not on the fence about it at all I can't wait to be a mom. That is what I look forward to the most in my life.

ceglare4 · May 2012

I'm not on the fence, I do want kids, but right now if you ask me, I get totally grossed out by the whole thing. When I think about what it does to your body for the rest of the life, that really gets to me too sometimes. But one of my BM's just had a baby and she brought him back to Michigan two weeks ago and it made me want a baby so bad, just not now.

And FI is definitely NOT on the fence about it. Having a baby was non-negotiable. We wouldn't be getting married if I said I didn't ever want kids.

pillsburyaj · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwrpersonal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:df0d5d6d-ce76-4d32-badb-7a57a8ca3397Post:1031e207-f4e2-4d63-9f06-06cc10d9a69e">Re: NWR:Personal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm... well there are moments when I hear a screaming or obnoxious kid out in public that give me a bit of doubt, but then I just think, when it's my child, I will love it no matter what, so it won't seem so obnoxious. So no, I'm not personally on the fence, and neither is my FI. <strong>TBH, it seems a bit strange to me that your FI is just "cool with" either having them or not. That seems like a huge life choice to not have much of an opinion on. But I guess for you guys, it's just something that you should keep an open dialogue about so if either of you starts to feel more strongly about, you are able to share this one another and figure it out together.</strong>
Posted by BmoreBride311[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Perhaps I oversimplified my FI's stance. I would not say that he does not have much of an opinion about it I just think he would be supportive of any decision I made. I absolutely agree with you that we should keep an open dialouge about it. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

bells24412 · May 2012

I am scared to be a mom, but I can't wait to have the whole experience.

mbody · May 2012

Fi and I both want children. We're going to stop not trying to have them after the wedding. Haha! Does that make sense? Basically, we're going to stop birth control, but not hard core try like by charting and having sex every other day in crazy positions. We'll do that for a while then try a bit harder if it doesn't happen in maybe 6-9 months.

The closer it becomes the more freaked out I get. Not so much of actually caring for a baby (although it is scary too) but more so of actually being pregnant and the entire labor thing. I've seen way too many 16 and pregnant episodes and labor absolutely scares the bejeezus out of me. On top of that, I'm such a baby.. like I've always hated going to the doctors/dentist even to get the littlest thing done.

bridetobe71412 · May 2012

We're definitely not on the fence. Family is extremely important to both fiance and I (we have large families) so this was non-negotiable for either of us. We are going to "stop preventing" sometime following the wedding, hopefully will be pregnant by next summer.

I think as long as you two have an open dialogue about it and can really, truly support each other no matter what decision you make, I don't see a problem with being on the fence. I have a hard time conceptualizing NOT being certain about it prior to getting married, but that's just me.

timsflower81 · May 2012

FI already has a 16 year old daughter who lives with her mom. We see her on weekends... that is enough for us. We love being alone together, having things be quiet and the ability to do what we want, when we want and have no intentions of changing our happy place. We do have 2 cats.. Loki and Mooshy who we love very much. FI is 38 and I'm 30.

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwrpersonal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:df0d5d6d-ce76-4d32-badb-7a57a8ca3397Post:b83cde6c-23aa-4121-b180-061e63ac1215">Re: NWR:Personal question</a>:
[QUOTE]We're definitely not on the fence. Family is extremely important to both fiance and I (we have large families) so this was non-negotiable for either of us. <strong>We are going to "stop preventing" sometime following the wedding,</strong> hopefully will be pregnant by next summer. I think as long as you two have an open dialogue about it and can really, truly support each other no matter what decision you make, I don't see a problem with being on the fence. I have a hard time conceptualizing NOT being certain about it prior to getting married, but that's just me.
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]
You said this waaayyy better than I did. This is what I meant. Haha!

butterflyjumper1 · May 2012

Definitely not on the fence. Since we just bought a home and are excited to spend some time together, I will probably remain on birth control for another 1-2 years after the wedding, just so we can settle in our home and enjoy each other and do some fun things we have always wanted to do before kids. We also want to make our long-awaited trip to India before we have kids. We will probably stop preventing once we make it to India together.

k8888 · May 2012

FI and I both want children so no fence for us. I want as many kids as we can afford, but FI only wants 2. This is where we may eventually have to compromise, but it just depends on what the future holds for us, and we're both aware of it.

bridetobe71412 · May 2012

k8888 - I am the same way! I want a billion kids, but fiance only wants 2. I will compromise and I'm sure my body will be thankful

hahahaha

k8888 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwrpersonal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:df0d5d6d-ce76-4d32-badb-7a57a8ca3397Post:f8028d60-cec3-416f-b6d3-405226184fae">Re: NWR:Personal question</a>:
[QUOTE]k8888 - I am the same way! I want a billion kids, but fiance only wants 2. <strong>I will compromise and I'm sure my body will be thankful </strong>:) hahahaha
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

I'm thinkin the same thing, too.... hahaha

arunkumar · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwrpersonal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:df0d5d6d-ce76-4d32-badb-7a57a8ca3397Post:2c4cda5b-16e1-419d-884e-2bbe8ef2db6e">Re: NWR:Personal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Definitely not on the fence. Since we just bought a home and are excited to spend some time together, I will probably remain on birth control for another 1-2 years after the wedding, just so we can settle in our home and enjoy each other and do some fun things we have always wanted to do before kids. We also want to make our long-awaited trip to India before we have kids. We will probably stop preventing once we make it to India together.
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

FI and I want to go to India and Ireland in 2013! I am hoping to start trying next summer after our trip to Ireland. I don't want to be the pregnant woman walking into a bar and not be able to drink. I'm ok with having little ones in India because I have tons of family that can help me out. But it would be nice for FI to enjoy his first time there without the distraction of kids.

I know this sounds awful but FI"s nephew is 3 and most of the time, I can't stand to be around him (although I would never tell FI). He's cute for a few moments and everyone fawns over him, but I'm just not interested in hearing him whine, have a tantrum, etc... Yet I still want children. I honestly think I'll be one of those people who only likes my own children!!!

FI and I want children eventually. But for him, it's really scary to think about the lifestyle change and the responsibility. I think we need a year after the wedding to focus on getting our home and our lives organized. That being said, I stopped taking birth control in February and we don't use protection anymore. But we aren't TRYING to get pregnant.

ceglare4 · May 2012

Arunkumar, I TOTALLY know that I am going to be a mom that only likes her own kids. I really don't like little kids right now, at all. They drive me crazy. I can't relate to them, I don't know how to talk to them, and they are just annoying most of the time. I love babies though. I joke with FI now that I want the kids until they're a year or two old, and then he's in charge until the teenage years.

Amanda1443994 · May 2012

FI and I are both on the fence as well. Right now, we both are not like "omg yes we def. have to have kids" yet we're not against it either. So we're very similar to you. We think about what it'd be like 15 to 20 years from now and how lonely it might be if we didn't have kids. How we'd miss out on raising a child and having them graduate, get married, etc. But at the same time, we love having our personal time and privacy and may, honestly, be too selfish at the moment to be able to give all of that to children. We still want to travel and do so many things. So right now, we don't want them. That may, and probably will, change in 5 years. But right now, we're not worried about it. We know what we want in the moment and we agree on that.

arunkumar · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwrpersonal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:df0d5d6d-ce76-4d32-badb-7a57a8ca3397Post:05e1c4b4-4da0-40b1-bfc3-9aeab43d75c7">Re: NWR:Personal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Arunkumar, I TOTALLY know that I am going to be a mom that only likes her own kids. I really don't like little kids right now, at all. They drive me crazy. I can't relate to them, I don't know how to talk to them, and they are just annoying most of the time. I love babies though. I joke with FI now that I want the kids until they're a year or two old, and then he's in charge until the teenage years.
Posted by ceglare4[/QUOTE]

Yeah I think babies would be a lot easier. I've never even changed a diaper though so I shouldn't make any assumptions! I joke with everyone that I want to have a baby and then have it instantly be 5 years old so I can avoid the toddler years and send my kid straight to school. I'm hoping that once I become a mom, I'll enjoy being around other people's kids more. Right now, I even dislike all of the FB posts about how someone's kid is sick or made a cute face, or seeing the constant photos. But I'm sure this will be me in a couple years.

BeachLover2885 · May 2012

We both want kids for sure. We will probably start trying in one to two years. I really want to be financially set and hopefully have purchased a home by the time we have our first child. I am most worried about finances and working. I am at a transition job right now and am not sure what I will be doing in the future. As nice as it would be to be a SAHM, I don't think we can afford it.

penny12986 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_nwrpersonal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:df0d5d6d-ce76-4d32-badb-7a57a8ca3397Post:9dd74e0f-2dfc-4d8d-891b-82ab0ff23b62">Re: NWR:Personal question</a>:
[QUOTE]We are 90% certain that we won't have kids. Neither of us has ever particularly wanted them. We're going to give it a few years to be sure that something doesn't change after we get married and settle down somewhere, then (TMI) <font color="#000000"><strong>FI's going in to make that decision permanent.
</strong></font>Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]

Mine already did and it was not bad at all. He did a ton of research and it is worth the peace of mind for us.

kidlets2 · May 2012

Can't be on the fence because we both have kids from previous marriages. Together, we have 5 ranging in ages from 22 to 11, my 2 being the youngest. His kids live with their mom and mine live with us.

We talked about having kids together but for multiple reasons decided against it. The biggest being that we already have 5 and secondly because he'll be 45 this year.

toomanychoices17 · May 2012

We're not on the fence but I think it's alright that you are. We have both always wanted to have kids. As the time comes closer, I'm getting more freaked out though, about everything. Our jobs are pretty stable, but FI's doesn't pay well (journalist) and I want to finish my Master's before we start trying. Mostly I'm worried about the time commitment- we love our time alone together and I don't know how we'd have the time to raise a child right now, but I guess that's why we'll wait till I'm done with school for good. Oh and I'm worried about the pain and discomfort of it all, labor sounds rough!

Rebis58 · May 2012

Definitely not on the fence! FI and I both want kids. I love babies and kids and I am excited to be a mom. I have a lot of kids in my life and love them all so much.

FI and I are planning to enjoy some time alone together, first, but we will have kids within the next 5 years I'm sure.

michelle11988 · May 2012

We are not on the fence at all. We will probably start trying fall of 2013. I want to work 2 more tax seasons before we have kids. It will also work out that my boss (soon to be partner!)'s triplets will be about 10 so we both won't be out of the office pulling parent duties constantly! Also we will have a lot more money saved up by then and will be financially more stable for me to take a couple months off from work.

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