Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

CandieR90 · November 2012

Hey everyone,

I am having a little dispute with my pain in the butt fiance. I am really big into Christmas he is to but, he is being scrooge this year. We spent about a hundred and fifty dollar on a beautiful artificial tree last year. In my opinion that is a nice chunk of money that is just sitting in a box. We are planning to go home to my families this year and he doesn't want to put the tree up. We will be home every day until Christmas yet he is against putting the tree up. I am already getting into the Christmas spirit and wanna put the tree up soon. Should I let him have his way or try to convince him that it's for the best. I feel like maybe this is contributed to the loss of his mom this spring. What should I do?

J&K10910 · November 2012

Why don't you put it up yourself?

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:3a6165ca-aeda-40c3-b262-7acc3b10da53">Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone, I am having a little dispute with my pain in the butt fiance. I am really big into Christmas he is to but, he is being scrooge this year. We spent about a hundred and fifty dollar on a beautiful artificial tree last year. In my opinion that is a nice chunk of money that is just sitting in a box. We are planning to go home to my families this year and he doesn't want to put the tree up. We will be home every day until Christmas yet he is against putting the tree up. I am already getting into the Christmas spirit and wanna put the tree up soon. Should I let him have his way or try to convince him that it's for the best. I feel like maybe this is contributed to the loss of his mom this spring. What should I do?
Posted by CandieR90[/QUOTE]

Ask him why he doesn't want to put up a tree. That would help a lot in figuring out how to help you.

I wouldn't just put it up yourself though. If he has strong reasons for not putting up a tree this year and you go a head and do it, that it probably going to just cause even more problems.

J&K10910 · November 2012

Maybe I read it wrong, but I got the impression that he just doesn't want to do it. Like, too much bother if they won't be there for the holiday. So that's where my "just do it yourself" advice came from.

Either way, I think the whole thing is sort of odd. I mean, my H doesn't really get into Christmas, but I do, so since it's important to me he humors me and helps me decorate and such. If he couldn't be bothered to at least pretend to care about something that was important to me....well...

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

I kind of read it the same way, JK, like it's a "Oh, we're going away for Christmas anyway, so what's the point?" laziness reason.

If that's the situation, I say that if you want the tree up, just do it yourself.

If he has some deep-rooted psychological reason for being all "I HATE CHRISTMAS TREES!!!!" this year, then take the tree out of the equation and just try to be supportive and help him through whatever's eating at him. It's a fake tree, if it doesn't go up this year, it's not like you're never getting another chance.

J&K10910 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:5b12f10f-ae7d-4d32-b607-97c85a3cfd75">Re:Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]So am I the only one who read the part about her "pain in the butt" FI losing his mom this past spring and this being his first Christmas without her? I think you need to drop it and be very sensitive of his needs this year. The first holidays without a close family member are always the hardest, and chances are that he just doesn't want the constant reminder of the Christmas season staring him in the face every single night, especially not for nearly 2 solid months. DH didn't even want to celebrate the holidays the first year after his mother passed, and from what I understand he didn't put a tree up in his home again until he moved in with me 3 years later. I'm not saying you have to give him total say forever, but for Christ's sake, try putting yourself in his shoes and let him do this one year in the way that is least painful for him. Is it really worth causing him pain just to have a Christmas tree? You are whining about going one year without one when you're FI has lost his mom and you are calling HIM a pain in the butt?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Yeah, definitely did not read that.

I change all my previous advice. Drop this immediately, OP. WTF.

MrsGandthebeag · November 2012

I totally agree with Stage on this one. When I lost my dad I didn't even want to think about Christmas. Granted, he died 20 days before Christmas, but still. Talk to your FI and support him.

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

Totally missed that he lost his mom within the last year, Stage. OP, I still kind of stand by what I initially told you, though, just not so flippantly worded.

Think about how he feels. Yes, you spent the money on the tree and you like it ... but his first Christmas without his mom isn't about you wanting to get all the bang for your buck.

It's a fake tree. If this is something he really isn't ready to deal with, there's always next Christmas..

emeejeeayen · November 2012

I think you need to have a serious conversation with your FI about his feelings about Christmas this year. Be sensitive, but I think if Christmas is going to be a really touchy subject this year, you should probably get a heads up. You don't want to be accidentally upsetting him throughout all of December. My FI has a habit of having feelings without taking the time internally to identify what has caused them, so if we don't take time every once in a while to try to discuss his feelings it always ends up not so great for our relationship.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:5b12f10f-ae7d-4d32-b607-97c85a3cfd75">Re:Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]So am I the only one who read the part about her "pain in the butt" FI losing his mom this past spring and this being his first Christmas without her? I think you need to drop it and be very sensitive of his needs this year. The first holidays without a close family member are always the hardest, and chances are that he just doesn't want the constant reminder of the Christmas season staring him in the face every single night, especially not for nearly 2 solid months. DH didn't even want to celebrate the holidays the first year after his mother passed, and from what I understand he didn't put a tree up in his home again until he moved in with me 3 years later. I'm not saying you have to give him total say forever, but for Christ's sake, try putting yourself in his shoes and let him do this one year in the way that is least painful for him. Is it really worth causing him pain just to have a Christmas tree? You are whining about going one year without one when you're FI has lost his mom and you are calling HIM a pain in the butt?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Nope. Hence my advice to talk to him about why he doesn't want a tree. It could very well be because he lost his mom but I didn't want to make any assumptions, and OP is guessing herself. She kind of needs to talk to him instead of assuming.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:aaacba8b-f5a9-49db-b258-0864177d4e69">Re: Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been 100% responsible for the Christmas decorations for the entire marriage - 36 years. He doesn't care. That's just the way it is.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>This made me smile.</div>

Summer2011Bride · November 2012

I would talk to FI and really find his reasons for not wanting the tree. If it's just, "Eh I don't want to bother with all that hassle" then I see no reason why you can't volunteer to do it and just put it up and decorate it yourself. If it's, "I don't feel like celebrating this year since losing my mom," then I'd drop it and just forego the tree this year.

kmmssg · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:aaacba8b-f5a9-49db-b258-0864177d4e69">Re: Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been 100% responsible for the Christmas decorations for the entire marriage - 36 years. He doesn't care. That's just the way it is.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You could be talking about my DH there, CMG. His permanent ringtone on my phone is the theme song from the Grinch, he has 3 Grumpy coffee mugs, and a charcoal colored Santa hat that says bah humbug on it. I have said many, many times "there is a reason why we don't call him Mr. Christmas."</div><div>
</div><div>OP - I'm thinking this probably has something to do with his mom. He is going through the first "everything" this year after losing her and he may not be dealing with this so well. There would be nothing wrong with just asking him why he feels this way, but I would defer to this one this year.

</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:cb198fc9-45f8-4ec1-8fdd-dd690d5b0cd9">Re: Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree : OP - I'm thinking this probably has something to do with his mom. He is going through the first "everything" this year after losing her and he may not be dealing with this so well. There would be nothing wrong with just asking him why he feels this way, but I would defer to this one this year.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Especially if Christmas was "his mom's holiday."

Ali092011 · November 2012

Yeah... I have to agree with PPs. If you think his lack of enthusiasm about the tree has ANYTHING to do with losing his mom, don't push it!

ETA: Also, I'm one of those people who doesn't even want to think about a Christmas tree until after Thanksgiving. It's possible that he's just not in the spirit yet. You could try bringing it up again very gently in a few weeks. At that time, if he is still against it, enjoy the tree at your parents' house this year.

jennylee813 · November 2012

First of all, he's likely dealing with the loss of his mother. Be sensitive to that.

Second of all, it's REALLY early to be thinking about trees, even artificial ones.

Third of all, I'm with him. If you're not going to be there for the holidays, why put up a tree that you're only going to take down again when you come home. The last thing I'd want to deal with after holiday travel is un-decorating.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:e9f56d9f-0dd6-4b6a-8469-9e402afec7f5">Re: Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, he's likely dealing with the loss of his mother. Be sensitive to that. Second of all, it's REALLY early to be thinking about trees, even artificial ones. Third of all, I'm with him. <strong>If you're not going to be there for the holidays, why put up a tree that you're only going to take down again when you come home. The last thing I'd want to deal with after holiday travel is un-decorating.
Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]
</strong>
Really? Because I've done this for more than a decade now.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

Growing up I used to make my parents put the Christmas tree up right after Thanksgiving and then I wouldn't let them take it down until late January. One of them would have to distract me with some kind of outing so the other could covertly take the dead tree/fire hazard down. But I also don't think I've had a Christmas tree in like 15 years.

Maggie0829 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_oh-christmas-tree-oh-christmas-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cd027e1c-2a16-40b6-a6f8-73a3cd75170aPost:e9f56d9f-0dd6-4b6a-8469-9e402afec7f5">Re: Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, he's likely dealing with the loss of his mother. Be sensitive to that. Second of all, it's REALLY early to be thinking about trees, even artificial ones. Third of all, I'm with him.<strong> If you're not going to be there for the holidays, why put up a tree that you're only going to take down again when you come home. The last thing I'd want to deal with after holiday travel is un-decorating</strong>.
Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]

Even if I won't be home on Christmas Day I still decorate my house. I usually start putting decorations up the day after Thanksgiving. My house is always decked out in holiday gear because I think it really makes the house feel warm and cozy and helps to get me in the holiday spirit.

OP, I agree with the others. I think you need to talk with your FI about his feelings in regards to Christmas and what all goes in with it. If he really just does not want to be bombarded with Christmas decorations and such then for this year don't decorate or just put out a few things, like a nice wreath on the front door and maybe a snowman or santa. I think you need to be senstitive about how he is feeling but I also don't think that you should have to give up or hide your love of Christmas either.

jennylee813 · November 2012

Really? It would never occur to me to decorate if I wasn't going to be home for Christmas. We traveled last year, and when we got home at 11pm after two days of driving on snowy/icy roads with no rest stops (there are literally no places to pull over), the only thing on my mind was being home and crawling into bed. Home looked like it always does, and I didn't have to do anything to it...

But since I don't especially enjoy Christmas, I guess I'm in the minority. If I have to put a tree up, it's usually the week before Christmas. All traces are gone New Years Day.

MyNameIsNot · November 2012

Who the hell is thinking about Christmas trees the first week of November? I still have a pumpkin on my porch FFS.

This is exactly why so many people hate Christmas. It's insatiable.

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

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