Personal Attendant duties

scthawki · June 2011

I've been married almost 6 years and didn't have a personal attendant for my wedding. My brother and future sister-in-law are getting married this fall and asked me to be the PA. Was all good and well until I found out my sister was asked to be a bridesmaid over me. Not thrilled about that, but I'm going to make the best of it. However, I need some help. I've seen some other posts with people's thoughts on the role, but I have no idea what duties the PA is responsible for. Can anyone share what they have done as a PA or what their PAs have been responsible for?

Wiscisbliss · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_personal-attendant-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d62a501d-9080-4bc6-8a39-05340fc381f8Post:7f6ddbc7-c11e-4a9e-86d9-9a9fd5dc9527">Re: Personal Attendant duties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Personal Attendant duties : I'm confused - aren't these usually "criteria" for your bride's maids? If a good friend like this isn't enough to make BM status, what/who is?
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

Sisters. Also, another factor was that a very good mutual friend of ours (the 3 of us were besties in HS) got married on the same day 4 hours away (I have no idea why she chose to do that, but was pretty irritated since we shared about 40 people on the guest list since our parents are also good friends). I didn't want to make a friend forced into coming to one wedding over the other.
Even if that weren't the case, I seriously believe that she would have enjoyed doing the PA role. It sounds strange, but it is the truth. It'd hard to explain, but knowing her for nearly 20 years would.

Seriously, I think this is partially a regional thing. If the bride isn't a diva, then I don't see much of a difference between a PA and an Usher. Both are part of the WP and partake in all of that jazz. We treated our Officiant and Musicians in the same way since they are friends too. They are all in our WP photos, got gifts, had hair done, etc.

Summer2011Bride · June 2011

I would personally turn it down, but I have had friends who've had PA's and not treated them like their bitch and the PA enjoyed the job, so whatever. I guess if you enjoy doing those things and don't mind, sure, go for it. I would personally not feel comfortable being called that title with certain expectations, so I would decline and say I'd rather just come as a guest.

[Deleted User] · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_personal-attendant-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d62a501d-9080-4bc6-8a39-05340fc381f8Post:5a7d9cfe-aef4-4a7b-b4c9-d3b0e8fcd767">Re: Personal Attendant duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Frankly, I'd turn down the job. "I've thought about it, and don't feel I have sufficient time to devote to you as you deserve that day." You'll be stuck doing chores while everyone else enjoys the party. It's a way for the bride to get unpaid help.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This. From what I understand, it's a regional thing, so while it's shocking to me to have a PA, I know that it's normal for some. However, I would still find it insulting if I were asked to be one.

scthawki · June 2011

Thanks for all the helpful feedback! Ironically, the bride (my future sister-in-law) has been closer to me than my sister (who lives across the country and never comes home). The other two BMs are the bride's close friends from college, so that makes sense. I think I'd rather just be a guest, but since this is my future SIL, I figure I need to be the bigger person. I've offered assistance and asked what needs to be done and haven't been asked to do anything, so I guess I'll hang out until closer to the wedding.

em01092 · June 2011

I have never heard of a PA around here. We have some ladies, usually wives of pastors, who act as pseudo- DOCs: welcoming guests, directing WP when to walk down the aisle or helping with decor but that's it.

At every wedding I have been to/heard about, brides have BMs and family around to help if she needs a hand. If the bride needs something, she just asks nicely, just as she would for any favor, WR or NWR.

mrsb88 · April 2012

My fiance and I are extremly close to his cousin, but we are even closer to some of our friends and family, so we chose her for our attendant.. she will help out with all of the little things that we won't be able to do.. pinning boutinerre's, getting everything set up at reception etc.. i think it is just as much a honor to be a wedding attendant as a bridesmaid/groomsman... she is still close to us and she has always been our go to person.

abrooke2008 · April 2012

I am fairly new to posting here....but gosh, I have been so surprised by the amount of rude girls that post. I can't believe that anyone would think so highly of themselves that they would turn down the bride asking them to be a personal attendant. To me that just makes you look like you think you are WAY more important than you really are. And using the excuse that you don't think you would have enough time or could really perform the duties makes you look terrible. What else are you going to be busy doing? Getting ready at home by yourself?

I think it would be an honor to be a personal attendant. People have to understand that decisions must be made. If there is not room to be a bridesmaid, the next best thing is a personal attendant! I feel like this is VERY similar to being an usher for men. It is an honor to be asked to be an usher!

I have 7 bridesmaids and wanted to ask many more people to be in my wedding but unfortunately there just wasn't room! So now I am having 3 personal attendants. I really don't expect them to do much....just help out where needed. The main reason I asked them was because I wanted them to be included in the wedding somehow because they all mean a lot to me.

To the original poster - it does seem weird that she asked your sister to be a bridesmaid. However, in your case, I would just be nice about it and think of it as an honor. Maybe she trusts you more with the details and being organized!

rayna7679 · August 2012

i'm haveing a personal attendent at my wedding and wont ask much of her but it be special in her own way i'm sure it be an honor help is lacking in some areas of my wedding feel free to do the PA job. at my cuzins wedding when i was 7 i was asked to be a guest book attendant and i enjoyed it.. missed some of her wedding but watched a video later so either job is a special one.

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