Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

I upset my sister by not having her in the wedding!

I really need help...   I was engaged to be married in 2006.  I had everything ready.. my dress, my girls had their dresses, and 3 months prior to the wedding, my finace told me he was cheating so everything was called off.  Some of my bridesmaids then, including my sister & I are not close at all.  Another one of my bridesmaids (my cousin) sold her dress because back then, she was pregnant.  Well I have moved on and am engaged to be married this June and rather than planning another big wedding, we're having a destination wedding in Florida.  My sister and I had a huge falling out over the presidential election... where I was voting Republican and she got very angry with me and wrote me a nasty email, basically telling me that she wrote me off as her sister and deleted me off of all of her online accounts (facebook & myspace) she's very childish like that.  Well we have reconciled to some extent... however, I think I have spoken to her twice on the phone since then and she may leave comments here and there on my facebook page but we really do not talk. Well recently, she found out I was having my cousin, and 2 of my best friends in the wedding and she called my cousin very upset that she's not in the wedding.  I feel bad, and my mom told me I needed to have her in the wedding, especially since she bought her dress (3 years ago).  I do not feel that just because she's my sister and has a dress from my previous wedding means I need to have her in my wedding.. especially given the fact that since then, we had a major falling out and never talk.  I already asked her if she would be willing to read from Corinthians at the wedding and she said she didn't want to read, she doesn't like to read in front of people. I have tried to still include her to make her feel not completely left out but I don't feel close enough to her anymore to have her as my bridesmaid. 

Should I suck it up and put her in the wedding to avoid conflict or should I stick to my guns?  

Re: I upset my sister by not having her in the wedding!

  • I say stick to your guns, and stay with your current bridesmaids.
    The reason I say this, is because you said it yourself. You aren't that close to her, and you had a falling out over something stupid. Tell her that you don't feel close enough to have her in the wedding party, but that she is more than welcome to ocme to the wedding if she so feels.

    Again, it is YOUR wedding, and you can have who YOU want in your wp.

    Jes
    <*>My Blog<*> Updated Sept. 20 My BFP Chart
    Started TTC July 2010 ~ Diagnosed with Hypothyroidism April 2011 ~ BFP 5.10.11 EDD 1.16.12
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_upset-sister-not-having-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:602c9d80-e5f1-4eb1-b9f2-409c14cc02ddPost:2d93bd1a-2f3c-418b-b306-06e62906993e">I upset my sister by not having her in the wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really need help...   I was engaged to be married in 2006.  I had everything ready.. my dress, my girls had their dresses, and 3 months prior to the wedding, my finace told me he was cheating so everything was called off.  Some of my bridesmaids then, including my sister & I are not close at all.  Another one of my bridesmaids (my cousin) sold her dress because back then, she was pregnant.  Well I have moved on and am engaged to be married this June and rather than planning another big wedding, we're having a destination wedding in Florida.  My sister and I had a huge falling out over the presidential election... where I was voting Republican and she got very angry with me and wrote me a nasty email, basically telling me that she wrote me off as her sister and deleted me off of all of her online accounts (facebook & myspace) she's very childish like that.  Well we have reconciled to some extent... however, I think I have spoken to her twice on the phone since then and she may leave comments here and there on my facebook page but we really do not talk. Well recently, she found out I was having my cousin, and 2 of my best friends in the wedding and she called my cousin very upset that she's not in the wedding.  I feel bad, and my mom told me I needed to have her in the wedding, especially since she bought her dress (3 years ago).  I do not feel that just because she's my sister and has a dress from my previous wedding means I need to have her in my wedding.. especially given the fact that since then, we had a major falling out and never talk.  I already asked her if she would be willing to read from Corinthians at the wedding and she said she didn't want to read, she doesn't like to read in front of people. I have tried to still include her to make her feel not completely left out but I don't feel close enough to her anymore to have her as my bridesmaid.  Should I suck it up and put her in the wedding to avoid conflict or should I stick to my guns?  
    Posted by BLudwig5[/QUOTE]

    Just so I understand.  You're not engaged yet.  You won't be engaged for 5 more months, and you're having WP problems?  If I'm reading your post right, and the timeline is as you described, think you might want to wait until you're actually engaged to start choosing a WP.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I have a sister that has a lot of issues. She suffers from anorexia, which I would never hold against her, and along with that, as can be expected, she has terrible mood swings, rebelling issues. She never hardly talks to me, she steals, she does terrible things. We have never been close and are even further away now. I know she can't help her disease, but though I try, the way she acts sometimes makes it really hard to remember that shes my one and only sister and I need her. She will be in my wedding party, partially for my mother's sake. But, though she may always hate me or act like it because of her depression issues,  I still am willing to forget all of the bad things for one day and remember she's my one and only sister. She may cause many problems in getting to the big day, I may threaten to kick her out at times, but I will never have another chance to have her stand by me on the biggest day of my life.
  • I have a sister that has a lot of issues. She suffers from anorexia, which I would never hold against her, and along with that, as can be expected, she has terrible mood swings, rebelling issues. She never hardly talks to me, she steals, she does terrible things. We have never been close and are even further away now. I know she can't help her disease, but though I try, the way she acts sometimes makes it really hard to remember that shes my one and only sister and I need her. She will be in my wedding party, partially for my mother's sake. But, though she may always hate me or act like it because of her depression issues,  I still am willing to forget all of the bad things for one day and remember she's my one and only sister. She may cause many problems in getting to the big day, I may threaten to kick her out at times, but I will never have another chance to have her stand by me on the biggest day of my life.
  • Ken&CassKen&Cass member
    500 Comments
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_upset-sister-not-having-her-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:602c9d80-e5f1-4eb1-b9f2-409c14cc02ddPost:4b97a6db-a45c-4a60-b74d-3cc4c8335de2">Re: I upset my sister by not having her in the wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to I upset my sister by not having her in the wedding! : Just so I understand.  You're not engaged yet.  You won't be engaged for 5 more months, and you're having WP problems?  If I'm reading your post right, and the timeline is as you described, think you might want to wait until you're actually engaged to start choosing a WP.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    I read that she was getting married this June. She said she was "engaged to be married in June" right?

    <p style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;color:#1f1f1f;font-family:Arial;">To answer the original question, stick to your guns. There is going to be conflict regardless of whether or not your sister gets her way. You should have the day as you will be most happy and feel most comfortable. Sometimes being nice and just conceding doesn't always turn out the way you think it will.</span></p>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • The fact that she went to your cousin instead of you shows, I think, that she is still as immature as ever. Ask yourself if you want someone like that in your party. Stick to your guns and if people ask simply explain that she hasn't shown an interest in reconciling with you (after a very silly thing to disown someone over in the first place) and you two are not close.

    That explanation may not be enough for some people, but you cannot please everyone.

  • stick to your guns. It's your wedding day.
  • When you are the bride, YOU get to select your bridesmaids. No one else gets to decide who they should be. And they should be the ladies (or sometimes a bridesman) who are your closest friends and supporters.

    It sounds like your sister does not fit the description. This is 2010, not 2006. What happened 4 years ago is ancient history. You've made a good decision, now be content with it.
  • On the other hand, she is your sister, and though she  may be immature now, she will probably grow up, and she will always be your sister.  And in the years to come, will you regret excluding her?  Could this be your chance to truly reconcile?  I'm not saying it is, just something to think about.  Obviously it is your wedding, but generally forgiving someone makes you feel a lot better.  
  • yup, stick to your guns!

    my counsin had her wedding called off and when she married 3 years later, she had a totally different WP because relationships had changed. its ok for you to have a different group of people to be your bridesmaids. I hope everything calms down for you soon!
  • You are the bride, you get to decide who is in the wedding party, but it is also an honor that your sister does seem to care about. It sounds like it could cause an even bigger rift between you, and that's something that you have to be prepared to handle should you not choose her. I'm definitely not saying your right or wrong, and it's a difficult situation, I'm just trying to present another side of the issue. I hope this helps and I'm sure you'll make the right decision, regardless!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards