extremely nervous bride.

Re: extremely nervous bride.

• Ali092011 member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-nervous-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:610455a0-e2ac-4d62-9dfd-4a3dd79a1546Post:35820ef6-24a2-43c4-824b-f28296e1958f">extremely nervous bride.</a>:
  [QUOTE]So we have a little under two months before the big day. I love my fiance and we even dated back when we were about 13 years old. However, now that its getting closer, I'm letting little things bother me and I'm starting to question everything.Im such an outgoing, sociable, carefree, easy going person and my fiance constantly gets irritated and annoyed with people and he doesn't care for social situations. We still go out and do things, but the tiniest things make him mad or annoyed. Also, lately<strong> I've been thinking about how happy I was back when I lived in another state and was single</strong> and going out with friends and not having anyone to order to so much. I've never lived on my own and my fiance and I have lived with my dad, my mom, and his mom for the last year and we are now about to sign the paperwork for our house. So I'm very nervous about that.<strong> I just feel like he's not someone I can spend my life with sometimes </strong>and other times I feel like I can't see myself without him.<strong> I never thought I would get married. </strong>I always was perfectly content being by myself and now I'm letting someone else in my world to share my things and his. I'm not entirely sure I want to get married anymore....sometimes. is this something every soontobe bride thinks of? Is this just my fear of growing up!? I can't go out and party single forever. My friends say its just wedding jitters. Is there truth behind that? Any advice would be wonderful and welcome, please!
  Posted by LisaSchn122786[/QUOTE]
  
  Okay, the big picture here boils down to this question: Are you truly questioning the idea of marrying this man, or are you just nostalgic for your old life and wondering how it would be if you were still living like that? I think only you can answer that question.
  
  Comments like the first and second phrases I bolded lead me to think that you're not sure about marrying<em> this man</em>, and that it is not a good idea to proceed with this wedding. If you're not sure your personalities are a good match at all, I don't see how your relationship functions, and a marriage will be no different. Remember--and this can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it--people don't magically change when they go from boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife. He'll still have the same annoying habits, and some traits may make you want to pull your hair out. Do you love him enough to put up with that? Again, <em>you</em> need to answer that question.
  
  The third bolded statement makes me wonder if you're just nervous about the concept of marriage because you never saw yourself in this position. If that's the case, it may be just nerves, but I would still think long and hard about if this is something you want.
  
  I think every bride-to-be contemplates the ways in which her life might change when she gets married, and some do get jitters, but I can say for sure that from the moment I decided to say yes to marrying FI, I pictured myself as his wife and didn't once question whether I was making a mistake.
  
  I'm not saying there's a right answer, but I think you have a ways to go before getting married is a good idea for you, and I don't know if those questions can be answered in under two months. I'm leaning towards thinking postponing is a wise choice.

  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-nervous-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:610455a0-e2ac-4d62-9dfd-4a3dd79a1546Post:35820ef6-24a2-43c4-824b-f28296e1958f">extremely nervous bride.</a>:
  [QUOTE]So we have a little under two months before the big day. I love my fiance and we even dated back when we were about 13 years old. However, now that its getting closer, I'm letting little things bother me and I'm starting to question everything.Im such an outgoing, sociable, carefree, easy going person and my fiance constantly gets irritated and annoyed with people and he doesn't care for social situations. We still go out and do things, but the tiniest things make him mad or annoyed. Also, lately I've been thinking about how happy I was back when I lived in another state and was single and going out with friends and not having anyone to order to so much. I've never lived on my own and my fiance and I have lived with my dad, my mom, and his mom for the last year and we are now about to sign the paperwork for our house. So I'm very nervous about that. I just feel like he's not someone I can spend my life with sometimes and other times I feel like I can't see myself without him. I never thought I would get married. I always was perfectly content being by myself and now I'm letting someone else in my world to share my things and his. I'm not entirely sure I want to get married anymore....sometimes. is this something every soontobe bride thinks of?<strong> Is this just my fear of growing up!?</strong> I can't go out and party single forever. My friends say its just wedding jitters. Is there truth behind that? Any advice would be wonderful and welcome, please!
  Posted by LisaSchn122786[/QUOTE]
  
  See, this is something everybody should be <em>before </em>they get married. Getting married doesn't make you an adult. And it sounds like you aren't there yet. That's not a slam -- you yourself admit that you've never lived on your own. That's something that everybody -- male or female -- should do before they get married. You have no idea what it's like to have to pay bills on time, or budget the rent and food and fun money, or have to skip work to wait for the cable guy, or have to deal with a power outage at 10pm, or kill your own spiders, because you've always had mommy and daddy there to deal with it for you.
  
  Give yourself the chance to grow up before you tie yourself down.

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• cwaggoner07 member

  

  September 2012

  I agree with PP. That doesn't mean you have to break everything off with him, by all accounts you seem good with him.
  There are many many many girls who date their significant others for long periods of time while they are growing up. We were together 4 years, which I think is pretty average, but only YOU can know whether you are ready.

  It was a fairytale.

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• J&K10910 member

  

  September 2012

  I think there are a few things you should probably do.  One of those things is to at the very least postpone the wedding (indefinitely). 
  
  Another is to figure out what exactly it is that you want.  Do you just need a girls' night out every week?  Do you have friends where you're currently living?  Do you do things without your FI?  Spending time together is good, but having your own friends, interests, and activities is, IMO, key to really appreciating your time together with him. 
  
  It sucks that he doesn't enjoy going out and being social.  But that doesn't mean that you have to suffer through trying to be social with him being irritated all night or not go out at all.  Go out without him.  If he has an issue with that, well, then that's another conversation.  Try to find somethign else you guys like to do together that you BOTH enjoy, and spend your time together doing that instead. 
  
  

  
  
  Everything the light touches is my kingdom.

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• AlaskaDee23

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_extremely-nervous-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:610455a0-e2ac-4d62-9dfd-4a3dd79a1546Post:9bf668f6-7f70-425a-9354-9f6c26045ef8">Re:extremely nervous bride.</a>:
  [QUOTE]I am pretty social. My husband is not. I was never once nervous about having to change my life when I married him because he has never tried to change that, or anything, about me. I go out when I want to and he stays in if he doesn't feel like it. Heck, I'm going on an overnight trip to a concert without him next month. <strong> Being compatible doesnt mean you guys are exactly the same, but it does mean you are able to compromise and be happy with each other the way you are. If you honestly can't see yourself spending your life with this guy, even sometimes, you need to hold off on both the wedding and buying a house. </strong> Only you can figure out if you want to spend forever with this man or not, but I would suggest figuring it out before you are legally and financially tied to him forever. There is nothing wrong with deciding that you don't want to get married.
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  This!

  

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• stephjrivers member

  

  September 2012

  I would suggest maybe talking to a counselor.  It's hard to say not really knowing you myself, but I had SERIOUS misgivings about my first husband and guess what, they were right.  I just thought we fought too much and were too different but I had been with him since high school and couldn't see my life without him.  I was scared of being totally independant.  We had little personality clashes all the time.  I was so nervous before my last wedding and couldn't get into planning at all.  This time is totally different.  I can't WAIT to marry my fiance.  I do sometimes miss going out with all my friends and I still go out, but I don't wish I could go home alone or with another guy at all.  I just want to go home to my fiance and tell him all about my fun night our or share everything from work with him.  It did make a big difference that after my divorce I had to live with my parents for a while but then later I moved into an apartment with a roomate and it was a great year.  Very freeing.  I am 6 months out from my wedding though, so I guess no room for pre-wedding jitters yet.  I would say not to dismiss your feelings as just being nervous if you really think there is some base to it.  There is a a lot of compromise in a marriage.. like I am much more social than my fiance, but if he knows I really want to go have dinner with friends, he sucks it up and goes and is very nice and polite and usually has a good time despite himself.  And if I know he had a really bad week and needs some time to just rest at home, I don't push it on the going out.  But if you two can't compromise and are always butting heads that is different.  It might be better though once you do have your own place, living with your spouse with parents too is hard, I've been there as well.  I think maybe talking to a third party like a counselor would be a really good idea.  Best of luck!

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