MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it

lbelle190 · April 2011

My mom has already ordered her dress for my July wedding. It is a floor length, berry colored, off the shoulder number that really looks good on her rounded bodytype. My FMIL knows that my mom has a floor length, but keeps pushing a short dress that she found (I have no idea what it looks like). At this point, I don't want to pull the Bridezilla card and say she has to get a long dress. But at the same time, this is my FMIL's first wedding and she keeps saying she "doesn't know what to do about weddings". So this makes me think that she just needs direction. But then again, if she already knows everything about my mom's dress, why is she pushing so hard for her direction and not ours? There are a few emotional complexities with the whole relationship that I have with her, and I don't know if that's clouding my judgement... Should I put my foot down and say it has to be long? Or let her have a short dress?

[Deleted User] · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-fmil-long-short-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:96cdcee3-2335-4896-a4aa-480bfcec605dPost:cf465981-ec9e-4ad8-abf8-d8cca1cf592b">MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom has already ordered her dress for my July wedding. It is a floor length, berry colored, off the shoulder number that really looks good on her rounded bodytype. My FMIL knows that my mom has a floor length, but keeps pushing a short dress that she found (I have no idea what it looks like). At this point, I don't want to pull the Bridezilla card and say she has to get a long dress. But at the same time, this is my FMIL's first wedding and she keeps saying she "doesn't know what to do about weddings". So this makes me think that she just needs direction. But then again, if she already knows everything about my mom's dress, why is she pushing so hard for her direction and not ours? There are a few emotional complexities with the whole relationship that I have with her, and I don't know if that's clouding my judgement... Should I put my foot down and say it has to be long? Or let her have a short dress?
Posted by lbelle190[/QUOTE]

If you dictate that her dress has to be long, you are being a huge bridezilla. The MOB and MOG dresses do not have to coordinate in length or color for that matter. Let her wear what she feels comfortable and beautiful in. If that means her choosing a pant suit, then so be it. Not a big deal at all.

If you would like to go shopping with her or suggest a few dresses if she is having a hard time shopping, then that would be okay. But please don't tell her she must wear a long dress just b/c your Mom is wearing a long dress.

My Mom wore a knee length dress and my MIL wore a dress that was a bit longer. They both looked beautiful.

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-fmil-long-short-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:96cdcee3-2335-4896-a4aa-480bfcec605dPost:cf465981-ec9e-4ad8-abf8-d8cca1cf592b">MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom has already ordered her dress for my July wedding. It is a floor length, berry colored, off the shoulder number that really looks good on her rounded bodytype. My FMIL knows that my mom has a floor length, but keeps pushing a short dress that she found (I have no idea what it looks like). At this point, I don't want to pull the Bridezilla card and say she has to get a long dress. But at the same time, this is my FMIL's first wedding and she keeps saying she "doesn't know what to do about weddings". So this makes me think that she just needs direction. But then again, if she already knows everything about my mom's dress, why is she pushing so hard for her direction and not ours? There are a few emotional complexities with the whole relationship that I have with her, and I don't know if that's clouding my judgement... Should I put my foot down and say it has to be long? <strong>Or let her have a short dress</strong>?
Posted by lbelle190[/QUOTE]

Let her have the short dress. Basically it isn't up to you on what dress she gets because she isn't in the WP, plus no MOG dress has to coordinate with your mom's dress nor anything else wedding related. Easiest thing you can do is tell her, "whatever dress makes you feel beautiful in, choose it" and leave at that. If she needs help finding a dress either volunteer to do a dress shopping trip or just tell her that any department or bridal salon associate will steer her in the right direction. Definitely don't overthink this issue, it sounds like your have a semi strain relationship with her and getting worked up over a simple dress is not worth it.

MairePoppy · April 2011

The MOB and MOG should choose a dress that suits their own individual styles and the formality of your wedding. They do not have to match or complement each other, the wedding party or the decor. Their dresses do not have to be the same length.

Your mother found a dress that she loves, please encourage your fmil to do the same.

phunluvin82 · April 2011

My mom is wearing a long dress and FMIL is wearing short...what's the big deal? I picked out the BM dresses...but other than that, I'm not going to tell grown women how they should be dressing...

KatieDoodle25 · April 2011

Hi there,

I have heard both schools of thought for how the mothers are supposed to dress the day of the wedding. My mom and I were talking to our florist and she said that anymore it doesn't matter if the lengths coordinate or if the colors coordinate. So, I wouldn't fret about dress length. The most important thing is that both women get a dress that they look nice in and that it fits them well.

Happy planning!

McKenna2012 · April 2011

I don't see what it matters if the FMIL wears a different length dress.

pizzanfries4me · April 2011

You won't even notice what people are wearing - if she is wearing something that her rear end is falling out or she just looks like an over-all train wreck, then people will side eye her, not you.
I would let it go. My mom chose a very nice pant suit, my MIL chose a short dress, I had no idea until I saw the pictures weeks later
Also, a friend also wore a short short short dress, with a very low cut at the top - again, no idea til I saw the photos.

aerinpegadrak · April 2011

What's the worst thing that can happen if your FMIL shows up in a short dress? Really, the absolute worst thing that can possibly come of this? Because unless the answer is "Someone will die" or "Our wedding will not be legally valid," it's not worth worrying about.

trix1223 · April 2011

I guess I'd be unhappy if your FMIL chose to wear a red sequined spandex micro-mini dress, but even then, it's her call, not yours.

The answer you give your FMIL is the answer my adorable DIL gave me when I asked about attire:

ME: What do you want me to wear for the wedding?
DIL: Whatever you feel beautiful and comfortable in.

Did I mention that I hit the DIL lottery when my son was married?

FinleyF · April 2011

I think that as long as your MOB and MIL are dressed in the same style, you should be accepting of whatever they choose. What I mean is, you don't want one to outdress the other. It is better if both are wearing formal dresses rather than one wearing a formal dress and one wearing a pant suit, for instance. I understand wanting things to match, but try to be open to their needs and their comfort levels, too.

mandi921vh · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-fmil-long-short-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:96cdcee3-2335-4896-a4aa-480bfcec605dPost:9ae217ae-28fe-4019-87cc-b414f0bbe718">Re: MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think that as long as your MOB and MIL are dressed in the same style, you should be accepting of whatever they choose. </strong>What I mean is, you don't want one to outdress the other. It is better if both are wearing formal dresses rather than one wearing a formal dress and one wearing a pant suit, for instance. I understand wanting things to match, but try to be open to their needs and their comfort levels, too.
Posted by FinleyF[/QUOTE]

<div>I disagree with this. You can tell one what the other is wearing but if one wants to wear a cocktail dress and one wants to wear a pant suit then let them wear whatever they feel comfortable in. </div>

aerinpegadrak · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-fmil-long-short-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:96cdcee3-2335-4896-a4aa-480bfcec605dPost:9ae217ae-28fe-4019-87cc-b414f0bbe718">Re: MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that as long as your MOB and MIL are dressed in the same style, you should be accepting of whatever they choose. What I mean is, you don't want one to outdress the other. <strong>It is better if both are wearing formal dresses rather than one wearing a formal dress and one wearing a pant suit, for instance.</strong> I understand wanting things to match, but try to be open to their needs and their comfort levels, too.
Posted by FinleyF[/QUOTE]
I've seen pantsuits at the Oscars, they're not inherently less formal. And if a guest, any guest, is under- or overdressed, that's really on them and doesn't reflect on the couple. Again, this isn't worth the brain space you're giving it.

LoveMuffins · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-fmil-long-short-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:96cdcee3-2335-4896-a4aa-480bfcec605dPost:cf465981-ec9e-4ad8-abf8-d8cca1cf592b">MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom has already ordered her dress for my July wedding. It is a floor length, berry colored, off the shoulder number that really looks good on her rounded bodytype. My FMIL knows that my mom has a floor length, but keeps pushing a short dress that she found (I have no idea what it looks like). At this point, I don't want to pull the Bridezilla card and say she has to get a long dress. <strong>But at the same time, this is my FMIL's first wedding and she keeps saying she "doesn't know what to do about weddings". So this makes me think that she just needs direction.</strong> But then again, if she already knows everything about my mom's dress, why is she pushing so hard for her direction and not ours? There are a few emotional complexities with the whole relationship that I have with her, and I don't know if that's clouding my judgement... Should I put my foot down and say it has to be long? Or let her have a short dress?
Posted by lbelle190[/QUOTE]

Everything that PPs said. Also, about the bolded part, she might be looking for your approval more than your direction. She probably doesn't want to upset you, and if it's clear that you'd prefer her in a long dress then she making be seeking 'permission' to wear the dress that she really wants.

Davesgrl2011 · April 2011

My mother and I went to pick out flowers. My mother asked me what color my FMIL was planning on wearing, I said I had no idea, so we picked out ivory flowers for the FMIL. I asked my fiance if he knew what she would be wearing and he asked her and she told him that she wasn't planning on buying a dress to wear to her sons wedding. So for all I know she is going to come in jeans and a t-shirt. I wish I had your problem lol! My FMIL is mad because we are having our wedding in NY (my family is all from upstate NY and his family is from Manhattan) and she lives in SC. Why would we have our wedding in SC when niether of us have ever been there?!? All she has done is complain about how much it will cost to come to our wedding (she told us the airfare is $5000 for her and her husband! lol, we are flying down this weekend for about $200 a person..... idk). Due to my fiance's lack of relationship with his mother, the fact that we are paying to fly his grandparents in, and that his entire family and many friends are flying in to be at our wedding, we feel less than inclined to pay for her. I think that it is a little old-school for the MOB and FMIL to have the same type of dress. I want my mother to feel comfortable and beautiful, and she is choosing to buy a dress that coordinates with my colors. It would be nice if my FMIL also wanted to buy a pretty dress/gown that coordinates with my colors (it would be nice for her to buy a dress, period) but if she comes looking like a bum (lol) it will be her feeling ridiculous, not me. Oh, and by the by, I have never met the woman. I will be meeting her this weekend, so wish me luck!

MOB and FMIL: the long and short of it

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