Doing away with most of the traditions...

Ashleigh828 · April 2012

My FI are getting married in October. We have decided to do away with a ton of the normal traditions that you see: We are having all of our pictures done prior to the ceremony so he will see me before walking down the aisle. We are not having a cake, will not be throwing the bouquets, no garder, and are also forgoing the speeches. My Dad does not want to do a F/D dance and my FI's mother passed away a couple of years ago so no M/S dance either.

Should I expect to hear comments from the guests about not doing all of these things? Or do you think it will go un-noticed??

TiffannieF · April 2012

Um some might say something but in the end I think they will be happy to not sit through a bunch of dances, tosses, and speeches. It shouldn't matter/affect them if you see each other before the ceremony and I'm sure if you had a dessert they won't care either. A lot of people are going to cupcakes or other desserts rather than the traditional cake.

You shouldn't worry too much what other's will say but I would use judgement on who you are sharing the information with before the wedding (example, don't tell traditional grandma about this, she might start voicing her opinions and hurt your feelings).

Otherwise I think this sounds lovely and as long as you are able to keep everybody entertained with some good food and music everybody will have a great time!

Ashleigh828 · April 2012

Thanks Tiffannie! I'm not much worried about what they'll say as I just wanted to see, I guess, what others are doing / thought about it (for general purpose). Instead of the cake, we'll be having a dessert/coffee bar put out later on in the night that guests can help themselves to. I, myself as a guest, hate sitting for so long and my FI and I wanted to get people fed, then up and out of their seats. We aren't sharing this with anyone (unfortunately, there aren't any grandparents) as FI's family has been opiniated enough about other things. I had the same thought as you though that as long as people were fed (great food!) and had good entertainment, they wouldn't notice if other things were missing.

aor9487 · April 2012

I agree with everything PP have mentioned. Bottomline: It's YOUR wedding. FI and I aren't doing the F/D and M/S dance, nor are we doing the garter and bouquet toss. We're also doing the First Look photos before the ceremony. We aren't having a long cocktail "hour" so doing the first look and group photos beforehand frees up some mingling time!

MrsMeganL2012 · April 2012

We're not having some of the traditions either. The only one I thought was a bit strange was not to have cake.....until you mentioned a coffee/dessert bar! Totally love that idea better than the cake!!

Lisa50 · April 2012

If you have rude friends and family, then yes, expect to hear comments. If your guests have been to more than a couple of weddings, it is doubtful you will hear a thing, other than, "We had a wonderful tmie. Best wishes to the happy couple!" BTW, we dispensed with quite a few traditions, including:

* we stayed together in the honeymoon suite the night before the wedding
* we had a teeny, tiny wedding party - each of us had a best man
* we walked in together and greeted our guests one by one
* no throwing of anything -- bouquet, garter (none worn), rice, etc.
* no guest book
* no white dress
* just vows ... no sand, unity candle, tree planting or other add-ons

Yup, we bucked tradition and still successfully tied the knot. Enjoy doing it your way!!

Ashleigh828 · April 2012

Thanks everyone! We are so excited for the day and can't wait to celebrate with everyone!

Meghan - the coffee / dessert bar was something suggested to us by our caterer because some people really like the coffee but I didn't want to keep the guests seated while the cake was cut and served.

Wishing you all the best with your big days!!

CassieCA · April 2012

We're not really doing really any of the traditions.. I've been married before, this is a small outdoor garden wedding, and to be honest, they kind of make all weddings feel the same to me and I just don't want that this time around (I did most traditions the first time). What are we/aren't we doing?

- Mid-day wedding on a Sunday, which admittedly is the worst for pictures but it's when we want to do it.
- Seeing each other and doing pictures before the ceremony
- At 41 and second wedding, it just feels weird to me for my parents to "give me away" (I say parents because I'm Jewish and it's traditional for both to walk you down the aisle which is what I did in my first wedding) so John and I are walking down the aisle together

- It's a secular ceremony and one of my best friends is performing it
- There are no bridesmaids or groomsmen, probably just a flowergirl because she's too cute for me to resist
- Reception is a lunch, we are having a jazz band, and GASP no dancing at all!
- No cake, just dessert table/coffee/tea. We may "cut" one of the chocolate desserts and feed each other, still deciding.
- There might be a couple of SHORT toasts, still deciding on that.
- We aren't having the traditional tables/seating for everyone. There will be a few round tables w chairs, some high boys to stand at, some lounge areas (couches, lounge chairs), some bistro tables, and a large lounge/bed type of thing in the gazebo. My least favorite thing about weddings is sitting at a table, so this way people can sit, stand, mingle, get food when they want, etc.
- Ceremony chairs will be in a semi-circle around us
- Probably no bouquet... although I'm reconsidering maybe a really small one but definitely no bouquet or garter toss.
- No programs or STDs
- I am wearing a white dress, and John may wear a tux even though a suit is probably more appropriate... he needs a tux for another event and it just seems silly to buy both.
- and yes, we're doing the honeymoon registry

I'm sure there are some other things I'm forgetting about, but it's all very us and I think our guests and us will love it. Can't wait!

Jessica

[Deleted User] · April 2012

I think your wedding should be about what you and your immediate family want. But....we guests are clueless and need instructions on everything....So, if you're not having a first dance, announce it, by inviting all to the dance floor. I remember a wedding with a live band and no one was going on the dance floor....we were waiting for the traditional dances.
Same goes for whatever type of dessert you serve. No one will take any until you do your first piece, so make an announcement to invite the guests to come and get it.

Guest don't want to step on toes or commit a social faux pas, so if you aren't doing the standard, you gotta let us know!

CassieCA · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_doing-away-with-most-of-the-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:1533be9e-ef5d-4ebc-b292-0c414d0b00e0Post:9fff0984-b531-4d52-a4d9-064df6989da2">Re: Doing away with most of the traditions...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your wedding should be about what you and your immediate family want. But....we guests are clueless and need instructions on everything....So, if you're not having a first dance, announce it, by inviting all to the dance floor. I remember a wedding with a live band and no one was going on the dance floor....we were waiting for the traditional dances. Same goes for whatever type of dessert you serve. No one will take any until you do your first piece, so make an announcement to invite the guests to come and get it. Guest don't want to step on toes or commit a social faux pas, so if you aren't doing the standard, you gotta let us know!
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this, I would absolutely never start dancing or eating dessert (or regular food!) until the bride and groom got it going... unless an announcement were made.

Doing away with most of the traditions...

Re: Doing away with most of the traditions...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards