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the same dress

missbrittany88missbrittany88 member
10 Comments
in Christian Weddings
Ok - so one of my bridesmaids just got engaged! I am SO thrilled for her - I am being 100% honest when I say I couldn't be happier for her. This is a LONG time overdue, I have been praying about this for a long time, and I am so glad the Lord has blessed her in this way!

She did get engaged just last week, and they have set their wedding date a month before ours. My concern that I need help with is this:

The style of wedding dress she wants is JUST like mine. I am very nervous she is going to buy my same dress. I don't want to come off as a bridezilla -  How can I tactfully make sure this does not happen? You can all understand - I want my groom to see my wedding dress for the first time on ME.

Suggestions?
We started dating on August 10, 2010 He proposed on November 5, 2010 We say, "I do," on August 12, 2011
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Re: the same dress

  • rachelearachelea
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ...you could show her the dress? My bridesmaids all know what my dress looks like. Then explain to her your feelings, I'm sure she wants to be just as unique in her dress as you do in yours.
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  • joyfulbride424joyfulbride424
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If she's your bridesmaid, just be like "Have you seen my dress yet, c'mere I wanna show you!!!!" all excited and stuff. If she buys the same dress as you after seeing yours first - then you have a whole other problem, lol. I doubt since she's a good friend she'll do that if she's actually seen your dress.

    You can also just say hey, I know we have the same taste.. can I show you my dress so we can avoid a twin-wedding mistake? wink wink.

    All my BMs have seen my dress, they are the only ones who have.
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  • BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMeBrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto what the other girls said - that's what I'd do.  I'm sure she'll completely understand if you talk to her.  :) 


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  • sessionsweddingsessionswedding member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Why would she plan her wedding a month before yours?  That's a tad bit inconsiderate if you set your date first.  And it's very odd since she just got engaged in March and wants a wedding in July...of the same year.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't see how it's inconsiderate of her to plan a wedding a month before OPs. They're two separate events.

    What is the style she described? To be fair, there really are only so many styles of wedding dresses, and the ones that are popular tend to look fairly similar. So if she said something like "I would love a mermaid dress with lots of beading and strapless!" and that's what yours looks like, well that describes a lot of wedding dresses.

    To me, that's very different from "Wow, I love your dress and I want one EXACTLY like it. Where did you get yours so I can get the same one?" KWIM? Plus, she hasn't even tried any dresses on yet (most likely), so she could change her mind still.

    Basically, I wouldn't worry about it too much yet but that really depends on what she said she's looking for.
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  • missbrittany88missbrittany88 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thank God-  you guys are so much sweeter than everyone on the other discussion boards. they were so much meaner to me - telling me to chill out, and it wasn't a big deal.

    it is a big deal. im not trying to be a bridezilla or ruin her experience - but everyone's wedding day is special to them, and everyone wants their groom to see their dress on THEM for the first time (regardless of what the girls on the other boards said - that guys are not observant, and he wont notice if my firend wore it too).

    i haven't shown her my dress in person - only online, once, briefly. the only people i took shopping with me were my mom, his mom and my sister. i didn't want everyone seeing it before the day of.

    i dont know - im just nervous - for the two ofthem, everything is moving so fast. she knows the dress style she wants - she's trying them on this wekeend - imnt going with her - so i can't say "heyyyy - that's my dress!" before she even tries it on - (because if someone said that to me - i wouldnt even try it on, to avoid falling in love with it)

    i know everyone says "your fiance wont notice" - but thats not the point.

    :(
    We started dating on August 10, 2010 He proposed on November 5, 2010 We say, "I do," on August 12, 2011
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  • joyfulbride424joyfulbride424
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_same-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:8a846871-0d9f-4a30-9f47-228599e66a61Post:c7a71cd4-6b5c-4846-82ef-25d094068eb0">Re: the same dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]i haven't shown her my dress in person - only online, once, briefly.
    Posted by missbrittany88[/QUOTE]

    99% of women will remember even if it's briefly - because I guarantee she's not gonna want the same dress as you either. At this point I'd just let it go - your a different girl and you're gonna look different in anything that you wear! Don't stress about it.
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I really wouldn't stress about it.  IF she ends up with the same dress as you (and I think it's a big if) it will look very different on her than on you, unless you guys are twins :-P  I really think you're worrying for nothing on this one.

    Oh, and H saw an ad for my dress and said it was ugly.  You know what?  He was right - it was ugly in that picture and on that model.  In fact, after seeing it in the ad I had no desire to try it on.  It looked like a completely different dress on me though, and H had no idea that the dress I was wearing was the same one he called ugly a couple months before.
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    Since there are so many dresses out there, it would be very surprising if she ended up picking the same dress as you.  If she happens to pick the same style of dress, I think I would have a hard time telling that it was or wasn't the same dress as yours.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think it is really worth worrying about and if she picks the same style of dress, but if you are really that concerned, just be honest with her about it.

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  • sessionsweddingsessionswedding member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Bren, idk, it just feels weird to me.  "Hey BFF!  I'm getting married!  And I'm gonna do it BEFORE you!"  I guess there are more things going into the picking of that date that I don't know about though, so I can't really judge.  I mean, if you're getting married 4 months after you got engaged, you've obviously got a good reason to put yourself through that kind of planning hell, lol.

    OP, I definitely understand your concern, but I have to agree with PPs.  It's unlikely that it will be the same dress.
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  • aggiebugaggiebug member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    go re read drama geeks post again.  She said everything I was thinking every thng I was thinking very well and gave a great example.

    SHE is also getting married and deserves to wear the dress of her dreams too.  If it really happens to be the same dress as yours you should be happy that it makes her feel special too.  Yes you can be bummed, yes you can be a little sad about it.  But just remember she is planning her wedding too and deserves all the specialness that you want on yours.

    Since you are going with her and she so happens to pick up your dress yes tell her so she knows.  but if she wants to try it on and ends up loving it as much you do there is nothing more to do but be happy for her! 
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  • AshNoel8AshNoel8
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Communication is key. And it's all about approaching the situation in a positive way. I would probably worry about it too, haha, but my BM's have seen my dress and so I know that wouldn't happen. 
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