Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice

geeguz · August 2012

Hi All!

First, I’M ENGAGED!!!! I’ve been on cloud nine ever since FI popped the question on Sunday It feels so amazing to be further connected to him and know that we are both moving toward spending the rest of our lives together. In fact I've been smiling so much that my face hurts! My ring is absolutely gorgeous and I never would have dreamed that something so beautiful would ever be on my hand.

Second, I’m looking for any and all advice that you girlfriends, brides, wives, etc. are willing to share. A quick rundown on my and FI romance/lives/etc. We are young; I’m 23, he’s 25. Started dating in HS and July 9^th marked 7 years together. I’ve worked as an AA since HS while attending college PT to ‘figure out what I want to be when I grow up.’ FI is an automotive technician and recently purchased a cheesesteak and hoagie restaurant two doors down from the Repair Shop. We bought a house together one year ago and have two dogs. WE ARE BUSY to say the least! Our time together is scarce, but it works I decided last year I wanted to enter the nursing field. Two more pre-reqs to get out of the way and I’ll be able to start a 18 month nursing curriculum in spring 2013.

We’ve learned over the past few days that there are a few key questions that people ask once you become engaged. We were prepare for the first one, which has been “How did he do it?” Followed by the one we weren’t ready for, “So do you have a date in mind?.” This tiny little question is overwhelming in itself as it’s such a precursor for everything on your wedding day! We didn’t discuss this at all. It never once crossed my mind as I was just enjoying the pure bliss of what was happening. Needless to say we live comfortably, but like most young working adult homeowners we don’t have a couple grand laying around to throw an awesome party following a ceremony.

With that being said, there is no date, no budget, and not a lot of other things. At the moment I’m just looking to see if there’s any advice on planning on a budget/DIY. I will start by getting familiarized with the TK site and everything on here (previously I only daydreamed and browsed dresses ). Clearly we’ll need to pick a date and establish a budget in order to plan many of the other details, but where else could we start? Are there things to nix that some feel aren’t all that important (the over 150+ checklist is a little daunting)? Where did you save money? Is it more cost efficient to hand make all the paper products (invites, thank you’s, etc.) or buy discounted kits? All the other topics out there…

Thank you in advanced lovely ladies of TK!!!

JBSMADA10 · August 2012

Biggest advice: set budget, find venue then you will have a date.

calliopeia2013 · August 2012

Start with a budget and a guest list (or at least an idea of whether you want a big or small wedding). Work from there. Remember that the little things don't matter that much and remember that at the end of the day you'll be married and be having a party with people you love.

The other big thing is to remember to be courteous to your guests. I don't mean you have to throw them a black tie event or whatever, but remember that it stops being "your day" the second you involve other people in it, and their comfort and happiness needs to be treated as just as important as yours.

Getting2Vowels · August 2012

In Response to Re:Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice:Start with a budget and a guest list or at least an idea of whether you want a big or small wedding.nbsp; Work from there.nbsp; Remember that the little things don't matter that much and remember that at the end of the day you'll be married and be having a party with people you love. Posted by calliopeia2013 This. We set a budget based on a preliminary guest list and what we can afford paying monthly. Meaning if your total reception cost is 10k and your first payment is 6 months out, we figured how much we need to save monthly until then, plus unforeseen payments. If you're paying by credit card Id suggest paying before your first payments do also..that way you have more time to pay it off. Hth! Just remember people will always offer their ideas, help and suggestions. Just stay true to what the both of you want and try to do things early.

lvbl77 · August 2012

Congratulations!

First, don't do anything. You didn't have a date in mind in the first place; don't feel pressured to get one just because people are asking for one. Enjoy this time. It's over too fast and it's too much fun!

Definitely the second thing you need to do is set a budget. This is going to sound psychotic, but even if it's parents, if anyone says they'll help and guarantee a certain amount, get it in writing. My mom booked our wedding date at our venue, which was way out of our budget, promising us a certain amount (making it possible), and then tried to back out of her share after my dad had already made the deposit and two payments (and we had spent a ton). So. In writing!

Work on your guest list. If you are paying for this all on your own, then when people start trying to add to your list, be prepared to tell them, "We will try to accomodate everyone we can, but we just may not be able to make this happen." If parents are involved...get used to doing what they want, or to fighting a lot.

Go on a bunch of dates with your fiance. Show off that ring girl!!

I have to say, I don't think the Knot is a very budget-friendly idea site. Try looking for dresses in the "$" category versus the "$$$$" category. It's depressing. Instead, my friend (who was one of my BMs) threw a budget-friendly, DIY wedding and took a lot of her inspiration from bloggers. DIY wedding blogs are incredible and addicting. Surprisingly, you don't have to be too talented to make something amazing "on the cheap." I have to say, though, some things are best left to pro's (I'll argue that this includes catering, photographer, and music every time).

The Wedding Channel is an amazing resource for finding venues and vendors. I suggest finding a venue/caterer before finding vedors. The venue will define your date, your dress, your invitations, etc., and venue/catering will take the biggest chunk of your budget, letting you know what you have left to spend. (The Knot's budget tool is pretty handy here)

Also, the average U.S. engagement is 16 months. No need to rush. So relax, enjoy, and best of luck!

P.S. When we moved in together, everyone kept asking, "When are you getting engaged?" When we got engaged, they asked, "When are you getting married?" Now we're married and the new question is, "When are you having kids?" I hear this is typical...so you might wanna get used to questions LOL, they'll never end!!

geeguz · August 2012

Thank you! In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newbie-looking-for-your-best-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6a2c082d-5b10-403d-8e37-89ed9f168297Post:3e2f8396-6c58-438c-b66a-253c511bfd88">Re:Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Biggest advice: set budget, find venue then you will have a date.
Posted by JBSMADA10[/QUOTE]

geeguz · August 2012

Thanks for the advice! This day will be important just as the guests are in our lives. Keeping their comfort in mind will likely determine what time of year and venue we should start looking into.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newbie-looking-for-your-best-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6a2c082d-5b10-403d-8e37-89ed9f168297Post:cb38d82b-f6bd-46b7-b0fb-db6c94199a76">Re: Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Start with a budget and a guest list (or at least an idea of whether you want a big or small wedding). Work from there. Remember that the little things don't matter that much and remember that at the end of the day you'll be married and be having a party with people you love. The other big thing is to remember to be courteous to your guests. I don't mean you have to throw them a black tie event or whatever, but remember that it stops being "your day" the second you involve other people in it, and their comfort and happiness needs to be treated as just as important as yours.
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

geeguz · August 2012

Your right! I hope not to loose sight of the fact that we are going to be planning our wedding and reception that unites our families together. I would imagine that the planning is the best way to avoid this happening. We are ealistic so I hope that once we have the chance to actually discuss some of these items that we're on the same page. I wanted to be armed with alumni advice so steer us in the right direction <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newbie-looking-for-your-best-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6a2c082d-5b10-403d-8e37-89ed9f168297Post:35643c65-43ac-412d-9667-753380921351">Re:Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice:Start with a budget and a guest list or at least an idea of whether you want a big or small wedding.nbsp; Work from there.nbsp; Remember that the little things don't matter that much and remember that at the end of the day you'll be married and be having a party with people you love. Posted by calliopeia2013 This. We set a budget based on a preliminary guest list and what we can afford paying monthly. Meaning if your total reception cost is 10k and your first payment is 6 months out, we figured how much we need to save monthly until then, plus unforeseen payments. If you're paying by credit card Id suggest paying before your first payments do also..that way you have more time to pay it off. Hth! Just remember people will always offer their ideas, help and suggestions. Just stay true to what the both of you want and try to do things early.
Posted by Getting2Vowels[/QUOTE]

geeguz · August 2012

<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:'Calibri','sans-serif';">Thank you, we are very excited! I don’t mind the questions are all actually, it’s just that we didn’t discuss with each other and I wasn’t expecting it. We’ve been asked over the past few years ‘When are you getting married,’ and even more since we purchased a house last year! We will certainly take that time to enjoy this and figure out what exactly we are capable of doing. I appreciate the other suggestions, I was kind of surprised to see the dress results for the “$” criteria. Will definitely look at the other sites. I do believe that our wedding will be a DIY event since I love to do all things crafty and hoping that will tame our budget. Hopefully we have similar ideas in mind. </span>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newbie-looking-for-your-best-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6a2c082d-5b10-403d-8e37-89ed9f168297Post:7371c7b2-d2db-4d0c-9e83-f1d873fc9e0b">Re: Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations! First, don't do anything. You didn't have a date in mind in the first place; don't feel pressured to get one just because people are asking for one. Enjoy this time. It's over too fast and it's too much fun! Definitely the second thing you need to do is set a budget. This is going to sound psychotic, but even if it's parents, if anyone says they'll help and guarantee a certain amount, get it in writing. My mom booked our wedding date at our venue, which was way out of our budget, promising us a certain amount (making it possible), and then tried to back out of her share after my dad had already made the deposit and two payments (and we had spent a ton). So. In writing! Work on your guest list. If you are paying for this all on your own, then when people start trying to add to your list, be prepared to tell them, "We will try to accomodate everyone we can, but we just may not be able to make this happen." If parents are involved...get used to doing what they want, or to fighting a lot. Go on a bunch of dates with your fiance. Show off that ring girl!! I have to say, I don't think the Knot is a very budget-friendly idea site. Try looking for dresses in the "$" category versus the "$$$$" category. It's depressing. Instead, my friend (who was one of my BMs) threw a budget-friendly, DIY wedding and took a lot of her inspiration from bloggers. DIY wedding blogs are incredible and addicting. Surprisingly, you don't have to be too talented to make something amazing "on the cheap." I have to say, though, some things are best left to pro's (I'll argue that this includes catering, photographer, and music every time). The Wedding Channel is an amazing resource for finding venues and vendors. I suggest finding a venue/caterer before finding vedors. The venue will define your date, your dress, your invitations, etc., and venue/catering will take the biggest chunk of your budget, letting you know what you have left to spend. (The Knot's budget tool is pretty handy here) Also, the average U.S. engagement is 16 months. No need to rush. So relax, enjoy, and best of luck! P.S. When we moved in together, everyone kept asking, "When are you getting engaged?" When we got engaged, they asked, "When are you getting married?" Now we're married and the new question is, "When are you having kids?" I hear this is typical...so you might wanna get used to questions LOL, they'll never end!!
Posted by lvbl77[/QUOTE]

geeguz · August 2012

I am excited to have the chance to really discuss everythign with him! We briefly nited that it's something we'll think about, but have had the opportunity yet. I hope we are on the same page with things, but in the end I am sure we will both be happy. Family is very important to us and they we will want everyone to be comfortable, but I believe we'll be true to ourselves (once we figure that out). Our budget will ultimately determine the scale of everything. Thank you!!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newbie-looking-for-your-best-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6a2c082d-5b10-403d-8e37-89ed9f168297Post:c423f267-6d1d-4d6e-9ef6-84ff7d501d42">Re: Newbie Looking for Your Best Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Agreed with PPs. Also, before you do anything, I would recommend taking your time to really figure out with your FI the type of event you're looking for. Our gut impulse the day we got engaged was to do a small elopement with just immediate family and close friends. When we took that idea out to the family, they started adding in other elements and people. They were paying for some of them, so we let things grow beyond our initial vision. We're still having a very small wedding, all things considered, but as we get closer, we've had a few moments of questioning why we didn't stick to our initial plan. So, figure out at least a rough sketch of what you want, and then stick to it unless YOU change your mind.
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

geeguz · August 2012

Ladies, Just wanted to say thank you all again for your words of wisdom. We are very excited to be engaged and to start discussing our wedding. Hoping to enojy the planning process very much!!!

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