Questions about the term its YOUR day.

Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day.

• juliebug1997 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I think what others mean by "your pretty princess day" is that expecting the money to just fall into your lap to pay for everything you could possibly want (goldfish centerpieces, 1000 person reception, etc).  They are more talking about having a wedding within your means.  Also, I have read posts on here where girls have said they won't feel married unless they have the whole enchilada when they can't even afford 1/3 of the enchilada.  If you want to get married, but can't afford all the trappings of a wedding, then either save up or go to the JP.  Either way you're married, and, if the end result is just being married, then that should suffice for all of us really.  I don't think TK would be too happy or even be in business if many felt like this. 
  
  It is your day, however it's also your parents' day, your FI's day, and his parents' day.  It's lots of people's day.  Who gets precedent over the others?  My wedding was for my family because I am the only girl on my side of the family and it was a great excuse to have a great Juliebug Family reunion of sorts.  Pick your own dress?  Yes, it's your day.  Pick your colors?  Yes, it's your day.  But, in an effort to try to get into my FILs good graces, we had our RD at a quiet, boring place when I would have rather had it at a Mexican restaurant (my FIL doesn't like spicy food and my MIL doesn't like loud places).  Well, it was my day but I chose to be respectful to them and make them feel welcome at the RD.  I think there is a fine line between the two and we all chose how far (if at all) we're willing to cross the line over into the "It's-my-day-I-don't-care-what-you-want" with your arms crossed and your nose in the air. 

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• professorscience member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't know that people believe the day should be about the wishes of extraneous guests (bridal party, per your example).  I think it's more that it's not just the joining of two people, it is the joining of two families.  At least, that's the way I've looked at it.  The day is not just about me.  It is about celebrating my new family, which includes FI, FILs, and all the people who have come to support our union.

  
  

  And really, the ceremony is about the bride and groom, as far as I'm concerned; the reception is to thank all those people who made the trip.

  
  

  Things don't always go perfectly, but you are absolutely correct that the whole point is that you marry your husband/wife at the end of the day.

  
  

  As far as the immaturity thing, I've never thought a girl immature for dreaming of her wedding all her life.  I find girls immature who throw temper tantrums over meaningless things that won't have any real effect on her "pretty princess day."

  

  
  

  
  

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• sbrown1809

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Thanks that makes more sense. I agree with the both of you

  

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• TexanTreasure08 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_questions-term-its-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:41656c54-5e4f-4385-aa8b-0865cb590143Post:522a3c96-411d-49d8-b2da-4c09eaefa320">Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day.</a>:
  [QUOTE]I don't know that people believe the day should be about the wishes of extraneous guests (bridal party, per your example).  I think it's more that it's not just the joining of two people, it is the joining of two families.  At least, that's the way I've looked at it.  The day is not just about me.  It is about celebrating my new family, which includes FI, FILs, and all the people who have come to support our union. And really, the ceremony is about the bride and groom, as far as I'm concerned; the reception is to thank all those people who made the trip. Things don't always go perfectly, but you are absolutely correct that the whole point is that you marry your husband/wife at the end of the day. As far as the immaturity thing, I've never thought a girl immature for dreaming of her wedding all her life.  I find girls immature who throw temper tantrums over meaningless things that won't have any real effect on her "pretty princess day."
  Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]
  
  This. Every single word.

  
  

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• MarieSD

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with everything you said here.
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_questions-term-its-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:41656c54-5e4f-4385-aa8b-0865cb590143Post:532c58f9-4557-4ba5-8eec-997fdc6b860a">Questions about the term its YOUR day.</a>:
  [QUOTE]And if you have bridesmaids, it should be about them when you do planning not you. It's what they want not you.
  Posted by sbrown1809[/QUOTE]
  
  This may be one issue you've heard ... on the boards it's frequently said that it <em>is</em> polite to let them have a say in the dress they wear -- like, to not purposely put them in a dress they hate that looks hideous on them.
  
  I did read your recent post on Wedding Party that got a lot of negative comments. Part of me understands your feeling -- I would not be that interested in hearing a pregnant woman talk about being pregnant and babies constantly, because I'm not in that place in my life right now, and it's just not interesting to me.
  
  But -- here is my experience -- my 4 bridesmaids lived all across the country. 3 of them were not in relationships. 1 had been married a decade ago. None of them were interested in weddings or hearing the details. I didn't get thrown a shower or a bachelorette party. They did not help with anything wedding related -- no invite-assembly nights or favor-making days. When we talked on the phone, I didn't talk about the wedding plans.
  
  So, in short, I think you also have to have the right expectation about everything that leads up to your day. The planning consumes a lot of your time and energy, but not all of your family, friends, and BMs will be interested in it. That's why I spend time on this board -- nobody else I knew was interested in weddings, but here I can read about/talk about them all I want!

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• sbrown1809

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_questions-term-its-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:41656c54-5e4f-4385-aa8b-0865cb590143Post:d5844d4a-7fcc-4678-bec7-b1b75d58f252">Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day.</a>:
  [QUOTE] I did read your recent post on Wedding Party that got a lot of negative comments. Part of me understands your feeling -- I would not be that interested in hearing a pregnant woman talk about being pregnant and babies constantly, because I'm not in that place in my life right now, and it's just not interesting to me. 
  Posted by MarieSD[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>All I was trying to ask was how to ask her in a nice way to not talk so much about baby stuff. I mean when I talk about wedding stuff of course I talk my FI ear off about it but not my friends. I only talk about it if they ask about my plans and I give them the short version bc in reality sometimes I get overwhelmed with dealing with planning and a planner that I just don't want to talk about it anymore. But any ways I do try make it about all of us...I told them that I would pick like 5 styles of dresses and they can choose which one they like and if the wanna add gloves a sash idc as long as they make it them. I looked it it this way ususally when I see bridesmaid they all look the same, but everyone has their own style and personality. So I asked my bridesmaid to accessorize with what ever they wanted as long as its them and they can pick their own shoes. But I am not expecting them to help me put together things or help me plan. All I ask of them is that when we all get togetther that they all be involved and show up unless of course they have something bigger to do.</div><div>
  </div><div>But all in all I understand what you are saying and I appreciate how you put it...I think I will stick to the local boards and the getting in shape boards. Much nicer understanding people on her. Who don't take your words out of context.</div>

  

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• bsn1752 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_questions-term-its-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:41656c54-5e4f-4385-aa8b-0865cb590143Post:fb89330c-4cf8-427f-b092-0c2c0c018b6d">Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day.</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day. : All I was trying to ask was how to ask her in a nice way to not talk so much about baby stuff. I mean when I talk about wedding stuff of course I talk my FI ear off about it but not my friends. I only talk about it if they ask about my plans and I give them the short version bc in reality sometimes I get overwhelmed with dealing with planning and a planner that I just don't want to talk about it anymore. But any ways I do try make it about all of us...I told them that I would pick like 5 styles of dresses and they can choose which one they like and if the wanna add gloves a sash idc as long as they make it them. I looked it it this way ususally when I see bridesmaid they all look the same, but everyone has their own style and personality. So I asked my bridesmaid to accessorize with what ever they wanted as long as its them and they can pick their own shoes. But I am not expecting them to help me put together things or help me plan. All I ask of them is that when we all get togetther that they all be involved and show up unless of course they have something bigger to do. But all in all I understand what you are saying and I appreciate how you put it...I think I will stick to the local boards and the getting in shape boards. Much nicer understanding people on her. Who don't take your words out of context.
  Posted by sbrown1809[/QUOTE]
  
  You asked a BM to not talk about baby stuff?  Or talk less about it?  IMHO, that's not being a very good friend.  No matter how much a subject may annoy me... if my friend wants to discuss it, I listen.  I think it's the right thing to do.
  
  In truth, the only responsibilities a BM has is to purchase her dress and show up on time to your rehearsal dinner and wedding.  The rest are perks.
  
  <a href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/646-inside-weddings-the-wedding-party">http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/646-inside-weddings-the-wedding-party</a>
  
  I think that's where the "pretty princess day" thing lies too.  You can't force them to be involved in your discussions and planning meetings - it's not their responsibility.  Of course, some will - but you can't discount the ones that won't or can't.
  
  I had to remind myself of this at times during my planning when I would get upset about things:  Your wedding is <u>most important</u> to you and your FI - not everyone else.

  
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• sbrown1809

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  "You asked a BM to not talk about baby stuff?  Or talk less about it?  IMHO, that's not being a very good friend.  No matter how much a subject may annoy me... if my friend wants to discuss it, I listen.  I think it's the right thing to do."

  
  

  I asked her to talk less about it. When you hear about it every single day it gets overwhelming thats all. And yes I know this is the next big step for her and I listen but sometimes it gets hard to listen about the same thing everyday. I don't mind her talking about it and being excited I am happy for her and she even asked me to do baby stuff with her and I said sure, but that was before I knew it was going to be an every day thing. And I am not the only one who thinks it the other bridesmaids is overwhelmed to...they just happen to vote me to be the one to ask her to tone it down just a teensy bit. Not completly stop talking about it you know. And when I say I ask them to come to the get togethers I don't mean to talk about wedding stuff. The brmaids I picked are like my sisters...my second family I like us to do stuff together bc 1 not all of them know eachother and 2 i want it to be kind of like a bonding experience. And again I dont talk about the wedding 24-7 I just think the girls on the knot think so bc well we get on here and talk about the wedding. But off the internet I go to school come home and if my friends call we talk about class and of course school and how each other are doing.  Thats it. If you asked any of my brmaid they would tell you I dont talk about it unless asked.

  

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• bsn1752 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Well, to offer perspective - if someone told you that something you were excited about had become annoying, you would probably be upset and hurt.  I don't think that it's ever okay to ask someone to tone down their excitement... especially a friend.  I wouldn't even tell my own (real) sister to do that.  That's where the attitude from the other board comes from... you can't dictate someone's excitement and you can't ask them to not talk about their own life.

  
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• sbrown1809

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Well they could have put it in better ways like you did. since you did say the whole how would you feel, I understand more. But they didnt try to help just judge me which in my opinion is not right. And to say your going to ban someone for that post isn't right either. But I understand what your saying and I see how it is being a bad friend and how it can hurt her feelings. Thanks

  

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• bsn1752 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_questions-term-its-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:41656c54-5e4f-4385-aa8b-0865cb590143Post:6cc6d213-bb8f-4303-9467-901fa1395081">Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day.</a>:
  [QUOTE]Well they could have put it in better ways like you did. since you did say the whole how would you feel, I understand more. But they didnt try to help just judge me which in my opinion is not right. <strong>And to say your going to ban someone for that post isn't right either</strong>. But I understand what your saying and I see how it is being a bad friend and how it can hurt her feelings. Thanks
  Posted by sbrown1809[/QUOTE]
  
  You called them all hags... technically a mod can ban you for name-calling like that.

  
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• courtski2004 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  What if your pregnant BM were to ask you to not talk so much about your wedding? Would that hurt your feelings?
  
  The weekend after J and I got engaged, I was on such an adrenaline high that I couldn't wait to start planning an looking at colors, venues, the whole enchilada. I started a g-chat conversation with my sister (my MOH) and she said, "You've got over a year to do this, you need to relax." It hurt! I was so excited that it was all I could think and talk about, I just chose to not overshare with her until she started asking ME about things directly because I couldn't get her comment out of my mind.
  Your friend is pregnant. What a beautiful time for her, just as this as a beautiful time for you!! I have a friend who can't naturally conceive, and has gone through 4 tumultuous years of trying to have a baby to no avail. I can't imagine ever asking her to tone down the baby talk when she eventually finds out that she is pregnant as much as I might think it is a bit much. I guess the bright side for you is that she'll only be pregnant for 9 months. But then she'll (gasp) talk about her child 24-7. Lord help us.
   
  As far as people's responses to you on other boards, I read your post on 'Wedding Party'. You came across as very self-centered, which you may have not intended. This is what prompted people to react and respond to you in the manner that they did, and it was reminiscent of girls that come on TK spouting about how it is THEIR DAY and that what anyone else thinks doesn't matter because it isn't for them.

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• angelsong21 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_questions-term-its-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:41656c54-5e4f-4385-aa8b-0865cb590143Post:d5256691-c4d9-4cbf-afb4-b92791aefa51">Re: Questions about the term its YOUR day.</a>:
  [QUOTE]As far as people's responses to you on other boards, I read your post on 'Wedding Party'. You came across as very self-centered, which you may have not intended. This is what prompted people to react and respond to you in the manner that they did, and it was reminiscent of girls that come on TK spouting about how it is THEIR DAY and that what anyone else thinks doesn't matter because it isn't for them.
  Posted by courtski2004[/QUOTE]
  
  This.   Reading your posts on that thread really caught me off guard.  As courtski said, I don't know if you intended to come off that way, but it did seem excruciatingly self-centered. I can understand your "annoyance" to a degree, but your friend is having a baby -- that's SO exciting!  I could never tell my friend to tone it down when they are really excited about something that momentous and life-changing and wonderful.  As PP said, what if the situation was reversed and one of your BM asked you to stop talking about your wedding so much?  You would probably be crushed. Also, DD leaves a bad tastes in peoples' mouths, not to mention calling them hags (if that's in fact true -- I did not read the whole thread). 
  
  ETA:  I did go back and read the whole thread last night and Brianna is absolutely right.  You CAN be banned for calling them all hags and "prissy b!tches."  

  

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• sbrown1809

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Okay guys I get, Like i said its water under the bridge now. I dont really care about the wedding party post. No i didnt mean to come off like that. Now I know to reread before I post. I really think everyone just have mixed feeling on the post, I had people PM bc they get what I was saying. What's done is done and I am over it and I moved on. 

  

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