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Not Engaged Yet
Anyone going through the same thing or something similar??
Hi everyone!
This is my first post on TK and I just want to see if there's anyone out there like me. My BF and I have only been dating for 8 months or so but have lived together the entire time and I'm 5 months pregnant with our first child. Recently, he left to go overseas for a little while to provide our little family with a better life, however, I have a million things I want to do before he comes home. We've discussed marriage and know that we both want to spend the rest of our lives together but he doesn't want to feel pressured to "tie the knot". I completely understand that seeing as we've both been married before and know what a difficult marriage can be like. He's everything that I could ever want and I can't wait to share his last name. Here's my issue with not waiting to get married. We live in a semi small town...people here look down on those who have children out of wedlock. I know I shouldn't care what others think but it's very hard not to especially now that I'm showing. Atleast a ring on my finger wouldn't look as bad as calling him my boyfriend or baby daddy lol. My plan is to have the nursery, baby's stuff, bills, cars, house, wedding plan, all taken care of by the time he gets back...what do you guys think?
Sorry for the ridiculously long post! :-)
This is my first post on TK and I just want to see if there's anyone out there like me. My BF and I have only been dating for 8 months or so but have lived together the entire time and I'm 5 months pregnant with our first child. Recently, he left to go overseas for a little while to provide our little family with a better life, however, I have a million things I want to do before he comes home. We've discussed marriage and know that we both want to spend the rest of our lives together but he doesn't want to feel pressured to "tie the knot". I completely understand that seeing as we've both been married before and know what a difficult marriage can be like. He's everything that I could ever want and I can't wait to share his last name. Here's my issue with not waiting to get married. We live in a semi small town...people here look down on those who have children out of wedlock. I know I shouldn't care what others think but it's very hard not to especially now that I'm showing. Atleast a ring on my finger wouldn't look as bad as calling him my boyfriend or baby daddy lol. My plan is to have the nursery, baby's stuff, bills, cars, house, wedding plan, all taken care of by the time he gets back...what do you guys think?
Sorry for the ridiculously long post! :-)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone going through the same thing or something similar??
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! This is my first post on TK and I just want to see if there's anyone out there like me. My BF and I have only been dating for 8 months or so but have lived together the entire time and I'm 5 months pregnant with our first child. Recently, he left to go overseas for a little while to provide our little family with a better life, however, I have a million things I want to do before he comes home. We've discussed marriage and know that we both want to spend the rest of our lives together but he doesn't want to feel pressured to "tie the knot". I completely understand that seeing as we've both been married before and know what a difficult marriage can be like. He's everything that I could ever want and I can't wait to share his last name. Here's my issue with not waiting to get married. We live in a semi small town...people here look down on those who have children out of wedlock. I know I shouldn't care what others think but it's very hard not to especially now that I'm showing. Atleast a ring on my finger wouldn't look as bad as calling him my boyfriend or baby daddy lol. <strong>My plan is to have the nursery, baby's stuff, bills, cars, house, wedding plan, all taken care of by the time he gets back</strong>...what do you guys think? Sorry for the ridiculously long post! :-)
Posted by afaircloth925[/QUOTE]
Have you two talked marriage before he left? I don't think I would plan a wedding if the two of you didn't have the same views on marriage at this particular place in your relationship.
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! This is my first post on TK and I just want to see if there's anyone out there like me. My BF and I have only been dating for 8 months or so but have lived together the entire time and I'm 5 months pregnant with our first child. Recently, he left to go overseas for a little while to provide our little family with a better life, however, I have a million things I want to do before he comes home. We've discussed marriage and know that we both want to spend the rest of our lives together but <strong>he doesn't want to feel pressured to "tie the knot".</strong> I completely understand that seeing as we've both been married before and know what a difficult marriage can be like. He's everything that I could ever want and I can't wait to share his last name. Here's my issue with not waiting to get married. We live in a semi small town...people here look down on those who have children out of wedlock. I know I shouldn't care what others think but it's very hard not to especially now that I'm showing. Atleast a ring on my finger wouldn't look as bad as calling him my boyfriend or baby daddy lol. <strong>My plan is to have</strong> <strong>the</strong> nursery, baby's stuff, bills, cars, house, <strong>wedding plan</strong>, <strong>all taken care of by the time he gets back</strong>...what do you guys think? Sorry for the ridiculously long post! :-)
Posted by afaircloth925[/QUOTE]
This is you pressuring him to "tie the knot". Please just stop it right now. You obviously don't understand (as you claim to) or you wouldn't be doing this. I understand not wanting to be a mother out of wedlock (as I am-with a 10 yr old, now), but it is NOT a reason to get married. Said it to another girl last week, and I'll say it again. DO NOT get married just because you are pregnant. It is not a good enough reason. If you push this on him when he is not ready, he will grow to resent both you and your child. So please, in the name of all that is holy, please stop. Appreciate that he is doing what it takes to provide for you, and enjoy your family. Focus on preparing for your little one's arrival. Leave the wedding planning for when you are actually engaged. If you're not sure of when that is, it is after you and your bf have MUTUALLY agreed to get married.
"His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa
On the real topic, whether you should plan a wedding without his permission? Absolutely not. Unless you think that your small town is going to look down less on a single mother.
You're five months pregnant. Take care of yourself and your baby.
[QUOTE] Screen Name: I don't remember exactly afaircloth925 I think Age: 24 Significant Other's Age: 29 What You Do: Assistant manager for a Dental office What SO Does: Overseas contractor State of Relationship: Dating/ living together How Long You've Been Together: 8 months How You Met: I stalked him :-)...I knew about him through a mutual friend, saw him at a bar one night, introduced myself, then one thing led to another :-) Wedding Date (if you're engaged/married): not yet :-( Real Babies: 20 weeks pregnant with both of our firsts Fur Babies: Deuce, our boxer and Jack, our Jack Russell Loves: feeling accomplished and independent Hates: negativity and cockiness Pet Peeves: people who think people owe them something or people who think they're better than others Hobbies/Activities: listening to music, movies, reading Favorite Thing About Your SO: I have alot! His smile, his eyes, his drive, the way he loves me. Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: he smokes but is gonna quit by the time the baby comes Describe Your Personality: tenderhearted at times but mainly a jokester Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): I'm not real sure what that means I've Been On TK Since: Like 3 weeks ago How You Came to Be On TK: Checking out baby websites...ran along the bump How I like my potatoes: Any way except raw Favorite book/author: Nicholas Sparks Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I've never been on a plane
Posted by afaircloth925[/QUOTE]
Ditto what PPs have said. Also, you're 24 and have known this guy for less than a year. Please don't rush into marriage and DEFINITELY do not plan a wedding that you're both not in agreement with.
I agree with the PP's. Don't worry about wedding plans. Worry about paying the bills and taking care of your unborn child. They are more important than trying to plan a wedding when you're not even engaged. Take it one step at a time.