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Asking BMs....

daynie85daynie85 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Okay so I just wanted to know people's opinions about this without me sounding like a total b*tch!
I don't have any sisters or female cousins that I would ask to be in my wedding party, but my fiance has 2 sisters... an older one (which doesn't like me much and I wouldn't ask her anyways) and a younger one (younger than me by a couple years) that I used to talk to but in the last couple years I've barely talked to her at all and seen her only a few times... so should I feel obligated at all to have at least one of the sisters in my wedding party or is it okay if I didn't have either of them and maybe gave the younger one something else to do? I would totally have no problem if we talked and were somewhat close but I'd kind of rather have people beside me that I really care about and are really close with... (though my fiance might have my brother stand on his side so I'm not sure if that makes a difference at all)...

And the second situation I need advice on is... okay there are 2 friends that I couldn't imagine not standing beside me, and another that I will probably ask. And there's the last girl, that for lack of a better word, doesn't really have all her priorities straight... like the way she's going right now, she might not even have a job by the time my wedding comes around. The other thing is, she's had issuses in the past with 2 of the other girls that I'm going to ask (and those girls didn't do anything at all) so I don't want to have to worry about her not getting along or causing a scene or something during the planning process and on my wedding day. But the thing is we've been friends for quite a while now and she already asked if she can help with some of the planning, and I live 3 hours away right now so sometimes when I come back home it doesn't always work out that we can meet up (and besides booking the major things, I haven't done too much yet), so I think if I didn't ask her she'd be kind of pissed at me, but I don't want to feel guilty for not picking her, so I'm not sure exactly what I should do...
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Re: Asking BMs....

  • daynie85daynie85 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yeah the "something else" I was referring to was like a reading or whatever.

    And anyone I ask to be a BM I wouldn't be asking based on whether they could help me out with anything or not...I mentioned in the first post that the one girl I was thinking of asking had already asked me if she could be included in the planning process...not that I thought she wasn't able to help
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  • snorwo3snorwo3 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well I agree with everything retread said.

    First of all, too early to ask. Friendships change. You just said yourself that your relationship with your FI's sister has changed within the last couple years. For all you know, the two of you might become close again over the next year since you're planning a wedding to her brother. 

    One of my good friends and I had drifted apart almost completely, but then she got engaged and (since I love weddings) we ended up talking more and more about her wedding, which caused us to get close again. As time moved on, we ended up so close that I threw her bachelorette party for her since her MOH (who was also her only bridesmaid) was too busy :)

    Secondly, you are not obligated to ask family members. A bridesmaid is this: a close friend that means enough to you to be there next to you on your wedding day. Asking family members is certainly not a bad thing, but you are not obligated to do so if you do not want to.

    As far as for your three friends, like we said, wait it out. Things might be completely different when it comes time to ask them. When the time comes, if you and friend #3 are still close, there is no reason you should decide not to ask her just because she doesn't get along with your other two bridesmaids. They are all big girls and can behave around one another. If she is a close friend of yours, it would be sh!tty to leave her out because of others. If YOU don't want her as a bridesmaid, you don't have to. When the time comes, you don't owe anyone you don't choose an explanation. 
    If you do want to ask her and her financial situation is what's holding you back, see what can be done to accomodate her. I have a friend that can't keep a job to save her life, but she manages to find money for things when she needs to. If your friend truly can't afford it and there's nothing you can do to help, she has the option to decline :)

    Again, wait a while!
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  • daynie85daynie85 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    THanks for the advcie... I think I will wait a little longer. 

    From today the wedding will be in 11 months... so at what month on the countdown is good to ask all the girls so all the dresses and stuff will be done on time?
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