Don't love the ring?

PrincssGS · November 2009

Hi everyone! My fi and I got engaged almost a month ago, and while I like my ring, I don't LOVE it. Another problem that I'm having is that as part of my job, I do health screenings which requires me to wear gloves since I'm dealing with blood. The center stone is a marquis cut, which I've never been a fan of, and it's been tearing my gloves which is obviously a problem. How can I bring this up to him? Should I just tell him that it's causing me problems at work and we should look into getting a new setting, instead of telling him that I don't actually like the stone? I'd really love a cushion cut, though some work would need to be done to the ring to modify it for that type of setting. Budget is an issue, so I'm wondering if it'd be possible to just exchange the marquis for a cushion and remove some of the diamonds that are currently under the marquis. If you look at the picture, there are also 3 small diamonds under the marquis, so am wondering if modifying the ring would really cost much if anything.

redheadfsu · November 2009

Tough. Did you guys discuss the ring b/f he bought? Could this have been choice based on budget instead of taste?

Do you know the store he bought the diamond & setting at? Some stores don't exchange the diamond or setting, but some do. Unless the store has a return or exchange policy you might be stuck, especially if budget is an issue.

Edit: Pricescope.com might be able to help you. There are lots of jewelers on those boards.

PrincssGS · November 2009

I had no idea he was going to propose and we had never discussed rings before. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he said he had been saving money for 2 years and spent a year and a half looking around for the right ring. He got it at Zales...he said he has a bunch of paperwork for me so it might help if I went through that and see if it says anything about exchanging the setting/diamond

redheadfsu · November 2009

From Zales.com :
Return Policy
Zales offers a convenient return policy. If for any reason you are dissatisfied with your purchase you can return any merchandise within 30 days for a refund or within 90 days for an exchange.

if you can return it please do. I hope I don't offend, but Zales is not the most cost effecitve place for a E Ring.

PrincssGS · November 2009

I think we might have a problem then...he said he bought the ring a few months ago and was waiting for his birthday to propose. He got the lifetime warranty but ovbiously that's not going to cover whether or not I like it! I guess we'll just have to go there and ask!

redheadfsu · November 2009

Sorry. Definitely talk to Zales just in case. Plus the ring might grow on you. Hopefully. The only thing I can recommend is go to Pricescope.com & see if any professional jewelers can give you better advice. GL

pag41989 · November 2009

At first I was not crazy about my ring either. It sticks out quite a bit and at the time of the engagement I was a file clerk and dealt with tons of files and the ring would always get caught on the files. I had always pictured myself with a solitaire but FI hates solitaire rings. I decided though that this ring has way too much meaning behind it to just change it. Now when I look at it I love my ring and I think back to that special day when he proposed to me. p.s. my ring came from Zales also.

FutureMrsKnapp2010 · November 2009

This is a tricky situation, but one that you should probably try and talk to your FI about even though it will be really hard. You are the one after all that has to wear it for the rest of your life. Just maybe make sure if you talk to him about it you remind him how much you love him and that you are really excited about being engaged, but that the ring is not exactly your style nor does it fit in with your job. Let him know that the ring cuts your gloves, he might not think that is a reason to redesign your ring, but its a valid point. Besides your FI is supposed to be someone you can confide in and talk to about anything, I am sure he will understand afterall you have to wear it. He is so sweet though for trying to do it on your own! You have to give him props for that! Good luck and keep us updated on how it goes!

Anon I. Mouse · November 2009

Hmm....well, I can understand him wanting to have made it a surprise (though I do hope you talked at least a lot about marriage before the proposal, even if not about rings) however it seems that the ring he did choose just does not fit your lifestyle or personal tastes.

I think you have a few choices, and both which involve being honest with your FI about it while also being compassionate that he obviously took a lot of time to look for the right ring (he thought) for you. One is to talk about trading it in or having it reset now. The other is to have this ring for now, and perhaps down the road get a new ring (i.e. on a future anniversary). Another is to say it would not have been your choice, however you do like it as he chose it (if you really do) and that you will wear it, at least during your engagement, when you can (aka not at work).

A lot to me depends on whether you are someone who intends to wear their engagement ring or not a lot after they are married. Some people don't. Or, some only wear it for special occassions after they are married. I for example did not want an engagement ring as I don't wear a lot of jewellery to begin with, so did not want something that would interfere with lifestyle (i.e. catching on things) nor did I feel right having a lot of money spent on something that would not be worn everyday! So, instead FI and I, after we were engaged, went and chose some beautiful wedding bands which are both a little untypical for wedding bands and fit more my personality and lifestyle (as well as his, for his own ring!). No big rock for me, though we certainly could of done so.

Anyway, if you don't intend to wear it a lot, it might not matter so much to get it changed - wear it until the wedding, then just wear a band.

mgoss228 · November 2009

I'm sorry that you aren't in love with your ring, but it does seem like you have good reason (not being able to wear it at work) to get a different cut/style.

If your budget ends up taking away your option to switch your ring, you could try to do what I'm going to. My E-ring is a yellow gold solitaire with a white gold setting holding the diamond in place, and I have always wanted a diamond/sapphire 3-stone E-ring in white gold. My solution (since I have come to love my ring because my FI did put a lot of thought and love into it) is to make my wedding ring a "solitaire enhancer" (aka ring guard, wrap). My wedding ring will be white gold with sapphires and possibly smaller diamonds, so the yellow gold band of my solitaire will poke out just a tiny bit. My FI will be getting a two-tone wedding band, so our rings will semi-match.

Your ring isn't a simple solitaire like mine, but you may be able to find a ring guard or wrap (whatever jeweler you go calls it) that can go around your ring to make it stick out less. I know very little about jewelry, so this alternative may not at all be possible.

Good luck with whatever happens!

mromag1 · November 2009

I would talk to zales and see if they would allow an exchange. If they do then go back to you Fi and explain that you like you ring but it does not suit your lifestyle for everyday use. See if ya'll can back to the store and picking out a setting you love and feel comfortable wearing.

PreppySailor · November 2009

I agree with PP, it's probably best to be honest, and tell him it's giving you grief at work, and that you'd be more comfortable with something simpler,
good luck

kdqueen16 · November 2009

I don't mean to be critical or anything because I know that doesn't help anything, but I just want you to completely think things through before you make any drastic decisions. You do "like" the ring you said... So is it really worth hurting his pride in order to exchange it? Plus don't you have a ton of special memories that come along with it? If you exchange it you will have nothing more than a store bought ring. It won't be the ring that he saved up for, the one he waited excitedly so long to see your expression, and the one he got down on one knee and asked you to be his bride with... Are you willing to give that up?

If so, I suggest you be honest with him. It is not good to keep secrets from your future husband. Don't make up excuses for it. Just honestly tell him you don't like it.

azbride11 · November 2009

I agree with kd...do you think it is more about not liking the ring, or the impracticality of the marquis stone? I have a cushion cut e-ring, and it still gets snagged on things (I thought I was solving this by opting for cushion instead of princess - I would have been happy with either). My thoughts are to be honest with yourself first and then see where that guides you. I don't know how your FI would feel, only you do. If he would be ok looking into a new setting or stone because he wants you to be 100% happy with it, that is one thing. If you feel it could grow on you knowing he is 100% happy with it, that is another. Good luck!

hope1009 · November 2009

I also agree with KD and AZ. You said he has been saving for 2 years and has been looking almost as long? You will definately hurt his feelings. I work in healthcare too, and i have a silver chain that i stick my ring on, esp. as a nurse i am putting gloves on and off more times than i can even dream about throughout a day. Last I remember, there was medical journal info that said rings can harbor bacteria in healthcare settings. It sounds like beneath it all, you really don't like the look of your ring. Solution? After your first year of marriage you can upgrade to the stone you want. This aring ppears to be his pride and joy, his devotion and promise to you. I would be really careful about this, because tolerating a ring for a year and working with it is better than looking ungrateful.

PrincssGS · November 2009

I agree with both of you, KD and AZ...I do like it enough that I don't want to hurt his feelings! I also plan on wearing it 24/7 because it's my e-ring and I love my man and want everyone to know it!!!! I know he spent so much time saving and searching for the right ring and the moment he proposed was very special for both of us. Sometimes I feel ambivalent about it, but just need to remember in the long run I will look upon it with love and admiration and will remember the time and dedication he spent choosing it for me

Thank you all for your input...it really was helpful! This was my first post on the knottie boards so I know I can trust your ladies recommendations for any other questions/issues I have

DKC1308 · November 2009

I actually just went through this same thing. My FI and I had not really discussed rings seriously. I had mentioned that I liked emeralds and that was it. He proposed with a 3 stone emerald. I of course loved that he proposed and I liked that it was emeralds but... I HATED it =/ It was not my style at all and the band was very large (I am a very tiny person) it looked and felt heavy.

What I did... straight with it. After I set it up to look at bands... I told him that I did not love the ring. For the reasons before (large band, 3 stone not my style, not something I would wear with a band for life) He was totally okay with to my surprise! He said he understood and it is a big deal. He had NO IDEA what he was doing. And even said " if you had to wear only 1 shirt for the rest of your life... you would want to love it." As long as your honest how could he be upset? Would he rather you secretly hate the ring?

We decided to use my center stone and have it reset. If you are not able to make an exchange (some places have deadlines) you could always ask if maybe for your wedding gift you upgrade the ring with your band (sometimes you can get a great deal on a set) You could then try selling your current ring.

aMrsin09 · November 2009

I'm late to this, but it looks like yiu might be able to have the stone changed to an East-West setting (rotate it sideways) and that may cut down on it cutting your gloves.

lacebride · November 2009

I would keep the ring if it were me. It's not a judgment, just what I would do. I have a cushion and it still gets caught on things. You like your ring (I love it)... I think you'll grow to love it. I'd give it time. Good luck

matt-brandy · November 2009

keep your ring - it's very pretty.
I understand the glove thing. Many of the other girls at work have the same problem with all shapes of stones. We sat and figured out it's not the shape but the height of the setting. Those of us with lower profile settings don't seem to have the trouble.

Also, if you are constantly catching and pulling it - i'd be, and I am terrified of losing my stone. I know this sounds cheap.. but QVC and some other sights sell some really real looking rings... if something happens you are out nothing. While I do, sometimes - when I forget, wear my good ring to work. I have a nice "fake" ring I wear too. I'm not there to impress my patients, and my fellow nurses understand the delemia of not wanting to lose something so important in a pile of well... anything.

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