Small Wedding, Large Reception

margaretkd · September 2010

My fiancé and I want to have a small, intimate wedding, inviting literally a hand full of people. But we still want to have a large reception for all of our family and friends to celebrate with us. Would it be okay to just send out invitations for the reception? And do you think our guests would still come to the party even though they're not invited to the wedding?

heartxsongs · September 2010

These tend to be frowned upon on this board. The general consensus seems to be that the post-wedding parties should be for those who are invited to the wedding. You'll likely be told to either invite everyone to the wedding, or to only have a reception with those who are in the wedding.

The small wedding-large reception is viewed as "gift-grabby", since you are inviting people to an event which people usually bring a gift.

If they are important enough to you to celebrate your wedding, they should be able to see it too!

ETA: Thanks everyone for helping me see the error of my ways! I think I confused this with the tiered reception idea, where not everyone gets fed. Sorry about that

OP, go for it! You should have a fine turn out.

mgietler76 · September 2010

I don't like this idea because for me the most important part of a wedding is the ceremony itself. IMO the reception is a thank-you to the guests for attending your ceremony. I would not attend if I got a reception only invite, but like I said this is only MY opinion.

opalsky007 · September 2010

See, I'd be disappointed by not getting to see the vows. To me, it's what the whole day is about. But I wouldn't rush to feel insulted about it or anything. It's not a matter of not being good enough. It's just that some people are very private, and I get that.

Now, if I'd been invited to a ceremony but not the reception, or to the dance portion but not to dinner, I'd be pissed.

lyndausvi · September 2010

I've been invited to 2 weddlings like this. Both times I had to flew up for the wedding and both times I did not have a problem with the arrangement.

I like a good party, so I do not mind missing the ceremony. I

crfische · September 2010

See, I'm usually happy when I don't have to sit through ceremonies. Especially long ones.

I think this makes me a bad person.

tpender13 · September 2010

We're kind of doing this. Our budget isn't allowing us to invite aunts, uncles, and cousins. There are just WAY too many of them. So next spring/early summer FI's dad and step-mom are throwing a barbeque for us to invite that part of the family, and my parents will throw something back home as well.

The invites will say "No Gifts", ettiquette be damned.

Mrs.B6302007 · September 2010

I don't think it makes you a bad person either, FIshy.

texagj · September 2010

I think Fish is a horrible person!

Just kidding

crfische · September 2010

It's ok. I'll own it. I'm usually just the girl who wants to get out of there to get a good seat for the reception that is strategically located between the dancefloor and the bar.

Anyone wanna invite me to their wedding?

eastunder1 · September 2010

i disagree that this idea is frowned upon on this board. If anything, I think the general consensus for years has been that it is fine. You can go up from a ceremony. You can't go down from it.

I've been to weddings where this occurred and didn't think a thing of it. People should and will understand a couple's desire to have a very intimate, small ceremony. It's actually quite common.

Tiered receptions are not ok. Having most but not all of your guests to both and a handful to just the reception is not ok. But going from a intimate family ceremony to a everyone we know party? Absolutely.

As for the invitation, have your main invitation mention only the reception, and then provide inserts about the ceremony to the few people who will be included in both.

heartxsongs · September 2010

Ah, I see I had it wrong then! I can see where people might not have an issue with it if they are still being fed and such. I think I would personally prefer to be invited to the whole event, but to see that it has worked for others, then I think it could work for you too.

Whatever you decide to do, I think your guests would want to come. Especially since it is a party you are hosting! Like some PPs mentioned, if you are having a meal, you might get a better turn out too.

tpender13 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-large-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:36e9f4f1-e277-48b4-853c-a23c24ff4f0cPost:1fcb7d1a-2865-4cb6-9436-a87506396d64">Re: Small Wedding, Large Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]As for the invitiation, have your main invitation mention only the reception, and then provide inserts about the ceremony to the few people who will be included in both.
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

I like this.

margaretkd · September 2010

For the wedding we only wanted literally a hand full of people. And then everyone would be invited to the reception. If someone brings a gift, that's fine, but we're not asking for any.

crfische · September 2010

That's how we did our invites, East. Hi by the way!

We sent the nice invitation to everyone for the reception and an RSVP card, and then made another post card thingy for the people invited to the ceremony as well.

crfische · September 2010

As long as you feed everyone, I think it's fine.

margaretkd · September 2010

Thank you all for the input! You really have helped with some really good ideas. ^_^ I'll talk it over some more with my FI, but I think what some of you have said is right. The people who care about us will show up to the reception, even though they're not invited to the wedding. And we are planning on having food, so maybe that will make them happy, lol. Thanks again, your answers have really made me not so stressed about the whole situation. ^_^

Kristin789 · September 2010

>>I, personally, do not like it. It really irks me that I'm good enough to party with, and good enough to give you a gift, but not good enough to see you exchange vows. Having more guests at the ceremony doesn't cost you more money. I really don't understand how you can have people you want to celebrate with, but you don't want to let them see the thing that they're supposed to celebrate.

Yeah, that. Exactly.

This "reception only" invitation isn't common in my area because no one goes to those. An older friend of mine's daughter got married and invited everyone to the receprion - and they were so disappointed and angry that their idea was to have the entire floor of the dinner cruise boat to themselves, but with onlly like 15 RSVPs they had to share it with another group and it was a disaster...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-large-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:36e9f4f1-e277-48b4-853c-a23c24ff4f0cPost:a9f4a3c7-6925-4dff-b3d6-6b413eb583e3">Re: Small Wedding, Large Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]It's ok. I'll own it. I'm usually just the girl who wants to get out of there to get a good seat for the reception that is strategically located between the dancefloor and the bar. Anyone wanna invite me to their wedding?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Yes, but, um... my RSVP deadline was last Friday, so I hope you don't assume you were on my B-list or anything. ;-)

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