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Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed

caraellen23caraellen23
2500 Comments
in Pennsylvania-Philadelphia
I need some advice! This is confusing, so I'll do my best to explain....

So there is someone that I am friends with.  We're not super good friends, but I've known him for almost 3 years.  He got engaged last year.  Its kind of a long and convoluted story, but I am friends with him and he's also involved in my work as a supporter.  I've never met his FI and as far as she knows, we're only friends through my work.  (no funny business, don't worry).

Anyway, their wedding is memorial day weekend in upstate NY.  I did not invite them to my wedding, which was really awkward, but I honestly didn't want to. I played it off that we didn't have any space.  He always said we'd be invited to his wedding.  I got a save the date a few months ago.

Since then, I've reached out to him a few times, mostly about work, but also asking how things are going, etc.  I sort of hinted that I might not be able to come to his wedding.  He didn't respond.  In fact, he hasn't responded to me at all except to answer a work-related question.

Here are my questions:
- would the invites for a May 29th out of town wedding already have gone out?
- did I get uninvited?
- I moved last week, should I send him my new address (mail is being forwarded anyway) or is that being presumptuous?

I still don't want to go, but will send a gift.  I feel like I upset this person.  But really, I don't think I should be invited.
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Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed

  • paprika28paprika28
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    For May 29th, they might not get sent out until this week at the latest. Even if it is OOT. (Maybe she just didn't think to send them out early?)

    Maybe ask where they're registered and ask how the wedding planning is going?

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  • Bean32Bean32 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you should just email him your new address and let him take it from there. If they haven't sent out their invites yet, they're on the later side, but not ridiculously late.
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you only friends with him through work stuff?  (work acquainence)
    Or, are you friendly IRL and just happen to be in contact for work events? (real friend)

    I sounds like you only know him through work stuff and usually communicate through email (my assumptions).  If that's the case, I wouldn't worry too much about whether you've offended him by mentioning that you may not be available for his wedding.  If he does invite you, you can decline and send a gift.  If he invites you, but mail forwarding has delayed it delivery, you'll find out soon enough or they will reach out to you for being the biotch that didn't send the RSVP by the deadline :)  Or, you're just not invited and I wouldn't worry about it.  You could contact him after the wedding asking how everything went and mention that you wanted to send a gift, but need his address.
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  • jelybeancgjelybeancg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Recently I have noticed people sending invites out really late. Have you sent out an email to your other friends with your new address? If you were planning on doing that, include him. Maybe he will write back and say he sent it to your old address and maybe that is why it is taking longer?

    As for not getting back to you, maybe he is stressed with upcoming wedding stuff?
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  • caraellen23caraellen23
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    MH - he was an IRL friend who I coerced into becoming a work supporter.  I try to keep my interactions with him work-related, but when we go out to lunch, its all about non-work things like wedding planning, house hunting, etc.

    I wouldn't think anything of it except that I got a STD a few months ago.  So etiquette wise, I should be getting an invite.
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would just wait it out.  If you receive it late, blame it on the move :)
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  • caraellen23caraellen23
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah...I'll just wait a bit, thanks!

    I did send out a mass email to a bunch of people and I honestly can't remember if I included him or not. :-(  I suck.
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  • Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    Send him an individual email that says "hey, don't know if I gave you my new address yet but here it is!"  No need to say anything about a wedding invite ;)

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  • rachelk456rachelk456
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All good advice. I think if it were me, I'd give it a couple more weeks before reaching out to him. If he did uninvite you though, that is majorly tacky!!

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  • birdie119birdie119
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i think every took care of the advice, but just to let you know, i'm getting invited toa  wedding that weekend and haven't gotten the invite yet...
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My May 28th invites are going out next week. 

    Don't go, come to my wedding instead!

    EDIT:  Mine are going out this week, which is 8 weeks.  AHH.
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Get the invite and send it back as a NO and don't give it another thought. You don't need to explain yourself and you aren't going to ruin his world.

    You're assuming that he thinks like you, and while you may get insulted when your guest tell you they don't want to be at your wedding I can assure you that he couldn't care less if you come. As long as his 5 closest friend come and the beer makes it he's good to go.
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:9b8442e0-1bb3-4122-ba51-6066f0afb8b5">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE] I can assure you that he couldn't care less if you come.
    Posted by angel33284[/QUOTE]

    Oh, that's cool that you share a mutual friend!  Glad you have all that insider info.
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  • caraellen23caraellen23
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:f9d172ea-ff12-4580-acf2-f50d6dba6651">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]My May 28th invites are going out next week.  Don't go, come to my wedding instead!
    Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]

    Put me on your B list!  I will happily come and eat your cake, drink your champagne and pretend everyone is there for my birthday. ;-)
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  • CaitC21CaitC21 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:9b8442e0-1bb3-4122-ba51-6066f0afb8b5">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Get the invite and send it back as a NO and don't give it another thought. You don't need to explain yourself and you aren't going to ruin his world. You're assuming that he thinks like you, and while you may get insulted when your guest tell you they don't want to be at your wedding I can assure you that he couldn't care less if you come. As long as his 5 closest friend come and the beer makes it he's good to go.
    Posted by angel33284[/QUOTE]

    No one excused you b!tchyness today...

    One excused person per day and I got it already...

    Go away
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:dd357819-899c-47c9-ab57-d82a6be10f3c">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed : No one excused you b!tchyness today... One excused person per day and I got it already... Go away
    Posted by CaitC21[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Your reply to my post was a lot more bitchy than my response to the OP.</div><div>
    </div><div>It just amazes me that there are brides who think that their wedding is the social event of the year and that people will be devastated if they aren't invited. Go ahead and have your fantasy Let me know when you've gotten over yourself.

    </div>
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  • RecoveringActorRecoveringActor member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Angel, there's really no reason for the snarkiness.  Cara wasn't asking to be attacked in this situation, and your response to her was a bit rude and uncalled for.  Cait is just defending a friend, albeit bitchy, but she said earlier today that her fuse is really short, so I wouldn't take it personally. 

    Can we end the attacking, please?
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:d622fa16-b9c9-40e7-839f-090e72c3335d">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, that's cool that you share a mutual friend!  Glad you have all that insider info.
    Posted by miguelhilary2010[/QUOTE]

    MH, you're cheeky!  ;-)

    I have nothing new to add.  I would do absolutely nothing.  He is just an acquaintance after all.
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  • Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    ahhh... Snarky Angel is back.  I was getting worried because you were handing out reasonable advice for a while there.

    PS.. my wedding WAS the social event of the year. 
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  • CaitC21CaitC21 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    And Amer I am horribly sad I didnt know you because even knowing you after makes me feel like I missed out on the best wedding EVER
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:9d31d7aa-7599-4dc2-b434-2c97f8297491">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Angel, there's really no reason for the snarkiness.  Cara wasn't asking to be attacked in this situation, and your response to her was a bit rude and uncalled for.  Cait is just defending a friend, albeit bitchy, but she said earlier today that her fuse is really short, so I wouldn't take it personally.  Can we end the attacking, please?
    Posted by RecoveringActor[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I was attacked first and I will bring this thread to the attention of Knottie Annie to let her know that her moderators are not doing their job properly.</div><div>
    </div><div>You have confused snarkiness with the truth. Just because I told her the truth and it wasn't something she wanted to hear doesn't mean that I am out of line. The OP made a big deal about some stupid invitation and I told her she was making a big fuss over nothing. Frankly I think you owe me an apology.</div><div>
    </div><div>You should read posts thoroughly before you decide to pick sides. If you don't want to do this job properly just tell Annie and she'll assign it to somebody who cares. Of course she may do that soon anyway.

    </div>
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:5f99c2a3-d6e3-4f5c-bda0-8340cf28b742">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed : MH, you're cheeky!  ;-) I have nothing new to add.  I would do absolutely nothing.  He is just an acquaintance after all.
    Posted by Musicheals71[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh no. You told her the truth just like I did. You will soon be accused of attacking people, like I was. I have a new respect for you.

    </div>
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  • Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have to go with Angel on this one.   She wasn't attacking anyone and didn't call any names.  She just told the OP her opinion on the matter (it's what Angel does).  She didn't do anything wrong.  Yea, she can be harsh but we know this.  I am not saying that I agree with everything she said or the exact way it was put but she has a point that may help the OP in her decision.  This board has become sensitive and that coming from me is serious considering I'm a "delicate flower".  I highly doubt the OP is in tears about this so I think we all can relax a little.  Cara, if I'm wrong about that last part, let me know.

    To the point, I agree that you shouldn't go, Cara.  If you're not that close with the guy and don't even know his FI, I don't see why you should feel obligated.    I especially wouldn't travel that far on a holiday for a wedding where I barely know them.  I think it's thoughtful of you to send a gift.  HTH
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  • caraellen23caraellen23
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh good lord, I have no idea what happened here.  I was neither offended nor upset by Angels remarks or any other remarks.  Nor did I feel personally attacked at any point.  I'm sorry that other people got upset on their own or on my behalf. Seriously? Really not a big deal.  I was merely asking if invitations for a May 29th wedding would have gone out by now and if I should follow up with my friend who had sent me a save the date because things had gotten weird lately.  If he sends an invite, great.  If he doesn't, great.  I wasn't suggesting that my appearance at his wedding would make or break it and I apologize if it came off that way.

    If I may be perfectly honest, this board in general often accuses people of attacking when comments or suggestions are made that may not be offered in the friendliest or nicest way.  But that often doesn't take away their validity.  Please keep in mind that this is a public forum and when you post a question, you open yourself up to the good and the bad, helpful and snarky. It just goes with the territory when you ask for opinions.
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    And just for the record, I wasn't accusing you of being full of self importance. Just that you were over-thinking the whole situation.
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    .............. (head hits desk)
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:a25b9d25-899e-443e-869a-310b13318836">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh no. You told her the truth just like I did. You will soon be accused of attacking people, like I was. I have a new respect for you.
    Posted by angel33284[/QUOTE]

    WTF?  To whom are you speaking, Hilary or me?
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_awkward-wedding-situation-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:e13886cc-eacb-47ee-b3dd-be5575704845Post:ccd4f116-e319-4ea1-b7e2-b32d9af42407">Re: Awkward Wedding Situation - Advice Needed</a>:
    [QUOTE].............. (head hits desk)
    Posted by miguelhilary2010[/QUOTE]

    Me too! Some people just LOVE to stir the pot when it isn't even necessary!
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