I feel like a jerk

sassygirl5401 · December 2011

I just sent FI an text asking him to please find out from his mom what the headcount is so far (hey im impatient and want to update my ticker!) and he asked if he could do it tomorrow, so I say I suppose. But really on the inside I'm irked because I want to know my numbers. Then he sends me a text saying Uncle D died today. He and N were best friends with FMIL's mother. They are like her family.

So now I feel like a jerk for asking... but wait my jerkiness gets better!

My next thought is ok, maybe this means we don't have to go to their place for Christmas (see previous post about blending family time at the holidays). FI sends me a text saying Aunt N wants to be left alone today but still wants to get together for Christmas.

Here is the big jerk moment... ready?! I kind of want to participate even less now because not only will it be Christmas with people I really dont know but it will be Christmas with people grieving the loss of someone who I have never met. Not the cheerful Christmas I had envisioned in my head.

Go ahead, let me have it! I deserve it because right now I am a big ol fat JERK!

ezennaiter913 · December 2011

Actually, I don't think you are being a jerk at all. I understand your FI grieving, but there isn't any reason you should have to spend your Christmas being uncomfortable. Only suggestion I can make is to stop by and agree on a time limit. At least this way you are kinda paying your respects, but it won't be the center of your entire day. Good luck with everything!!!!!

shellyamf · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_feel-like-jerk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:34418285-d99f-4991-90bd-9ff4c2ac616aPost:90e05cfd-3acb-4ae8-820a-085ba0a15375">Re: I feel like a jerk</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, I don't think you are being a jerk at all. I understand your FI grieving, but there isn't any reason you should have to spend your Christmas being uncomfortable. Only suggestion I can make is to stop by and agree on a time limit. At least this way you are kinda paying your respects, but it won't be the center of your entire day. Good luck with everything!!!!!
Posted by ezennaiter913[/QUOTE]

Seconded!

TaraW1979 · December 2011

You're not a jerk at all. I would be feeling the same way.

tammythetiger · December 2011

If you are a jerk, then I am a jerk. i think I'd feel the same way!

And how tough is it to try to manage the holidays with now the love of your life? We haven't quite figured it out and decided this year, we're just going to split up and spend it separately. Now I really am a jerk for saying YAY!

one2andnow3 · December 2011

You are not a jerk. You want christmas to be merry. What's wrong with that?

awarm014 · December 2011

I think I am even more so... I don't want to go to my aunt and uncle's house on christmas because I don't want to be around her family, who I barely know, and really don't like.

hippolover · December 2011

I don't think you are a jerk. You have a right to feel the way you do. I hope you feel better! and I will be thinking about your FI's family.

jtmh2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_january-2012-weddings_feel-like-jerk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:5a1804e7-e8c8-4829-9e61-b9d49f3a9b5fDiscussion:34418285-d99f-4991-90bd-9ff4c2ac616aPost:33c74790-27d3-4f08-833c-2975700b657a">I feel like a jerk</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the big jerk moment... ready?! I kind of want to participate even less now because not only will it be Christmas with people I really dont know but it will be Christmas with people grieving the loss of someone who I have never met. Not the cheerful Christmas I had envisioned in my head.
Posted by sassygirl5401[/QUOTE]

I agree with you. Janthana and I had to spend Christmas last year with her aunt, uncle, the grandmother who just lost her husband at Thanksigivng, and the rest of the family. Was definitely one of those times we were glad we couldn't stay long and had to be in the car for Florida...

sassygirl5401 · December 2011

Thanks everyone for making me feel less jerky. I told FI last night that I was going to feel uncomfortable at Aunt N's because its going to be a house full of people grieving for a person that I have never met. He said I know. We will only stay 1 to 2 hours. o_O I didnt want to press the issue because I know he is grieving too (even though I dont think he's seen uncle D in the 2 years we've been together.)

So tonight I may suggest that we go to his dad's in the morning and then go our separate ways. He can go to his Aunt C's house and then his Aunt N's house and I can go to my moms. I know this will go over like a lead brick and he will be upset about it but if he is not willing to compromise then that is my only solution.

I think I feel so strongly about being with my family this Christmas is because it is the last Christmas before FI and I start our own traditions.

procrastinemily · December 2011

What's important isn't how you feel, it's what you do. And if you're there with the family, even if you'd rather be anywhere else, you're not being a jerk. Grieving holidays are hard for everyone.

I feel like a jerk

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