Losing a Mom..

phoenix307 · April 2012

I was wondering if anyone else on here has lost their mom during the wedding planning, or lost her before and weren't able to have her at the wedding?

I lost my mom last month to cancer and have been finding it really hard to really dive into planning to finish things up without being a total wreck. Luckily she was able to see me in my dress and knew the overall way we were going with the wedding but I still haven't totally come to terms with the fact she won't be walking me down the aisle.

We were also going to do a mother/daughter dance at the reception, but I am thinking now that I will just play the song but not have anyone dance as a memory.

Any thoughts, etc on how to make this a little easier would be much appreciated!

MoonlightSilver · April 2012

I don't have any experience, but I do want to say I'm sorry. I like the idea of playing the song without anyone dancing.

bmetz34 · April 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what a struggle you're going through emotionally at this time in your life. Maybe during the song, you can do a slideshow of pictures of you and your mom together so everyone can share in the wonderful memories you'll be going through in your head during that song.

Carebear62584 · April 2012

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure it's especially tough while planning a wedding. Since you said she was going to walk you down the aisle, what about using the song you were going to dance to when you walk down the aisle. That may be too emotional, but just a suggestion.

FutureMrsMooney2017 · April 2012

I am so sorry. Maybe you could keep a picture of her on your head table with a candle. Love to you!

Christine9866 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss, it must be hard esp. during the planning of your wedding. I personally lost my father to cancer two years ago, and FI lost his mother to cancer 1 year ago. My dad and FIs mom were diagnosed within 2 months of eachother. I understand how hard it is, bc I often have those thoughts of my dad not being there and get emotional, and FI is pretty quiet about his mother not being able to be here. I like the picture idea. FIs dad is an artist so he will be drawing portraits of both of them. During the ceremony we are going to have a candle and play a clip of a josh groban song while we light the candle. After the ceremony I am going to have the paintings and candle placed somewhere in the reception room. They also make bouquet charms, and I am having a piece of my dad's clothing sewn into my dress in the shape of a heart.

phoenix307 · April 2012

Thank you all for the support.

My plan is to have the In Memory candle from the her funeral at the seat she would have normally had at the table with a small corsage next to it. I am just worried I will be too emotional playing a song/slideshow though I think that is what I am going to do. We were going to dance to Mama's song by Carrie Underwood and that song makes me instantly cry right now so hopefully in 5 months I will be alright with it.

Again, thank you all!

stefpet22 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your lost. I have personally not gone through the lost of a parent, but I have cousins that have. One of cousin's lost her mom a year before her wedding. Her rabbi told to honor her mom in a few ways, but not to lose site of the wedding being a happy occasion. At her wedding, she had the seat what should have been her mom's at the ceremeny with flowers and did a candle lighting ceremeny during the ceremeny. My other cousin just lost her mom suddenly 4 months ago. She will be getting married in 3 weeks. She had been spending a lot of time with family and doing many things with her dad. She is also having my mom (her aunt) do the unity candle and is having a moment of silence at the church for her mom. She is adding little topics to honor her mom. I think you should maybe play the song as you walk down the aiale.

calindi · April 2012

I'm so sorry you lost your Mom! My friend recently got engaged, and she lost her Mom 9 years ago, but no matter how long it's been, this is not an easy time to be without your Mom. She's finding it very emotional, too. I can only imagine how much worse it is when the wound is still fresh and raw.

I think it's important to step back and think about what will make YOU happy on your wedding day. If you're afraid it will be too emotional to have the song, maybe play it that morning before you get ready so you have time to include her in your day without making your wedding unnecessarily sad. It won't be disrespectful to your Mom in any way - I'm sure she would want you to be happy, not crying.

My friend is carrying a bouquet charm - like this one (click here) - so that a picture of her Mom and a memorial quote engraved on the back can be with her throughout the day. She's pinning a piece of her Mom's wedding dress inside her dress. She's leaving a seat empty during the ceremony with a rose on it. There will be a note in the program. But I think that's it - she said she doesn't want to be melancholy on her wedding day, and that is how she has chosen to proceed. At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for YOU and no one else.

Losing a Mom..

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