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Really Bummed (long and kinda involved)

Let me give you some background...

A very good friend of mine who I had known about a year and a half hooked up me and FI.  She was also engaged to his brother.  About 6 months into FI's and my relationship, they went through a pretty nasty break-up and FI and I were stuck in the middle of it. 

Around the time that FI and I got engaged we talked to her, FI's brother, and his family to tell them that we wanted them all at our wedding.  We also made it clear that if they couldn't handle it, we would ask them to leave.  We wanted as little drama as possible with this whole situation. 

I asked her a couple months ago if she would be a bridesmaid of mine.  She's still one of my best friends and I really wanted her to be there.  She said she was surprised I still wanted her there after everything, but of course she would.

Fast forward to last night.  FI asks his brother if he wants to be a groomsman.  Brother says that it depends on who would be on the other side (obviously we weren't going to make them walk down the aisle together or anything), but of course his ex was going to be.  With that answer, he said no and that he wasn't sure that he even wanted to come to the wedding.  What BS!  Seriously, it's your brother and you can't put your feelings aside for one day?  Ugh.  Anyway, I text my friend to tell her that he was being a baby because I was really mad.

Then I get a text from her saying that she had been doing some thinking and wasn't sure if she could be a bridesmaid.  She was afraid that she and everyone else there would feel uncomfortable.  The last thing I want is for people to feel uncomfortable, but this really sucks!!  So now, FI and I have both lost people that we really wanted to be in our wedding party. Cry
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Re: Really Bummed (long and kinda involved)

  • kelleyku05kelleyku05 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel.  I'm afraid a similar situation is arising in our bridal party.  The couple that introduced me and my FI has broken up.  They are both pretty emotional people and I'm afraid there will end up being drama at the wedding.  Expecially if one or both of them have "moved on."  As of right now they are both standing up in the wedding, but I told my BM that if she's gunna cause trouble I won't be happy. 
    I can't beleive your FI's own brother would choose to not come over this girl!!  However, you guys have some time, and hopefully everyone can work something out in the coming months. 
  • prideeinpynkprideeinpynk member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Aw, I'm sorry to hear that you're being put in the middle of their issues. We also had a couple that we really wanted involved in the wedding but who had broken up. It was very messy, and she hooked up with one of our other friends which just made it worse. We made him a GM and she was going to be a reader for the ceremony. Luckily (or is it?), the girl couldn't get the time off of work to come so we no longer have to worry about there being drama, but something tells me she would have tried harder had he not been involved.

    The best thing to do is to express your feelings to both of them. Let them know that they both mean a lot to you, despite anything that happened in the past between them. Tell them that it's really important that they be there for you, and you hope that they can set aside their differences for one night.

    That being said, maybe privately asking another mutual friend to 'keep an eye' on the situation will help as well. If any drama DOES happen, this friend can go and take care of it so that you and your FI are not involved with it on your wedding day.

    Chrissy & David -- 10/10/10

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    This is my "OMG-Don't-Drop-Me" face

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  • edited December 2011
    That really sucks.  I agree with Chrissy.
  • edited December 2011
    That sucks, however, it seems generous of your current (maybe ex) bridemaid to forgo her honor in order to keep the peace for your wedding. Those are the kind of people you strive to have in your party. That sucks!  Maybe your FBIL will come around, but just remember, if these people say they can't handle it, they probably can't. If they are both there Sh*t is bound to fly.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry that does really suck.  One of the PP said it best when maybe your BM is doing the right thing by pulling her self out - yes it's not perfect but in the end if it saves you from having drama on your day then it might be worth it.  Plus they could come around you do have some time and I agree talking to them and explaining how you feel could help.  Good Luck!
  • edited December 2011
    aww.  I'm sorry for the drama in your wedding party!  It stinks that they can't just suck it up for one day.  

    It is nice the your BM volunteered to step down.  Its prolly 'better' to have his brother come to the wedding.  I hope this all work out.  Please keep us up to date!
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