Looking for ANY suggestions cause im completely LOST

salba · January 2010

So, my wedding is in May of this year and the ceremony is being held in Florida.... theres about 30 ppl invited ( mainly the party and immediate family...) But we are having a traditional reception here in NJ a few months later ( date yet to be decided_ I'm looking for any etiquette suggestions with regards to a bridal shower and bachelorette party... Can I invite those that are invited to the formal reception and not necessarily the wedding???? And if so, should I send out invitations to the formal reception now, so that these people at least know theyre invited to the reception but not the wedding???

captainleela · January 2010

Generally most people feel okay with inviting people to the bridal shower as long as they are invited to the reception. I would definitely send out invites to the reception before the invites to the shower so they know they are invited to something other than just the shower.

AuntieJo · January 2010

I'm learning something: Who decides what is proper etiquette? Is it based on tradition? Who decides this? Martha Stewart? 'Cause really--if we are allowing a woman who has been in jail to decide what is the "right thing" to do... we're all in trouble. (Also, I found THE dress that I wanted on the cover of one of her CURRENT magazines and it is not even available anymore--it was from a 2008 collection.) Ok... sorry... rant!!

I see what you are worried about here--you don't want people to think that you are just "gift-grabbing". Maybe the invites for the shower/party can include a small explanation ie. "The couple is planning an intimate family wedding in Florida in May, with a reception to follow here in August--details to follow". This way you're not taking on extra costs... the other thing is to send out STDs with details to follow. STDs just equal MORE COST.

Good luck. My best advice... thus my rant above... is not to worry so much about what people think. My experience has been that no matter what you do people find reasons to criticize--it happens all the time. So, do what you want, with the best of intentions and ENJOY yourself.

Joanne

lmydogally · January 2010

Deffinately send the AHR invites first before the shower invites are sent. And that answer has nothing to do with Martha or her time in jail.

chosen175 · January 2010

I was told by the person who throws all the showers in my family (my well-to-do, childless aunt) that she's not having a shower for me because you don't invite people to a shower who aren't invited to the actual ceremony. Some relatives agree with her (mostly the older generation) while the younger generation started talking about a "renegade shower" because they didn't think it was fair. The younger ones WANT me to have a shower, even though they know they're only invited to the AHR. My best advice is - if someone wants to host a shower for you, go ahead and say yes. If people get all bent out of shape about not being invited to the ceremony, they can RSVP no and just not come to the shower.

It really does irk me when people claim that this is poor etiquette or that is rude, since most of the "rules" were made DECADES (and in some cases, CENTURIES) before people started doing DW's. If you stick with Emily Post (who has been dead for AGES and her empire is now being run by her great great granddaughter) - every bride would wear white, no color accents, no ivory. They'd all be less than 20 years old, and childless. All the invites would be black & white. All weddings would take place in churches and all Catholic Masses would be said in Latin. All the receptions would be sit down dinners with china and crystal and a 12 piece live band. And every couple would save their "first time" for their wedding night. Things change. People need to stop exhaulting Emily Post and (the vast majority of) her 1800's etiquette. Life today is NOTHING like it was when she sat down and made her etiquette rules, so why can't people accept that etiquette itself needs to change along with the times and the new situations that have arisen since the 1800's? The brides ranting about Emily Post and proper etiquette are probably not having a courtship (ie no physical contact until engagment, and only a peck on the cheek or hand holding between engagement and marriage.) They probably live with their FI already. Some have kids. Some have been divorced. Emily Post would be turning in her gave at all of that. But the brides still insist on following Emily's OTHER rules - the ones that seem "easier" to follow or the ones that "fit their lifestlye" better. Hypocrites, all of them. You don't pick and choose which rules of etiquette to follow, especially when you're cramming etiquette down everyone else's throat. BAH! Rant over, carry on.

drm6285 · January 2010

I've been running into this issue lately with my mom and FMIL as they have decided to give me a shower (originally I was not having one).
I think if they are invited to the AHR, then they can be invited to the shower. We will prob be inviting the ladies who were invited to the wedding (about 60 ladies total) to the shower and calling it a day. My biggest concern is that I don't want people that are actually paying to attend the wedding to get us a gift of any kind, so I don't know how this will all work out in the end...
Good luck!

lmydogally · January 2010

::Throws Chosen a virtual shower while stuffing her well to-do Aunt in the closet::

FutureMrs.McC · January 2010

Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it. We invited everyone to both events to avoid these types of situations. How will you send out an invitation now if you don't know the details yet? Invitations for the AHR should go out 6 - 8 weeks before.

I just want to add the the proper etiquette was determined long before Martha Stewart.

mishy112 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_looking-suggestions-cause-im-completely-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:76b0c65d-544c-4f49-aa75-1d4ec7a40dc3Post:7f83a75a-1be7-4845-a3dc-20d032bc93ee">Re: Looking for ANY suggestions cause im completely LOST</a>:
[QUOTE]If people get all bent out of shape about not being invited to the ceremony, they can RSVP no and just not come to the shower. It really does irk me when people claim that this is poor etiquette or that is rude, since most of the "rules" were made DECADES (and in some cases, CENTURIES) before people started doing DW's.
Posted by chosen175[/QUOTE]

Agreed! Some people think it's so terrible to break certain etiquette rules and are so judgmental about it. That's one reason I love the DW thread because everyone always seems so nice and supportive while offering helpful advice. The conclusion I've come to is that the people I'm inviting to celebrate with me know who I am and breaking an etiquette rule here or there really isn't going to change their view of me. And if it does, so what? I'm comfortable with who I am and the decisions I'm making.

mishy112 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_looking-suggestions-cause-im-completely-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:76b0c65d-544c-4f49-aa75-1d4ec7a40dc3Post:68c3342e-9864-4e21-b2e2-ed4f425cb96a">Re: Looking for ANY suggestions cause im completely LOST</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm learning something: Who decides what is proper etiquette? Is it based on tradition? Who decides this? Martha Stewart? .... My best advice... thus my rant above... is not to worry so much about what people think. My experience has been that no matter what you do people find reasons to criticize--it happens all the time. So, do what you want, with the best of intentions and ENJOY yourself. Joanne
Posted by AuntieJo[/QUOTE]

And this!

amandajean36 · January 2010

has anyone made shower invites that reflect "the wedding is far away and you're not invited, but you're invited to the at home reception"?

i think it needs to be REALLY spelled out that "you're invited to the shower and at home reception, but not to the wedding" but i have no idea how to do that without writing those exact words on the card, haha.

i've been invited to just a shower before, sent a gift, and then never heard a word about the wedding (no invite, nothing). i was really upset by it and thought it was extremely rude. just want to make sure that if i have a shower its clearly communicated that the shower invite doesn't mean you're invited to the wedding, but it does mean you're invited to the at home reception.

salba · January 2010

I really wish I had utilized this message board before bc this is great!!! thanks for all the responses... I'm doing this wedding totally on my own with the exception of some help from a few friends and am completely clueless....

I plan on pushing the post ceremony reception back to October 2nd.... I figured ill be able to enjoy the planning rather than being so stressed... Save the dates will be sent prior to the shower for this event..

Any suggestions on gifts for bridal party?? And does the maid/matron of honor get something different?? Or if anyone has ideas for what a groom gets his best man/groomsmen....that would be helpful too :-)

caymans_christy · January 2010

For my shower, my godmother is only inviting ppl that are invited to the DW. I think that a shower is much more personal (and smaller) than the reception and I felt that I should only invite the ppl that were important enough to be on our DW invite list.

FWIW, even some of the younger generation follows Emily Post. To those people, being invited to a shower and not the actual wedding is an insult. I was invited to a cousin's shower, but was not invited to her wedding. I politely declined and have thought to myself how greedy she appeared. It just left me with a bad taste in my mouth to this day. I just say this, because someone may/will feel slighted and may/will talk about it/you behind your back.

Looking for ANY suggestions cause im completely LOST

Re: Looking for ANY suggestions cause im completely LOST

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