SOS, i need help

nforte711 · November 2011

Hi All,

Im glad i found this chat. I recently got engaged and my fiance and I picked a date and put deposits down for the church and reception venue. He found out last night though that the date we had in mind is no longer available cause his current training changed his schedule and he will be out in the field over next thanksgiving break in 2012. Has anyone had to deal with this issue being a military bride and how did you handle this? Please any information or suggestions would be such a big help right now!

ggirl2001 · November 2011

Do you have another date you can use? Call both places and see what other dates are available. For the future, get a military clause on all contracts.

nforte711 · November 2011

Thanks! I did call both places and i am waiting to hear back, unfortunately cause he is training in NC and i live on LI their is only one date in the next few years that we can use as a back up and i am just hoping the venues have it available. I will def be putting a military clause on the new contracts tho, i never even thought about doing that! Thanks so much

Irishcurls · November 2011

One date?? What about Fridays and Sundays? Or another month? Military or not, you're going to run into issues if you're set on only one date.

Rethany · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_sos-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a58b09d4-c52d-4afc-b166-b831d0db80a1Post:cb63f5ba-148d-43f0-9052-a8fd489ca089">Re: SOS, i need help</a>:
[QUOTE]One date?? What about Fridays and Sundays? Or another month? Military or not, you're going to run into issues if you're set on only one date.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]
I agree. Why only one possible day?

aykayp · November 2011

Would you mind elaborating about why you can't be more flexible with the date?

AmandaSC1988 · November 2011

I hate to be the negative one, but you are setting yourself up for failure if you are so rigid. Number one rule in the military.... be flexible. I have had to change my date twice now for deployments. Life happens you just can't expect the military to care about your wedding day.

Good luck.

HugsAndKisses135 · November 2011

What I have learned so far in my relationship and engagement is that you must be extremely flexible with dates. That's why we have no venue as of yet. We're still waiting for them to finalize the deployment date, and even then they could just call him and tell him he has 18 hours. Flexibility is really important.

crownsuperstar · November 2011

Instead of the Saturday during that same time I agree with Irish, why not either the Friday or Sunday?

firsttimersluck · November 2011

Yeap. It's time to learn how to be a military spouse.
H and I were just short of putting down money on the florist, caterer, rental place, and venue in Chattanooga, TN when the military decided that we weren't going to be having our wedding so far away. We had planned out most of the wedding by the time we figured this out (luckily no money was lost)
Needless to say we had to move the wedding to where we are stationed now, and with that meant re-finding all of our vendors. I'm glad it worked out the way it did, and it turned out to be the best choice for us.

Sorry OP, but you're going to have to be more flexible. I know you said that's the ONLY DAY since you guys live far apart, and maybe you're in school and work but you can always get time off, or travel over a weekend.
GL and I hope it all works out.

nforte711 · November 2011

Hi All, sorry i havent responded had meetings all morning at work, thank you for the advice, i am very very new to military life and i appreciate all of your advice on being flexibile!! The reason for only really one date is he is in training for the next year until Dec 2012 and i live on long island, NY and he is down in NC, so since he really can not come home other than holidays and his family and my family are all on LI, NY its hard to plan, we thought thanksgiving was a good idea cause normally the training he is in would let him go, but obviously they changed it! So the one date we had in mind was over christmas right after he graduated and he would have sometime to take a long leave. I really do appreciate all your advice on being flexibile, just something i def need to work on in the future but i am excited to get married to my army man!! just have to figure it all out!

firsttimersluck · November 2011

I hpoe it works out for you..
I wouldn't have the patience to deal with all that and would probably just wait until he was out of training for ease of planning (especially because my H was reeeeeally involved in all of the wedding stuff), but if you think that is best for your relationship, I wish you luck with the planning and hope it goes smoothly!

iluvmytxrgr · November 2011

I would be really careful about booking places now. I know that a wedding in NY has to be planned out pretty far in advance, but it is not recomended to plan a military wedding unil about 6 months out. You never really know when dates are going to change. I'd also like to point out that your FI getting leave over Christmas is not a given. I realize he is in training. Where he goes after that will determine if he will get that time off. That unit may have a deployment coming. If they do, he may not get Christmas off. He may only get the day of Christmas off. I would recomend not setting a date until he is done with his training and settled into a unit.

aykayp · November 2011

It sounds like you two would probably be better off waiting until he is no longer in training and settled at his base.

prettyirishgirl · November 2011

I'm with others about being flexible and i'm sorry I'm late on the uptake, but I'm in a very similar situation as far as trying to pin down a date. I just wanted to extend an invite to pm me if you want advice or just to vent. Being flexible is important and try not to get frustrated (even though I feel venting is healthy). Depending on how long he is in the training program it may be a lot easier to plan it for when he is at his next posting (especially if you already know where he is going - maybe going back to the unit he was in before?). On the other hand sometimes the training will take a very long time (our case is 18-22 months - just changed from 12-18) so trying to plan the wedding for his new posting may in fact be more difficult then it was going to be originally.

It also can be very hard to have multiple dates set up that are what you want. I know if we want to have a honeymoon immediately after the wedding we now have really only 1 option in the next two years. So on the flexibility note we now don't expect to have that luxury - fact of life. Now we have maybe 5 optimal days and then after that we have a bunch of days we aren't really willing to consider because of how hard it will make it for our guests. Some others suggested a sunday or friday even and although those are good ideas it isn't even an option for us because of FIs training sched and when he is allowed to travel (saturdays only- which means if we want a wedding in the next 2 years we have it sat night). Even some of our 5 optional may include losing some of our wedding party or very close friends. It also means a solid no bach parties, honeymoon right then, Fi possibly not being there for the rehearsal dinner (funny stuff), pissing off a good number of my family (oh well).

It is really just stuff you have to weigh and the best thing to remember is that you need to prioritize what you want. If your family and the location is the most important to you then you need to be willing to sacrifice to get that. If having a church ceremony and not a JOP is what is important to you you may have to wait for that. Sacrificing may mean not having it at all or it could be putting off the wedding for a year until you can have it- that is up to you.

SOS, i need help

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