Holidays

LetsHikeToday · October 2011

Hi everyone!

Calindi's post about her FI and visiting his parents got me thinking. How do you do holidays if you live far away from your families?

Right now, we live in the same town as my in laws so we do Thanksgiving with them. Christmas is HUGE with me and my family so we do Christmas in Pittsburgh.

I'm trying to think of how holidays will look after we move. I talked to H about him being deployed during the holidays and how I'll just go to Pittsburgh. I don't know how his parents will feel about that but honestly, the thought would never cross my mind to go visit them.

The tricky part is when we have kids. How will it look then?? So much to think about!

How do you guys do it?

CAB1217 · October 2011

I don't have this issue, yet... My family celebrates on Christmas eve every year, his celebrates Christmas Day. Since I've been with him, everyone has come down to CA to celebrate. But, when we move in 4 yrs, I'm not sure how it will work. I guess the best way would be to come down to CA every year, but I'm sure that won't always be an option. My family takes the Holidays very seriously... so I know there will be some hurt feelings if we cannot come down with the future grandbabies. Oh boy, not looking forward to that...

firsttimersluck · October 2011

Growing up away from my family and it just being mom and me has made me always have lonely holidays (no offense to my mom.. but with her it was "ok let's open gifts so I can go into work for a while" ) I LOVE the holiday feel and all the fun food, spirits, crafts, decor that comes with it... But the actual holiday has always been lonely.
For that reason, I give the power of decision to H. If he wants us to spend Christmas with his family, then we do (we have all the Christmases we've been together so far). I just want to be with H.. wherever that may be. Since it's not special to me, and his family's holidays are a big deal, I want him to have that.

Zimsgirl · October 2011

We're 3 1/2 hours away so we drive home for holidays but it'll be interesting splitting time this year. We generally spend more time at my hosue because there are 7 in my family and my mom always makes a big meal and we usually have other stuff to do but at FI's house it's usually just his parents and sisters so it gets boring fast

calindi · October 2011

You all know my deal this year, and by my explanation how we've done it the past few years. We plan to keep going up north and splitting Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with his family. Thanksgiving will be swapped around and flipped - we might just host it at home and whoever wants to come will come.

Once we have kids, we don't plan on traveling for Christmas again. Grandparents and aunts/uncles/cousins will all be invited to our house, but I think it's important (especially as we'll be a transitory military family) that the kids realize that home is where our family is located, whichever home that may be, and to establish our own holiday traditions.

crownsuperstar · October 2011

It is just my mom, no brothers or sisters and my dad passed away a long time agao so no matter where we are we will always have her with us. She has been invited to spend the holidays with the in-laws so we really don't have that issue. I just cannot have my mom spending the holidays alone.

LetsHikeToday · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:75eec374-2052-41ac-a33b-17d1d0b23ca9Post:96ca6563-4a6f-47fa-83ae-1e968e6bba36">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]It is just my mom, no brothers or sisters and my dad passed away a long time agao so no matter where we are we will always have her with us. She has been invited to spend the holidays with the in-laws so we really don't have that issue. I just cannot have my mom spending the holidays alone.
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

I can absolutely understand that. Will you still go to your in laws when he's deployed?

crownsuperstar · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:75eec374-2052-41ac-a33b-17d1d0b23ca9Post:5bcd341b-9f94-400f-98e9-273cc40c7c9c">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Holidays : I can absolutely understand that. Will you still go to your in laws when he's deployed?
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

Yeah just not righ on Christmas day, you know what I mean? Since I work at a college I get tons of time off around the holidays so I think we (my mom and I) will go the week after.

What about you?

LetsHikeToday · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:75eec374-2052-41ac-a33b-17d1d0b23ca9Post:da4ea63c-67bf-4ab6-9b6f-16c22088a0c1">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Holidays : Yeah just not righ on Christmas day, you know what I mean? Since I work at a college I get tons of time off around the holidays so I think we (my mom and I) will go the week after. What about you?
Posted by crownsuperstar[/QUOTE]

Well, H isn't deployed but he will start being deployed after this set of holidays. I won't go to the inlaws. I am so close with my family that either I will travel to PA or have them come to me. I don't think H's parents have the means to travel as much as my parents do.

crownsuperstar · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:75eec374-2052-41ac-a33b-17d1d0b23ca9Post:71849239-3f8f-4d35-ae29-c4de0ca01755">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Holidays : Well, H isn't deployed but he will start being deployed after this set of holidays. I won't go to the inlaws. I am so close with my family that either I will travel to PA or have them come to me. I don't think H's parents have the means to travel as much as my parents do.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

I totally understand. Right now we are all in the same region so it makes it much easier. Thank goodness!!!! HAA

shan87 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:75eec374-2052-41ac-a33b-17d1d0b23ca9Post:aa48c9d6-419c-4d61-b456-7bed59cbd353">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]You all know my deal this year, and by my explanation how we've done it the past few years. We plan to keep going up north and splitting Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with his family. Thanksgiving will be swapped around and flipped - we might just host it at home and whoever wants to come will come.<strong> Once we have kids, we don't plan on traveling for Christmas again. Grandparents and aunts/uncles/cousins will all be invited to our house, but I think it's important (especially as we'll be a transitory military family) that the kids realize that home is where our family is located, whichever home that may be, and to establish our own holiday traditions.</strong>
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I 100% agree. We will have our own Christmas day tadition but will prob travel over the holiday vacation.

Growing up my Dad's family was in IL and we were in MN so we switched off Thanskgiving and Easter. H's family doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving so we dont' have to worry about that. I think his family understands us wanting to have our own family tradition but my mom is going to freak LoL

kyrgyzstan · October 2011

H will be gone this year, but last year we had Thanksgiving with friends and Christmas alone. I loved it. His family is pretty demanding of his time (not necessarily in a bad way anymore, they just adore him), and it was nice for both holidays to be low key. This year I'll be alone for Thanksgiving (which is actually okay with me), but I am going to try and run a 5k with my older sister the morning of. Christmas I'll be in Maine with my 95 year old grandmother, which should be interesting.

ETA: We're a family now, and I like to create our own traditions and visit family other times of the year, when travel is less nutty.

ggirl2001 · October 2011

This could potentially be a problem for H and I. His mom and brothers are in Buffalo. My parents leave for Florida in October and spend all holidays down there. My sister is also in Florida. We are in SC. See the dilemma? I don't really want to go to Buffalo in wintertime. We run the risk of getting stuck there, also we would have to rent a car, and we would have to stay at my parents so that means we'd have to get the key and undo everything they did when they left for the winter. We can't stay at his mom's because she has several dogs and cats and I'm allergic.

This year since he will be gone for Thanksgiving I will drive to Florida. And since I spent xmas last year with his mom and him while my parents were gone, we are going to Florida this year as well. I have no clue what we will do next year. He might be deployed then, so I will go to Florida. After that, if we have children, I don't know. I would rather go home for a week to Buffalo in summer instead of going in winter. It just makes more sense. I'm sure his mom will put up a fight about it for a while but since her only daughter has only been home 1 christmas in the past 5 years, and probably won't be home that much more, I am going to try not to be guilt tripped into this. The good thing is H doesn't really care. He loves his family and stuff but he doesn't talk to his mom or brothers on a regular basis.

I, on the otherhand, talk to my mom and sister daily, if not more than that. I talk to my dad every few days and same with my brothers, so moving away really has affected me more than him since I am so close to my family.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, its been a long day. To sum up, I have no clue what we will do after this year, but I'm sure it will work out.

sofiabrian · October 2011

I moved to the east coast right after college (west coast), and since then I've gone back to Seattle every year for Christmas. It's expensive to go home for Thanksgiving, so usually I've been attending turkey day with friends, and eventually in-laws. My in-laws live in Florida, which is about 9 hour drive.

This year DH will be deployed for the holidays. I'm going to Florida for Thanksgiving and back to Seattle for Christmas. DH and I have decided to flip flop thanksgiving and Christmas every year, at our parents' place, that way it's fair. And when kids come along, we'll have to figure out a whole new plan. Next winter, we'll be hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas.

BinxRose · October 2011

This year for Thanksgiving, we will be driving down to FL to visit FI's maternal grandparents. We are going to be picking up FI's little bro who is stationed in NC w/ the Marines. I'm really excited cuz his grandma LOVES me

For Christmas, we are going to have to fly home to WI and fly back to home here in VA at different times, with some overlap being together in WI. He has to take leave earlier because they have a det. starting at the end of December, but I want/need to work later so I can stay in WI for New Years, and work on wedding stuff since FI will be gone anyway.

amh04 · October 2011

We alternate holidays. Last year was Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas with his. This year is Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. We do Easter ourselves, at least we did this year - previously FI was deployed. And we plan on doing Easter ourselves again this year. I figured alternating would be the best way to go about it so no one's feelings get hurt. When we have kids I'd kind of like to do Christmas ourselves, maybe visit the week following or the week before to whomevers house it would be that year. I think it's important that we start our own traditions with our own family and I think that would resolve the issue of someone being hurt that they didn't get to be there for baby's first christmas, so ideally we would do it on our own and visit after.

Edit: FI's family is in KY and mine is in VA - 9/5 hours apart - so there isn't splitting the day of. Just extra info.

calindi · October 2011

P.S. FI booked his flights home to visit his family - he leaves the day after my birthday at 6am, which means I have to drive him to the airport at 4:30am, and he returns Dec 21st at midnight, so I have to pick him up then. A small sacrifice to have him home with me for both my birthday and Christmas, and it maximizes his time with his family since he'll arrive by 1pm on the first day and leave at 7pm on the last! Now let's just hope no snow storms strand him up there!

crownsuperstar · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:75eec374-2052-41ac-a33b-17d1d0b23ca9Post:3a43a861-d85b-45f2-8654-e3d6b2096c07">Re: Holidays</a>:
[QUOTE]P.S. FI booked his flights home to visit his family - he leaves the day after my birthday at 6am, which means I have to drive him to the airport at 4:30am, and he returns Dec 21st at midnight, so I have to pick him up then. A small sacrifice to have him home with me for both my birthday and Christmas, and it maximizes his time with his family since he'll arrive by 1pm on the first day and leave at 7pm on the last! Now let's just hope no snow storms strand him up there!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I am so glad all worked out for you. I know it is hard trying to be understanding and but wanting him with you during the special times.

I will be hoping for no snow during that time for you. I mean not really a big stretch for me since I do not like snow. Southern girl here! HA

divinemsbee · October 2011

Wow, I'm gone for just over a day (sick, ugh) and this board blows up!

I could get used to this.

As a "child of divorce" *cue music*, who is still close to both parents and their families, I'm already pretty used to slitting up holidays. We (meaning my sibs and I) have always done Thanksgiving with my Dad's family, Christmas Eve at home (now that's generally my Dad's house or my Grannie's) and Christmas Day through the 27th with my Mom's huge family. Since my Mom and brother are both in UT now it makes it a little more difficult, but she normally flies down for the holidays (plus my b-day is right after Christmas). FI and I basically intend to continue these more or less, depending on if one or both of us has to work the holidays. I've gotten pretty used to not having the exactly day with family b/c when I worked for Starybucks we were one of the stores that was open, for at least 8 hours, on any given holiday.

SamiJoeB · October 2011

Um... Lets see.. New Years is the only Holiday that H and I have spent together consistently in the last few years.. Since our Anniversary is the week before Christmas, last year we got married on Saturday, left for HM on Sunday, came back to IL's house on Christmas Eve, and spent another week there with them till he left on New Years day. Last year I spent Thanksgiving with IL's, but that won't happen this year. Since he won't be here for Thanksgiving, Our Anniversary, Christmas or New Years, I have no plans to go anywhere this year. After this year since we'll be stationed here in NC, we'll probably come to my parents house or have them come to our Apt for holidays.. And when he gets deployed, I'll just do holidays with my parents. Before H, my family would always go to our cabin in GA, so it was an equal drive for my sister (who lives in AL) and us and we'd spend a long weekend there. Now she has a new job and has to work on black Friday, so I think we're flying my niece and nephew up here for the long weekend. I quite frankly have no plans to go visit IL's. They can come to us and stay in a hotel, but I'm just not going there. When we have kids, we'll probably just stay where we are, but I'm sure that if we're still close to my parents we'll go see them for Christmas dinner.. Maybe if we're close to IL's we'll do the same thing there, maybe...

I just got a sympathy card from my MIL (My Mom's 18 y/o Persian died last weekend), and it was addressed to My name Madien Name-Last Name. I don't hyphenate my name. It was just another example of her doing some nice, but always managing to undercut it. She always has to get a little jab in there. What a peach.

Irishcurls · October 2011

Such a great topic. This year I think we will do what we did last year, which is Thanksigiving at his parents (2 hour drive) and Christmas Day with our own families, then he drives up to CT from PA for a few days to spend with my family. Butttt, my BFF might be having a babyshower the Saturday after Thanksgiving this year so I might go home for both.

Either way, after this year we'll most likely be 1) apart and 2) much further from his family so for the next few years I'll probably do my family for both. I'm not sure I'd be able to hack holidays with his parents while he's gone.....and they do NOT travel so I'd invite them to CT but God knows "the wedding" was hassle enough on them.

I completely second Stan and Calindi (I think?)--once we have kids, Christmas will be at our home, even if it's just us. I actually can't wait for those years!!!

KendallR10 · October 2011

With FI and I getting married we are doing thanksgiving at FMILs and then the next day at my grandparents. Then Xmas eve at FMIL and Xmas with my grandparents and mom and the then 26th at my dads

LetsHikeToday · October 2011

This is kinda an update that I'm pretty pumped about. Every other year his family does thanksgiving in new jersey. It's in NJ this year and 2 years ago we had to sleep on a couch because so many people sleep there. Well I told H I thought we should get a hotel room and he agreed. I am so psyched. I don't need to spend every waking and sleeping hour around his family. They are nice and love me but I also like my space.

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