been MIA for a while

Re: been MIA for a while

• greeneke2

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_mia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:9c10049c-ed91-452f-a49c-d61b1048b761Post:7a33d58d-94c9-40ca-ac51-03c4a03ab2a5">been MIA for a while</a>:
  [QUOTE]I get back and see the board has been very busy and plagued with drama.  I had a little drama of my own and a small vent.  here we go: So USMC now requires you take these classes before (or very soon after) you get married. FI was told go report there with me (got a day off for me going, score) at the first of four classes. It went from 8am to 5pm, longest day of my life. Anyway to get down to it, there was a couple sitting to the left of us. The Fiancee decided to talk to me, I didn't mind I always like making new friends. HOWEVER, we started talking about our relationships (pretty normal right?). She asked how long I've been with FI and I said about 3 years. She proceeded to tell me how horrible I am for making him wait that long to marry me and that I was very selfish for making him live in the barracks. I was a little shocked so I stood quiet and tried to end the conversation. Then she tells me she has known and dated her FI for about 5 months. <strong>She is not sure she loves him but she does like the idea of extra money</strong> and a new coach bag he promised her. Her FI walked in at this point and scolded her in italian (thinking no one would understand, fail) that he could get in a lot of trouble for saying that to someone (contract marriage). At this point I was happy the Chaplin started the class again. We would of moved desks but they were all taken -_-  luckily she didn't say another word to me. So my vent is I am really tired of people telling me I am waiting/waited too long/not long enough for my FI to marry me. I am sick of hearing about contract marriages, they give military marriages such a high divorce rate (75%). The whole class was pretty much on how we were not waiting long enough or didn't know each other that well. How we were going to fail and how contract marriages are illegal. Don't get me wrong, some of the info was useful but I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.  Then when I returned home of course there was more wedding plan drama with my grandmother and mother. Sigh* at least in 25 days I will marry the man I want even if my wedding isn't exactly what I want.
  Posted by Alice and Les[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>What money?  haha No seriously, I really hope she isn't marrying him for the money because she is going to be sadly disappointed in the end!</div><div>
  </div><div>I'm sorry that class wasn't fun for you, but its good that you took away some good info from it and hopefully it will make some people think twice about married.</div><div>
  </div><div>Don't let anyone think you waited too long/not long enough to get married.  I think 3 years is probably an average amount of time that people date before getting engaged anyway.  But in the military world people think its like a million years.  I get asked all of the time why my fiance and I aren't married yet and why we don't have any kids yet.  We have been dating for 3 years as well and I've been getting told this probably since I had dated him for a year and a half.</div><div>
  </div><div>Unfortunately, there are always going to be people like that so try to keep your head up and ignore those girls!
  
  </div>

  

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• lrh17

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Wow.  That lady sounds like a complete b!tch!  She's the selfish one...not you.  I know it's hard, but try not to worry about those people who critisize the decisions you and your FI have made.  Focus on the people who love and support you...that's something I've had to learn throughout my engagment as well.  It sounds like you're getting married for the right reasons.  Hang in there ands stay away from that awful woman!!!

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• kara811 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  That girl is a peach, no? You should have told her that her FI wouldn't be making that much more with her as a dependent. I can't believe she would get married over a Coach bag! She should go to the outlets and buy her own(you can get them cheaply there!) How materialistic, but then again it just proves her stupidity. 

  
  

  Alice, just ignore comments like that. You did the right thing by waiting and you know you love your FI unlike that girl. 

  Planning Bio /Married Bio
  

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• calindi member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Yikes... Will I avoid this class by getting married before he's AD? Cuz that would be great. Otherwise, one of FI's law school classmates is at OCS right now and he and his wife are pretty cool, so we can laugh about it together if we all have to take the class, I suppose! Sorry for the wedding drama - it seems every wedding has some. It's almost over!!! Hang in there!!! 3 years seems totally normal to me. When I was a kid, I knew my parents had dated 4 years before getting engaged and so a total of 5 years before they were married, so that was my ideal time frame. I also heard that 3 years is the honeymoon phase, so if you could make it past that, you were super sure, so I always wanted to wait at least 3 years. We've been together almost 3 years now and will be getting married almost exactly 4 years since the day we met.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• jesssull

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  That's horrible, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hate when people feel they need to bulldoze others with their opinions - it seems that no one knows how to graciously keep their disapproval to themselves these days. Unless it's asked for, or you are a close friend or family member, I don't think anyone should be offering opinions on what a couple chooses to do or not do.
  
  Don't let these people get to you. You are doing what you feel is right for your situation, and that's all anyone can ask of you. Only you and your FI know what is right for you as a couple. I think three years is a perfect amount of time. FI and I have evolved our relationship over 10 years: known each other for 10 years, been extremely close friends for 8, have been dating for 6, and will be engaged for a year and a half before we're married. We've gotten all sorts of stupid comments on how high school relationships never last and long distance relationships never last, and then on how we weren't taking the next step fast enough. Ignore the haters, they're just jealous they can't hold it together for that amount of time and put in actual work to make the relationship last.
  
  I think you're doing great and agree with Irh17: Stay away from the haters and remember you still have strong support here and from your friends and family
  
  

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• shan87

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  hmm I wonder how she would feel about David and I being together for over 7 years before getting married... OH...THE...HORROR! haha. She's an idiot, and she will figure it out eventually. In the meantime don't let it get to you. Depending on age, relationships change, A LOT and its good to ride the waves and see how you both grow before committing a lifetime together.

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• Beachy730 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  People like that make me sick.  He is probably paying her like $200 a month to marry him, and this is the exact reason why I get so bitter about the "secret" JOP.  I would be shocked if their family actually knows about this, and/or supports it. 
  
  Don't get discouraged about your planning, or how long you'll be together at your wedding.  Be content in the fact that 5 years from now you'll likely still be married, and she'll be a divorcee with baggage and no morals. 

  

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• kyrgyzstan member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  You and I are in the same boat length of relationship wise. If someone says that to me (and now I really hope they do), I'm going to say, "Actually, we're so old he's been rating single BAH for a few years now. But yeah, I'm a huge bia, because we could have been getting a whopping $149 extra a month!"

  
  

  I am totally down for all of those requirements, despite how pointless they might be for people who have been together a long time, or who are lunatics about how well they know the military, they might either A) stop at least some of those, let's go to the courthiuse tomorrow weddings, or really help some of the newbies.

  
  

  I'm bummed because when I went through the list, we started calling people for appointments, and it seems like the list is just for show, especially since FI has been in so long. I wanted his OIC to interview me darn it! He's a cobra pilot!

  I hate Dave Ramsey

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I wonder how they are going to have me take the classes since I just started a new job and can't afford to take unpaid days off of work. So unless its on a Saturday it won't be happening for quite some time after we're married.
  
  And yeah, that sucks that you had to hear that.
  
  ETA: And that goes along with so much of the "extra money" we will be making. Yeah right. That extra money doesn't touch my student loan payments.

  

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• Alice and Les

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I would like to know what money too Green lol I grew up military and there isn't any good money unless they are on deployment. If that is what that girl was hoping for then I feel sorry for her because she has no clue. It just irritated me. I could be been a b!tch too and talked about how she has only known him 5 months but I was raised to be a lady.

  We will have known each other 4 years and 2 days when we get married we wanted to get married the day we met but it would be hard for people to come on a Thursday.
  

  I know I should care what other people think and it's not that I do. I am just tired of hearing it from people. 

  We are stationed in San Diego so it is expensive to live in the area, not to mention whatever extra money they have will go to gas and bills. It is almost impossible to live in the area on just the military BAH. They explained that a little in the class but not as much as they should have. When you tell people that they will be making 1941 every two weeks they sort of ignore everything else.

  Shan, it is a good thing you are getting married in four days (congrats) because you have been together too long hahaha 

  I just don't see the big deal about waiting a few years. It's not like I am buying a car, I am making a family. I want to be sure that it's going to be a good one.

  We had two people in the class actually say they were going to wait to get married after all the info. IF you ask me it was probably the fact that you would make less being married than you would being single OR the being discharged for a contract marriage.

  I felt so old there, I'm 22 FI is 24 and we were the oldest people in the room. 

  Wish, I wanted to be interviewed too! I was really hoping for it. I guess since we have been together for 3 years and they have never had any problems with me (You'd be amazed at some of the problems gfs give), they left it alone.

  It's not madatory for you to go GG it is "strongly suggested." Your FI does have to though. I completely agree, the extra money doesn't even cover my Student Loan Payments.

  
  

  Sadly I will be seeing this woman again. Her FI is my FIs jr Marine -_- but at least it won't be more than 4 times a year.
  
  anyone know if you can report contract marriages? If so to who?

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I honestly can't afford the day off of work. I am using 2 pto days for my wedding, thats out of state. That's it. Then I will be using an unpaid day off to change over my name and get enrolled in everything after my marriage license comes back. It will suck for FI, but I don't know what else to do. I just started a new job I can't keep taking unpaid days off, one because I'm on probation for a year, and 2. I can't afford it.
  
  FI and I have technically known each other since we were about 5, but only dating for 4 years. For 2 of those 4 he has been in the Marines. I honestly think people are clueless about costs of living and bills. And, if you felt old there, how will I feel haha? I'm going to be 28!

  

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• greeneke2

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  ggirl- I could be wrong but I think it really depends on your fiance's unit.  Not all units actually require that class.  You should have your fiance ask his higher ups what the process is in his unit.

  

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Good call Green, I will make him ask. I'm not too worried about it either way. I mean, people do have careers, I'm assuming they somewhat understand that haha.

  

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• Alice and Les

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  GG- green is right, they are still working on making it madatory throughout the Marine Corps. He might not have to go depending on his command. 

  Most people don't want to worry about the "after the wedding" life. When I was working, before I quit to take care of my grandparents, I made more than FI. Fact is if you do the math, they get paid less than minimum wage. 

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