My problem is actually threefold.
First of all, my sister was my maid of honor in my first wedding. This time, my daughter will be. My sister has been so awful where my fiance is concerned, I'm not even asking her to be in the wedding. I don't know if she knows that or not. If she apologizes to him profusely and sincerely, maybe. I just don't see how I can in good conscience, ask her to be in my wedding party when she has treated him so badly, and I don't know what to say if it comes up. She feels her reasons for her treatment of him are legitimate, so I don't know how to make her see that she's in the wrong.
Second of all, I'm from the South and all of my family lives there, in a few different states. I just moved to the NYC area and am planning to get married in Tappan. Recently my sister asked me if I was still planning to get married at home. I had considered this when we moved, as we have a lot of friends there, or so I thought at the time. Hardly any of them have stayed in touch or asked how we're doing, and I'm on Facebook everyday.
So I said No, I don't want the added stress of planning a wedding from a distance. No one has time to help me, anyway. We originally thought we would get married on Tybee Island in GA, but that, too proved to be too hard. And this is New York...why would I want to get married in Charlotte when I can get married here?
Well, I could hear her asshole pucker over the phone. She actually said, "Well, if you don't get married here, it's going to make it really hard on us. It's going to be very difficult for all of us (her, her husband and FOUR sons) to travel that far, and Ken will have to take time off work."
Umm...WHAT?
Is it just me or is she being, well, selfish? (That's a rhetorical question) I can't believe she actually said that. Or maybe I can. My sister, for some unknown reason, thinks that the world SHOULD revolve around her, although she knows full well that it doesn't. And I'M usually a lot more practical than she is, but this is MY wedding, and I'm throwing some practicality out the window for once.
I'm going home for 3 weeks to see my kids while my fiance finds us an apartment, and I'm worried that this will come up and she'll bully me about it.
Also, if she DOES decide to make the effort to come, I don't want her boys to come. One of them is her 11 year old step son, whom she is constantly riding and chastising about his behavior, and the other three will be 4, 3 and not quite 2 at the time of our wedding. Despite her efforts to (not literally) beat the freewill out of them, they are not very well-behaved, and I don't see that changing over the next year. One of them is quite an imp and VERY headstrong. I adore my nephews but what I DON'T want is any spankings, whining, or crying at my wedding or reception, or any sniping back and forth between my sister and brother-in-law (who usually gets stuck with the chasing and the feeding at these affairs.). Also, at about $100 head, I can't afford for them to all come anyway.
But I can't just tell her not to bring them. These boys are her "attention getters" and she will whine and fuss about not being able to find people to take care of them, and my mother will probably take her side. I just can't stand the thought of these kids ruining my wedding. She insisted on bringing them to my father's funeral this past October and they were AWFUL.
But wait, there's more! Ha ha ha. My fiance recently reconnected with HIS sister...they never had a falling out or anything, they had just grown apart. We spent some quality time with her and her family over Christmas...he has a 4 year old nephew and a one year old nephew, both of whom are very well-behaved. He really wants for them to come. Can I get by with this by having the older one as our ring bearer, and playing dumb about the younger one?
I just don't know how to stand up to my sister and not feel guilty and selfish about it for once. She's really good at making me feel that way, when I shouldn't. I don't want to be talked into something I'm gonna hate myself for later.
I think this is more of a rant than anything...I'm not sure anyone can actually help me with this.