Work gifts and what not

Re: Work gifts and what not

• KBSK12

  

  August 2012

  I can see where you're coming from, BUT... remember that in the end, all that matters is that you'll be married to FI.  Weddings call for a lot of celebration, but you shouldn't expect parties/gifts, etc. Although, like I said, I do see why you feel hurt because another CW received these things. Just try to take it in stride and remember the important things in life aren't things! I hope you feel better!

  

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• ANM2012

  

  August 2012

  That's a bummer!  I hope it gets better.  Who knows they may be throwing you something after the wedding/honeymoon! Don't stress!

  

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• hoffse member

  

  August 2012

  You may be getting something in September - if your boss is gone on multiple trips this month, there may not have been a good time to plan that sort of thing with everything else that's going on in your boss's life.

  
  

  I get being bummed, but weddings really aren't about the presents.  I like presents as much as the next girl, and I'll admit I'm excited to (hopefully) finally have towels and bedding that matches, but try to think more long-term here.  Your marriage is what is important, and while the wedding industry makes you feel like your life is leading up to this one day, it's really not.  Slightly off topic, but FI and I are delaying our HM for about a month for several reasons - but one of which is that it sort of gives us something to look forward to after the wedding week. We're calling it our HM but it's distinctly separate from everything else that's wedding-related.  I found it much much easier to not be disappointed when things don't go as I planned/dreamed because I am now excited about something AFTER our wedding, not just the wedding itself.

  
  

  Last thing is that a lot of wedding-type stuff doesn't go as you think it will.  We found registering to be not nearly as fun as expected - I actually have a lot of anxiety about it, and the clerks in the stores hovered and/or grilled us about our choices.  It was not what I was hoping.  I found my dress off the rack - 4th one I tried on - and so I didn't get that boutique wedding dress shopping experience I always though I'd have.  Sort of a bummer, but ultimately it saved me several thousand dollars so there's a silver lining there.  Just try to focus on what is important and don't get so caught up in the "dream" that the wedding industry and other people make you have.  Here the problem is your co-worker who has gotten a lot of attention.  Try to realize that there are things in your life that are probably going better than things in hers and focus on you/your FI instead of watching what is happening to other people.

  

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• dazyabbey

  

  August 2012

  Yeah if I were you I would be really upset too. That sucks. I think that unfortunatly nothing on here is going to help you feel better. Hopefully they are planning something for after your honeymoon/wedding and it probably isn't on purpose. They know you are getting married but it all depends on what is going on and I am sure getting ready to leave for all of those other things is probably really stressful. Just calm down and try to realize that you are going to marry a great guy and have an amazing trip!

  
  06.09.2012

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• i2012do member

  

  August 2012

  thanks ladies
  I'm trying not to focus on it. It just seems like favoritism and I feel like I work really hard and its such a small office it doesnt take much to t hrow something together. Like we can't even call in a Pizza and take 20 minutes to celebrate? It was a total bummer
  
  I just left for the day.
  
  As for my boss, we travel a lot in our industry especially overseas so its just another day to her with all the traveling, its not like its something so out of the ordinary-- in fact, she just came back from the olympics on Wed and was in the office yesterday and today...
  
  I was just kind of bummed. I thought my coworkers would shoow a little enthusiasm. I just always seem to get the crappy end of things- like tey forgot my bday but we celebrated everyone elses. but because mine was on a monday this year everyone forgot- and it makes me feel kinda crummy in general.
  
  A small office is a lot like a family, so it feels like ia m the wicked step sister and everyone else gets to have fun and be celebrated
  
  ho hum
  thanks for understanding
  

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• hoffse member

  

  August 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_work-gifts-and-what-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a0c8e652-6c4f-41ef-8e20-4732803a63a6Post:a8aaa6c9-cbbb-4a81-84f4-0f82767867f3">Re: Work gifts and what not</a>:
  [QUOTE]thanks ladies I'm trying not to focus on it. It just seems like favoritism and I feel like I work really hard and its such a small office it doesnt take much to t hrow something together. Like we can't even call in a Pizza and take 20 minutes to celebrate? It was a total bummer I just left for the day. As for my boss, we travel a lot in our industry especially overseas so its just another day to her with all the traveling, its not like its something so out of the ordinary-- in fact, she just came back from the olympics on Wed and was in the office yesterday and today... I was just kind of bummed. I thought my coworkers would shoow a little enthusiasm. I just always seem to get the crappy end of things- like tey forgot my bday but we celebrated everyone elses. but because mine was on a monday this year everyone forgot- and it makes me feel kinda crummy in general. A small office is a lot like a family, so it feels like ia m the wicked step sister and everyone else gets to have fun and be celebrated :( ho hum thanks for understanding<div>Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]</div><div>
  </div><div>OK I get a better sense of why you are extra bummed here.  They are pretty thoughtless, I have to admit.</div><div>
  </div><div>OP, maybe you can plan something fun with your FI for the month or so after your wedding?  I really can't emphasize enough how much that has helped when things about wedding planning have bummed me out.  It's been so nice to know that we're escaping for a week once the wedding pressure is off, and it gives me something to be excited about when the wedding planning feels like pulling teeth (like today I'm trying to get times for venues set in stone... and that involves contacting like 5 people who don't feel like responding, grrr....).  It's also fun because you'll still be newlyweds and can toast your new marriage.  </div><div>
  </div><div>Sometimes I wonder if all the drama around weddings is worth it (even though I'm steeped in it myself!) - it's much nicer to start your married life together with money in your pocket and excitement about looking ahead than debt from a very expensive event and being bummed about all the compromises you had to make and the people who didn't follow through!  So my advice is to give yourselves something to look forward to after all the hubbub has died down, even if it's just a weekend away.  Plan it just for the two of you so it's exactly how you want it, and don't involve anybody else so they can't let you down.
  
  </div>

  

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• APDSS22 member

  

  August 2012

  I'd be bummed as well.  *Internet hugs*. 

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• spartybride3 member

  

  August 2012

  I feel your pain...at my work I sat through 4 years of weddings & babies & when it came to be my shower I was like really? That's it? It wasn't on the scale of other people's so I was particularly bummed. I know its not supposed to be all about the presents, but when you see all these other people get a lot of gifts & you don't get as much its kind of like what the heck!?

  
  

  Maybe they will do something when your boss gets back. It seems like she's traveling a lot and it just might not be on her mind. Or, she may have told someone to do something closer to your wedding since she will not be there to do it herself. 

  

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• NO2012

  

  August 2012

  I would totally be bummed and my feelings hurt too. We actually had our work shower last night FI and I work together and to be honest I was a little disappointed in how last minute thrown together it was. But then again I am usually the one who plans way ahead and organizes and puts a lot of effort into those type of things and I guess I can't expect everyone to do the same for me in return. They insisted on a theme shower and made it a Honey Do shower and we literally ended up with many, many tool sets which we already had doubles of at home to begin with. I couldn't believe that no one conferred with each other or asked me if FI already had a tool set. And there was not a single gift receipt included either, so I guess we will be switching professions to become handymen. Haha. I tell you this to hopefully make you feel better and remind us both that it's not about the gifts, etc. But I do feel you that since it's the thought that counts, some or any thought would be nice. Another thought that came in to my head when reading your post was us your assistant sleeping with your boss??

  

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• smartn2sexy08

  

  August 2012

  I often find that its the people that work the hardest and complain the least that get the least appreciated. Its really a shame. However I am also a true believer that people treat you the way that you allow them to. I wouldn't say anything now because as many have already said they may have something planned for when you come back, and it also best to not confront a situation when your upset and stressed out. Wait til you get back andsee what happens. Give it a couple of weeks. Then if nothing still doesn't happen talk to your boss. Make sure they understand how you feel, and over emphasize that its not about the gifts. Make sure you get through the point that its about feeling appreciated and valued in your job. You can't expect people to change if you never tell them something is wrong.

  ?We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.? ~ Buddha

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• freebread03 member

  

  August 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_work-gifts-and-what-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a0c8e652-6c4f-41ef-8e20-4732803a63a6Post:c80edfec-b6ac-4c44-91d2-079af4230662">Re: Work gifts and what not</a>:
  [QUOTE]I<em> often find that its the people that work the hardest and complain the least that get the least appreciated. </em>Its really a shame. However I am also a true believer that people treat you the way that you allow them to. I wouldn't say anything now because as many have already said they may have something planned for when you come back, and it also best to not confront a situation when your upset and stressed out. Wait til you get back andsee what happens. Give it a couple of weeks.<em> Then if nothing still doesn't happen talk to your boss. </em>Make sure they understand how you feel, and over emphasize that its not about the gifts. Make sure you get through the point that its about feeling appreciated and valued in your job. You can't expect people to change if you never tell them something is wrong.
  Posted by smartn2sexy08[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I totally agree with your first point--people who don't "need" any attention or help (or supervision, whatever) sometimes don't get any attention.  It's hard to remember that no attention is actually a good thing because it means that people trust you and know you don't need positive reinforcement to do a good job.  But that's sort of besides the point...it doesn't make being treated differently feel any better.  Unfortunately I think OP just needs to get over it (but no, it's not "fair" and its not cool).</div><div>
  </div><div>To your second point, talking to her boss seems like a ridiculous suggestion. I don't see any way that doesn't come off as whiny and weak even though that wouldn't be her intention.</div>

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• i2012do member

  

  August 2012

  thakns i appreciate that kind words. I just kind of wanted to vent because I was bummed.
  I would NEVER bring this up to my boss after the fact, but I appreciate the suggestion. It's not really a "work related" thing and I wouldn't want to look like I'm being a baby.
  
  I already cried once at work about a year ago and I still regret it everyday (after my coworker told me that perhaps I should start shedding for the wedding in not so many nice words....)
  
  I completely feel that when you are competent and can work alone without being micro managed you are def. taken for granted, which i guess is a compliment and annoying all at the same time!

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• souptin member

  

  August 2012

  My previous office was the same way.
  
  Small group of people and birthdays, special event and the like were celebrated with a lot of pomp and circumstance...we once had an office party for a girl because she got a puppy...honestly
  
  but when it came to my birthday or any big news I was announcing...I got squat or next to it.
  
  I totally get where you are coming from, for me it wasn't about the gift either it was simply about people showing that you actually matter to them.
  
  sending hugs to you

  

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