this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Just Engaged and Proposals
Just Engaged and Proposals
New Discussion

California transplant- where to have the wedding?

DustinAndTrishDustinAndTrish
First Comment
in Just Engaged and Proposals
 My fiancé and I live in California, but my immediate and extended family live in the midwest. I know it's tradition to have the wedding in the woman's hometown, but planning a wedding from a distance seems like a nightmare. I was thinking of planning our ceremony and reception here (and inviting my huge family) but also throwing a smaller, less expensive party in my city for guests who can't travel (i.e. my 95 year-old grandma). My fiancé is great and is up for anything. But now I'm wondering if that's excessive and would look like I'm a gift-hungry attention-seeking brat, when I really just want to include everyone in the celebration. 

Is anyone in a similar situation? What are you doing? Help!!
Report Reply to Post

Re: California transplant- where to have the wedding?

  • PrincessJasPrincessJas member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    If you really want to have your wedding in your hometown, at least your family is still there to help you out with planning (and you're already familiar with the city), but it's perfectly fine and understandable to have the wedding where you currently live.  Is there any way you could have a family member escort your grandmother to the wedding (or is she unable to leave for medical reasons?).  

    If you decide to have a party in your hometown in addition to the ceremony and reception in CA, keep the party a family affair, as it sounds like your family member is the only reason you're having a dilemma about this.  Invite everyone you otherwise would to the ceremony and reception (if they don't want to travel, that's their deal and it's not your responsibility to throw a party conveniently close to them), and then have a family party in your hometown so all of your relatives can meet your new husband (without knowing the specifics, I imagine family members would understand the circumstances and that this wasn't an effort for a second gift).  In short, have the ceremony and reception where you want them, but don't divy up friends and guests into "special" and "not special enough to be invited to the ceremony and reception, but invited to the after-party".  However reasonable your motives are, it wouldn't come across as polite.
    Report Reply
  • DustinAndTrishDustinAndTrish
    First Comment
    Hey Jas, thanks for the reply! It's nce to get feedback from someone outside of the situation. It'd be hard for my grandma to come out because she's pretty frail, and although I don't believe there are medical reasons, I doubt a doctor would think it's a good idea.

    I see what you're saying about two guest lists. Even my husband-to-be suggested that people might not make the trip, knowing that the could celebrate in St. Louis. I would definitely invite everyone to the ceremony and reception, knowing that some family members and several friends would make the trip. I guess what I was thinking was like a "honeymoond send-off" at a venue with hors d'oeuvres but much less formal. I like what you said about just making it a family affair, as that would come across more like a time for everyone to meet. I've been peeking around the boards and googling it, and I'm surprised that it looks like so few people are in similar situations!

    Thanks again Jas. I appreciate your thoughts. And good luck at the Longhorn half Ironman! :)
    Report Reply
  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My aunt and uncle did this, as they were in Dallas, and she was from North Dakota. They got married in ND, and had a party back in Dallas. The main thing is that everyone was invited to both parties, so no one felt left out and had the option to go to both if they so chose (most didn't except close family). And she didn't wear her dress in Dallas, just a white summer dress.
    It was a fairytale. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • DustinAndTrishDustinAndTrish
    First Comment
    hey cwaggoner07! I appreciate your post too. I really do like the idea of having a big traditional wedding/reception and an additional event in my city. The few friends I've talked to have been supportive, but it's so hard to tell if they're just being my friends or if it's a good idea! At first I thought a reception and additional, casual event sounded fine, but the few posts I've read about it made it sound like a not-so-hot idea. So I really appreciate this thread to get your (and Jas's) unbiased true opinions and ways to make it more acceptable. It's realy helpful!
    Report Reply
  • Chels&JimmyChels&Jimmy member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    FI and I live in San Diego. He's from Michigan and I'm from Hawaii. We decided to have our wedding here in San Diego for two main reasons: (1) I didn't want to deal with planning our wedding in another city or state, and (2) it's basically in the middle of Michigan and Hawaii, so our families would be traveling about the same distance. No other parties or wedding celebrations for us. We don't have the funds and I don't want to plan something else. But I think it's totally fine to plan a celebration at a later date! Just don't make it a "second wedding" or have a do-over "ceremony"... it should just be a party for those who couldn't make it to your wedding. Serve food, show pictures, and have fun! 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • meshelleannmeshelleann
    First Comment
    I say when you have your OWN wedding, its ideally down to what both of you decide. Don't worry about what others think. If it makes ya'll happy then do it!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards