In Defense of Brides Who Have Child-Free Weddings

bsidebella · January 2012

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/131708/in_defense_of_brides_who Great, funny and true article. I laughed out loud at certain parts. TL;DR - Dear self-righteous mom, the wedding is about the bride and groom, not about your kids. Get a sitter or don't come. EDIT: This article is not about how no one should have kids at their weddings ever, it's to help explain to crazy moms that child free weddings are okay and to not get uppity over it.

DanieKA · January 2012

This was pretty funny! And fair. Moms should understand if the wedding is child-free, and the bride should understand if those guests can't attend. Friendships/relationships in tact. We're all adults! Well, you'd think it'd be that easy. Good link!

Swazzle · January 2012

Nooooooooooo the article/site it's on is blocked at work

beanbot2002 · January 2012

I've been to both 'child friendly' and 'child free' weddings. Both have been wonderful experiences. In the one's where children were welcome, Little Bean was a ring bearer both times. The child free ones were great fun and I got to get silly with a few adult drinks etc.

I have never felt like "UGH! WHY CAN'T MY AWESOME SAUCE SON TAG ALONG??? He is FAR more mature than most 9 yr olds and is more like a short adult! How dare you not invite his superior self along! HOW DARE YOU!" But then again, I'm not crazy...so there's that.

DanieKA · January 2012

Reposted for those at work/site is blocked. Sorry if it's long/formats weird. I just copy/pasted.There's nothing like planning a wedding to make a girl just want to give up and elope already. The fights with the in-laws over the seating chart, the fights with the bridesmaids over the dresses, and then there are the fights with the moms.I'm not talking about the mom of the groom or the mom of the bride (though those two will certainly give your stress level a run for its money), I'm talking about all the moms you invite to the wedding (hereinafter Mom Guests). The ones who, for some inexplicable reason, think that your wedding is all about them. The ones who you will piss off beyond belief if you deign to do the unthinkable: Throw a child-free wedding (CFW).You will rue the day you decided on a CFW. That's right, I said rue.Did I mention elopement?Seriously, engaged ladies, if you're thinking of a CFW, you might just as well elope. Because by the time your Mom Guests (also known as your BFFs) are through with you, you're going to wish you never got married. Because you'll never want to have kids ... because you don't want to turn into a Mom Guest and give someone else a really hard time about what's supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives.But in keeping with the spirit of these Mom Guests, let's forget all about you and focus on them. Because if you haven't figured it out yet (but trust me, you will) your wedding day is ALL. ABOUT. THEM.So you ... you there, Mom Guest, might I have a word? I want to let you in on a little secret.I know this is really, really (really) hard to hear, but the Bride isn't revolving her entire wedding around you or even, probably, any of it. THE BRIDE ISN'T REVOLVING HER ENTIRE WEDDING AROUND YOU. No siree. She isn't. In fact, here's what else she's not doing.1. She's not scheduling her wedding for when it's most collectively convenient for all her guests. Like say, around when her second cousin has his annual golf weekend with his college buddies, or, say, around when you, Dear Mom Guest, have to attend your kid's soccer tournament. (It's okay, take a deep breath.) She's scheduling her wedding for her favorite month or a date that means something to her and her fiance. Your kid's soccer schedule really has nothing to do with it. I promise.2. She's not planning a "destination" wedding just so you have to deal with getting a babysitter.She's planning on having her Big Day in the Bahamas or Italy or New Orleans or in her own hometown (gasp!) or wherever it is that you don't personally live because that's WHERE SHE WANTS IT. You and your babysitter issues didn't even cross her mind when she decided in third grade where she was going to get married. She probably didn't even know you then. So if you want to go to the wedding (you know, because she's your friend, cousin, sister), get a babysitter to come to your home. Bring a babysitter with you to the destination. Call all the other Mom Guests and chip in to hire a local babysitter to watch the kids in one of the hotel rooms. Go to the wedding solo and have your husband/boyfriend/partner babysit the kids. There are plenty of options. If you choose not to exercise them, that's your problem not the bride's. A destination wedding doesn't make someone even close to being a Bridezilla. It certainly creates a lot of Mom Guest-zillas though.3. She's not expecting you to call her and ask if you can bring your kids (whose names don't appear on the invitation) to the wedding. Note the word "not." Seriously. She's not. So don't. Under any circumstances. No matter how close you are. Just don't. Seriously. Put down the phone.4. She's not planning a CFW because she 'hates" kids. In fact, she probably adores them. Might even be planning to push out a few of her own some day. Her CFW should not be taken as an affront to kids everywhere. So don't turn it into one. Maybe the bride simply doesn't think her dream wedding -- an 8 pm to midnight black-tie cocktail party in a rented high-priced mansion -- is a good place for kids. But what does she know? She's not even a mom yet. (Really Mom Guest? Really? She "hates" kids? Come. Fucking. On.)5. She's not thinking about you. At all. I know this is the one that might be hardest for you to hear. But the bride is thrilled to be engaged and getting married. She's in love. She's found the man/woman of her dreams and is planning the wedding of her dreams. She's doing what makes her happy. Your happiness is irrelevant and it should be. If you can't get a babysitter or make it to the wedding for another kid-related reason, just check off the little box on the wedding invite that says "Will Not Attend." It's that easy.This is the Bride's day not yours. Be a good friend, let her have it, and leave your kid at home. After all, it wasn't so long ago that you yourself were young and in love and planning your very own CFW.(And to you, Dear Bride, make a note to self to remember all this when you find yourself in the position of Mom Guest. The bride will thank you.)

alyaki · January 2012

This is hilarious. Thanks for sharing this!

HULU · January 2012

Haha, I'm just thankful that there's no children in either mine OR FI's family (with the exception of his sister's son, who is still an infant).

motoLyn · January 2012

Love it. I was thinking about a CFW but then my funny cutie pie niece wouldn't be able to attend. So I think I lucked out that traveling to Maui our friends have decided to leave their kids at home with relatives.

leia1979 · January 2012

I had a mostly child-free wedding, and I didn't run into problems. It was originally only going to be H's nieces and nephews in attendance, most of whom are either teens or in the WP.

I had two friends ask because they were having problem getting child care. My response to them was that I preferred it to be child-free, but if it came down to them attending with the kid or not attending at all, they should bring the kid. One person had to do this, and the baby was offsite with dad during the ceremony and just came for the reception.

ravenray · January 2012

I think that for the most part, my wedding will be CFW. I think there will be a few kids, but honestly I don't know that many people with kids.
I loved that article. E gets all up in arms about providing a baby sitter...

bsidebella · January 2012

Have any of you peeped the comments section of this article? Some serious catty mombies on there! One even had the audacity to say weddings aren't about the bride and groom and CFWs are selfish!

HULU · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_defense-of-brides-child-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ced235f4-6c20-4033-b3b3-8ce2de5d4a75Post:9d97d48e-1a2d-4338-b68f-23b57cebf018">Re: In Defense of Brides Who Have Child-Free Weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]Have any of you peeped the comments section of this article? Some serious catty mombies on there! One even had the audacity to say <strong>weddings aren't about the bride and groom</strong> and CFWs are selfish!
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wha? Did she say WHO, then, they WERE about?</div><div>
</div><div>Idiot.

</div>

DanieKA · January 2012

My favorite comments were from the moms who were like "My kids are ADORABLE at ALL THE WEDDINGS! And they are THE LIFE OF THE PARTY! You are selfish, selffish people!"

Kids can be adorable and it IS cute when they are dancing, but thinkng that your kids are the life of every party is a personal opinion, not a collective one. Of course we all think (or will think) our kids shiit sparkles and are everyone's most favoritest people EVA! But it's just not true.

bsidebella · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_defense-of-brides-child-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ced235f4-6c20-4033-b3b3-8ce2de5d4a75Post:c493ccc0-f374-4eae-8229-a5f5cb957cc1">Re: In Defense of Brides Who Have Child-Free Weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In Defense of Brides Who Have Child-Free Weddings : Wha? Did she say WHO, then, they WERE about? Idiot.
Posted by HULU[/QUOTE]

She said that they were about family, and family includes children, "whether they like it or not!"

I just can't even deal with that.

Thank God children aren't a huge issue with our families. FI's youngest cousin is 15 and my youngest cousin is 13, and almost none of our friens have kids. There's a time and a place for children, and sometimes, weddings are not it.

swhite2012 · January 2012

Those comments in the article really frustrate me. I don't get why people think it's ok to just assume their kids are invited if it doesn't say "and family". Luckily we don't have too many kids on either side. I am more worried about the people who assume they can bring as many people that they want, especially on my FI's side. For example: One of FI's cousins who he never sees got married last year. An invitation was sent to FI's parents and was "and family". FI is 23 and his brother is 17. FI's mom just assumed that FI could bring me as his date (we weren't even engaged yet), even though he didn't get his own invitation. I felt really bad having her do that and ask if I could come. I thought it was really rude of her, but that's just how their family works, and I'm worried about that kind of thing happening with our wedding where we will absolutely not be able to afford any extras.

Swazzle · January 2012

Thank you for posting Danie!

I loved that article. We're having a few kids, my nieces & nephews, FI's sisters, a couple of my cousins will still be young. I can already picture certain people writing in their kids names on their RSVP even though they weren't invited. Sigh.

Hazel_B · January 2012

Thank you so much for this. I'm dreading the moment when certain cousins just show up with their kids....sigh

wink0erin · January 2012

I worry about this for whenever I end up getting married... because there are a billion children in my family & BF's family. He has 7 nieces and nephews and I love all of them to pieces.

And don't get me started on cousins and friends. So many kids!

NurseyK · January 2012

Love this!

kaitlynmichelle · January 2012

Thanks for sharing! This is one of the things I'm not looking forward to dealing with when I'm engaged.

Simply Fated · January 2012

Not all kids are as adorable as their parents think they are. There is this one kids in my bf's family who is such a brat, but her mom thinks she's the greatest thing ever. On a sidenote, I started flipping around through other articles. This one really upset me... http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/2181/mom_confessions_our_children_arent I couldn't help but think how I would feel if my mom's boyfriend said that to me.

lavenderfields13 · January 2012

Hopefully this will not be an issue when BF and I get married someday as most my family weddings I've been to haven't been child friendly. I think most people will understand. Well,I hope anyways. I'm not particularly fond of children (other than babies) and do not want them at my wedding.

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