I'm so glad this is minimal

tropical.dreams · February 2011

When we first started planning this wedding, I was really glad that he wanted to do a small beach wedding just like I did. Just the thought of having to pour over books of invitations, deal with which flowers will look best in which area, and trying to coordinate 3 bridesmaids into the one style of dress they'll all like...made me want to throw up. I was engaged to someone else before I got married the first time, so this is actually the third wedding I've planned, and I just couldn't stand the thought of having to do it all AGAIN.

Were your views on your second wedding in any way affected by anything connected with the first one?

Marrin713 · February 2011

Well, my first was almost 30 years ago and being that the 'rents and the 'rents-in-law paid for everything, we mostly did it their way. Our vision (mine and xH's) was much different than theirs as we considered ourselves more hippies than anything else and certainly in no way conformists, but my parents were appalled by what we had in mind but we did not the have the money even for the simple ceremony/reception. And in the back of my mind, I did want the white dress and attendants along with the tuxes, but the rest of it...pfffft.

This time, new H and I did the civil ceremony at the courthouse with family in attendance. Actually everyone was invited, but since it was a Friday morning, many people could not make it. We ended up having a "wedding weekend" since several out of towners came in for wedding. So it was very nice. H and I hosted a BBQ at our home after the ceremony, and on Sunday evening we hosted a smallish reception at a local golf club for about 50 people. The coordinator at the club made all the arrangements. My best friend who is very artsy craftsy did the centerpieces - no real flowers since I'm allergic to so many varieties. We had heavy apps and we did a hosted bar. We also had a cake which the club provided through one of their vendors. We had music on an IPod, but no one danced......it was like a big cocktail party; everyone milling around talking and laughing. It was cool.

ETA: Holy crap Batman.....I did not answer your question did I? The two weddings were so far apart in years that I really don't think one had any bearing on the other.

Lisa50 · February 2011

I have planned this differently than the first wedding, but mostly as related to timeline. My first wedding (ex-husband and I paid for it) was planned in 4 months. When my second wedding (FI and I are paying for it) date rolls around, we will have been engaged for more than 18 months. Ugh!

The only thing I intentionally did not want to repeat: season of the wedding (first time, autumn wedding; this time, summer wedding). FI does not want to marry in the Church and, since I did not get my first marriage annulled, there's no issue.

So ... now I'm at the end of this post, wondering as did Marrin, have I answered your question?? LOL! I guess the short planning timeline of the first wedding has made me envious. I do not like having SO MUCH time to plan. I'm much more of a plan and do it kind of person ... not plan and wait to do it. Makes sense??

MikesAngie · February 2011

My last wedding I didn't plan anything, the date was set based on a concert that was happening... The xH made all the arrangements - extremely causal. We were hitched in a tavern, someone sneaked champagne in and we ate hamburgers and fries... I walked across the street and picked up a small cake for the 8 guests that were there. No pomp, no circumstance, a few of his friends, none of mine or my family... At the time of the wedding I had known my xH 6 months we were engaged just over 3 months ... I had wanted to wait 2 years he didn't. Lasted 1.5 years before he asked for a divorce the first time (at Christmas - and every year after for the first 4.5 years) ended at 10 years we were able to reconcile for about 4 years. .

This wedding is our dream wedding, and will be held one year after we got engaged, two years after we reunited. We both have been actively planning and preparing for this wedding. This wedding is the most formal wedding either of us has been in, and is exactly what we both want. We have known one another since just before my FI's 15th birthday. We have mutual respect for one another and truly are in love and love each other. Nothing about this wedding is predicated on our past relationships because it's all about us.

To me this is my first marriage because back 25 years ago it almost was... and my FI shares the same view.

mybooboos · February 2011

Very different - 1st wedding was at a court house, with a handful of friends, and lunch at a restaurant. He caught the stomach flu later in the day, and spent our "wedding night" hugging the toilet instead. It was an omen to the marriage.

2nd wedding - I've known my FI for 7 years, and when we get married, we will be engaged for 2 years. I enjoy the planning, since it's been pretty stress free (so far), and I'm quite anal about things. My outlook on life in general is different as well - much more laid back. Life's not perfect, and neither are people...but life is short...sometimes shorter than you've planned, so you should just enjoy what it has to offer and be as happy as you can be.

handfast4me · February 2011

Absolutely! I wore a tea length dress the first time that I designed and had made by a seamstress. I never tried on any other dresses, so I wanted that entire experience this time. Trying on dresses and finding one I liked turned into a nightmare. I should have just had a dress made, but oh well.

And, of course, the first time around, my folks had a GREAT deal of say in what happened. They had the checkbook, so they decided what type of wedding/recpetion I had. In the end, I really had none of the things I wanted in my wedding and reception.

This time, my folks were both deceased, and FI and I paid for everything--so we had no reception, and we had our ceremony just on the beach, just the two of us. It was still a bit stressful, but overall just a lot better, and more romantic than the first. :-)

right1thistime · February 2011

I enjoyed every minute of the planning, because DH and I did it together. @ my first, it was all my money, and 99% my planning. I was 22, so my event planning skills were a bit less fine tuned.

We chose not to do things that were stressful, and to enjoy planning the items we wanted to have. Not every thing was stress free (ask me about DIY invitations and an Fi who notices 1/32nd of an inch off centeredness), but it was done by choice, rather than by convention or because the knot checklist said we had to. ~Donna

ichellemay1 · February 2011

Definitely different for us... FI got married by a JOP the first time. I had the big to-do church wedding and dinner/dance reception. There were tons of people at my 1st wedding - many I didn't even know - invited by the ILs.

This time - we are paying for the majority of it - my parents are paying for the food at the reception (it is being held at a restaurant). We are having it where/when we want and having just a small group of friends and immediate family.

So, yes, our views are different. I think mine are moreso because I had so much pressure from my xILs before. They were the "bridezillas". I just want something relaxed and not pressured at all.

AbbeyS2011 · February 2011

Let me backtrack a bit, because your post made me think of something that until recently I have purposefully blocked out.

Met xH in 1994; in 1997, he asked me to marry him, I went and told family, and we started planning. My father gave me money for wedding - went out and bought a dress, and was kind of throwing things together, but still having this nagging feeling in my gut. Was sitting there one day addressing invites (cheap fill in the blank invites from a dollar store) when the exH looks at me and says - I cant go through with this. I cant get married. Dummy me, I pick up the phone and cancel everything and stay with him. Fast forward to 2002 - by now we have a son together and I am ready to leave him for good. Talks me into going to Iowa, so we do and we end up getting married out there, without calling and telling anyone in my family until after we are home a few weeks later, all part of his controlling of me. The wedding was thrown together by people I barely knew in 2 days - I wore a denim dress, and we got married in a barn in the middle of a cornfield.

This time: FH has been very supportive and encouraging of me through the planning process. When I told him I want my dream church wedding with the gown and all, he says for me to do what will make me happy. There are times when he could care less about the wedding planning, but he is getting excited about us getting married, and gives me his opinion when I ask for it about things.

And yes, this wedding definitely has been affected by my first one - I even switched our wedding date because it was originally for June 11th, and my exH and I met on January 11th, and he used to want to celebrate the day we met every month, so that was just too creepy for me. This time, I know I am marrying my soul mate - sounds silly, but I know we belong together.

thealphabride · February 2011

I knew when I married the first time it wasn't right.

Funny thing is, the same exact thing happened to my hubby. He knew it wasn't right. He was mortified to marry the first time, because deep down he knew it wasn't right. He was pressured into getting engaged, then the wedding train immediately started rolling down the track and he chose not to stop it.

The first time I was prego, so more worried about "doing the right thing" (get married to the father) which was the totally wrong thing to do in every way!!!!

We both knew it was totally right this time around and we will be together forever.

THIS TIME I wanted to celebrate our love with the special wedding, ...........

The first time around I had no desire to have a big wedding with guests. I was ok with going to the courthouse.

So to answer your question, yes the first experience affected the second.

I finally had my dream wedding to my prince.

AND after 6 months we are still happily married HA!

))))

fireytiger · February 2011

Yes, my first marriage definitely had an impact on how I wanted to do things this time around! The first time, I'd originally WANTED the wedding i'm getting now, but my ex was in the military and had me utterly convinced that if we didn't get married RIGHT THEN, then we'd have been apart for years and years. He was just out of boot camp and tech school when he did this, and I'd been totally miserable for months without him around, I couldn't imagine dealing with YEARS! So I went along with it. We got married on a Friday morning by a JOP, with just two of our friends and my parents. Nobody showed up to the "reception" afterwards either. The few little things that I wanted to squeeze in (my dream dress, the colour scheme I wanted, etc) didn't end up happening. My MOH actually forced me to change my wedding colour to purple instead of red, because "she liked the purple dress better". My gown was a David's Bridal 100 dollar gown, and it wasn't one that I was totally in love with.

THIS time, I was adamant that I would have the wedding I wanted before, with a dress that I loved, the people most important to both FI and I. I LOVE my wedding dress, my colour scheme is red, and most of the people I care about most will be there this time.

I'm so glad this is minimal

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