Compensating Ceremony Musicians (who happen also to be friends)

Re: Compensating Ceremony Musicians (who happen also to be friends)

• Meg1036

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  2) I would ask the pianist and cantor about their rates.  You are absolutely right that they might balk, but to me, it would be much more embarassing to under pay them because you did not ask.  FWIW, our cantor was a personal friend of my mom's; she would not allow us to pay her, but she did accept a gift card we gave her for a nice restaurant (honestly, in approximately the same amount she charges).
  
  3) My mom is active in choirs, and is normally pretty happy to sing as part of the choir for someone's wedding (for free)  if she knows the someone.  I don't think, in that case, they will expect compensation.
  
  Finally, I'm not sure of the best way to handle it because I see where you're coming from, but inviting some of the musicians but not all to the RD is a bit awkward.  It's probably not a big deal if the non-invited musicians are not at the rehearsal (actually, none of my musicians were, so they were not invited to the RD) - but its slightly awkward if half of them leave the rehearsal for the RD, and half of them go home.
  

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• professorscience member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  If you're going to hire some people who are non-friends, it might be reasonable to just pay your friends at an equal rate.  Our organist fee was $300, but it increases if you include musicians whose fees are higher.  So since our harpist was $350, we paid $350 for the organist as well.
  
  I agree that you should just ask the rates.  They are professionals, and even though they are your friends, it is still the right thing to pay them for the job they do.

  

  
  

  
  

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• lalaith50 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I love this question! I'm both a professional church musician who sometimes gets asked to play for friends weddings, AND I'm having friends play the organ and be a choir for my own wedding!

  
  

  When I'm asked to play for friend's weddings, I tell them right upfront that "unfortunately I do charge my full fee even for friends," and I tell them what it is, and that I'm not at all offended if they want to look for someone else. (I both much prefer attending a wedding without the stress of being the musician, especially if I have to do extra rehearsing with other musicans whom I'm not familiar with, as well as I would probably not give a gift that is $200, which is what my services are "worth.") Although I know many musicians are glad to do music for their friends and have it count as their gift, I've definitely regretted it once I realize how much work can be involved when I've done that for free in the past!

  
  

  So to answer your questions, most important is to communicate with them. 

  
  

  Like you said, #1 is easy. 

  
  

  For #2, I have people in the exact same situation, so here's what I said, "I'm so honored that you're willing to take part of your day off and help us with the music! Of course we are planning on paying you, so I was wondering what you normally charge to do music for weddings." 

  They will most likely refuse to tell you and say that no payment is necessary and they are glad to do it. (That's what my person said.)

  
  

  For #3, I think your idea of a cd is perfect. But, they may also be unsure about whether you will understand if they would like to not give you a gift due to their service/extra time, whatever, so it would be very nice for you to be the one to bring it up. (rather than wondering if you will wonder why they didn't give a gift!)

  Here's what I asked people like that: "I know for me personally, it can be awkward when friends ask me to do music for their weddings, since I'm normally paid for it, so I was wondering if you would like to be paid in any way, or I would be more than glad if this was just your wedding gift to us." 

  The response is most likely, "Please don't worry about paying, but thanks for asking." (or you could obviously combine my responses to #2 and #3 somehow. The reason I said the part about "I'm usually paid for weddings" in #3 is so that they would understand why I was asking.)

  
  

  I haven't gotten here yet, but I'm pretty sure that I'm still going to give everyone a gift card to Applebees or something, and possibly extra money to the one professional musician who is more a friend of my mom's and less of mine.

  

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Our musician (piano and vocals) was a casual friend (someone I've known for a long time, but am not particularly close to). She charged $150 instead of $200 without being prompted at her "friends" rate.
  
  Honestly, I would just ask what the charge is and go from there. If they balk, give them a very nice gift card or similar. If they don't, give them what they ask.

  

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