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mattylovesmilly · February 2012

Hello!

I just got engaged this weekend, so I thought I'd introduce myself here. My fiancee and are both teachers, so we are hoping to have an August 2012 wedding. We put a call in to his home parish priest this weekend, and we're hoping to meet with him this week.

Can any of you share any insights about the marriage preparation process, particularly if you had a short engagement?

Thanks, and nice to meet you all!

newlyseliski · February 2012

Congratulations and welcome to the board, Emily! I can't say that I'd be able to offer advice from personal experience of wedding prep in a short timeframe, but I did have several friends that had engagements of 6 months or less.

For marriage prep, I'd start NFP classes ASAP if you're planning on those! It can be a bit challenging to get the hang of those at first. Most Mpls/St. Paul parishes will require you to attend an Engaged Ecounter or "Living God's Love" pre-cana retreat, so make sure to schedule that as soon as you can, too, because I hear they fill up quickly.

The benefit of a short engagement for the wedding planning aspect is that you know your time is limited, so there's less temptation to be indecisive about actual wedding details. Go for off-the-rack samples or ready-to-wear for dresses, delegate to willing friends and family and don't unecessarily complicate things for yourself :-) I definitely complicated things too much for myself... the more details that you have up in the air close to the wedding, the more difficult it is to get overly stressed out and lose focus on the marriage!

As a somewhat recent Twin Cities bride myself, let me know if you need any recommendations for vendors, venues, etc. My head is still ridiculously full of useless wedding information :-) The local Minneapolis-St. Paul board is also really helpful for that!

UPDATE: Per lalaith's post below... I think that most parishes from what I recall with my friends' situations required a minimum of 6 months waiting period in the Mpls/St. Paul archdiocese! They might be willing to allow less if you and your fiance had participated in any marriage discernment counseling, spiritual direction or preparation prior to engagement, though... but I don't know of too many exceptions made!

lalaith50 · February 2012

In case you weren't aware, most dioceses have a set "engagement period" length. (usually 6, 9 or even 12 months.) My diocese required 9 months, but we were able to do it in 7 b/c my priest knew us really well. (However, he did come up to me a couple months before the wedding and say, "hey, how come you guys aren't being engaged for 9 months?" I was like, "oh no you don't, Father, we already discussed this..." :-P ) So it really is completely up to the priest's discretion, but I know most priests are pretty strict about it, unless you can show there is a really good reason to get married earlier.

So good luck meeting with your priest! I hope you can talk to him soon!

Sorry, I don't really have any other observations about a short engagement...

I was able to do everything in 7 months, but I was only working like 20 hours a week, and by the last 2 months I wasn't working at all. I don't know how other brides have done it!

ETA: Also, great advice, newly!

Calypso1977 · February 2012

our engagement was just shy of 7 months. you have plenty of time.
all of our big stuff was planned within the first one-two months.

our pre cana only took about 6 weeks, although it was just 3 meetings with the priest, no formal program.

mattylovesmilly · February 2012

Thanks, all!

Newly, your bio is awesome! Thanks for the offer of help--I might just have to take you up on that.

Are there any specific things I should make sure to cover during our first meeting with the priest?

bibliophile2010 · February 2012

Welcome!

Your priest will likely lead the converstaion to cover the basics that he wants covered. I would go in with specific questions if you have them. Make sure you establish whether the short engagement will even be possible in your diocese, even if you don't get to set a date right away.

I would also have an honest converstion with your fiance about alternative plans (long weekends? Winter break?) in case August doesn't work out.

ellen73 · February 2012

We were engaged mid-December, set date late January, and got married the last weekend in July.   It's totally doable (and I was working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week if I wasn't traveling & was applying for jobs in DHs city/my former city).   We were living in two different cities (6 hours apart) and got married in yet a third city. That made the six months slightly challenging. We did pre-cana through the parish I was a member of at the time & a family friend celebrated our wedding for us. Also- getting married on a Friday made finding vendors for everythign a bit easier than if we had gotten married on a Saturday.

I agree with newly about not having time for indecision.   We talked to the church & the priest & decided on a hall all in one weekend.  For the reception, we went with somewhere familiar & where we knew the caterer well (and lucky for us they had just renovated, too) & where we knew we wouldn't have to worry about the quality of service. Everything was fantastic.

We did Pre-Cana throughout Feb, March & April.  We met with the priest at my parish 3-4 times & did a pre-Cana day through my parish.  And then met with the family friend priest in January, May (sorta; he was at my parents anniversary party and we ended up chatting about wedding stuff) & July.   We read through parts of the Together for Life book whenever we were actually in the same city (usually every other week). I know I wanted to talk about the Mass itself the first meeting... and I don't think we really ever did in person until the rehearsal.   We sent the readings we picked & had a phone conversation about music (we had a traditional irish group play- so the music was a little different than most).

Brief Timeline of the major tasks:
January: talk to the church & book reception hall
Feb: pre-cana day, my dress & bridesmaids dresses
March: Register & book photographer
April: Veil & invitations & Shower #1 (my fam) & Tuxes & cake tastings
May: Invitations & Shower #2 (DHs fam) & apply for jobs & flowers
June: Dress fittings, hair trials & Shower #3 (our friends) & apply for jobs/interviews
July: more interviews & packing up apt.
Week before wedding: (ended one job, got a contract for a new job!) and most of the DIY (had designed it prior, just needed to print & assemble).
For two weeks after the wedding: Sleep. (we didnt' go on a honeymoon right away, and I wasn't starting my new job for a month and I slept 12 hours a night for about two weeks straight

.

We created a gmail account right away- and used that for all wedding stuff as well as for to-do lists & calendars. We also delegated. My family (immediate + cousins) were awesome. We had lists on the g-mail account that people could check & offer advice or take care of for us. You will have people that want to help- let them. Don't worry too much about the details (I am somewhat of a perfectionist... but I knew I couldn't be if I wanted to have people help

).

Congratulations & good luck!!

jfellows82 · February 2012

Welcome to the board! I don't have much to add to everyone's suggestions, but wanted to say hi and congrats

Tami87 · February 2012

Just wanted to say welcome. I have a fairly long engagement (1.5 years) so I'm not much help with the rest.

professorscience · February 2012

Welcome and congrats!

I had a long engagement, so I am no help, but I think a short engagement is totally the way to go.

Ciardasully · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_new-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:2c255ea1-bc4d-452c-b39b-ab8748d9e1e1Post:26613da5-128d-4509-9496-2ed7a684e16b">New here!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello! I just got engaged this weekend, so I thought I'd introduce myself here. My fiancee and are both teachers, so we are hoping to have an August 2012 wedding. We put a call in to his home parish priest this weekend, and we're hoping to meet with him this week. Can any of you share any insights about the marriage preparation process, particularly if you had a short engagement? Thanks, and nice to meet you all!
Posted by mattylovesmilly[/QUOTE]

Welcome to the Board and Congratulations!

TeaForMe · February 2012

Welcome! I'm also a Twin Cities gal so may be able to help with some location-specific info, too. We did not have a short engagement so I can't tell you much from that end (thought I would have loved it as I'm a get-it-done-ASAP type myself..)

Congrats and good luck!

Resa77 · February 2012

Congrats and welcome! I'm another longer engagement gal (it'll be 13 months), but others have offered some good advice so hopefully that'll be helpful to you!

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