Not Engaged Yet

RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so

Just remember when you used to be like us NEYs...dreaming about being proposed to, talking wedding with your SO, planning your happy lil hearts away.

<rant>Just because you've managed to do that stuff and are now married does not give you the right to be excessively judgemental and harsh towards those of us who are yet to have our special days! Also consider that some of us have circumstances that make being engaged right now a bit difficult, although we are otherwise ready. </rant>

Anyone else feeling the same?

I'm a lil bit tired of being judged for being on here despite my naked ring finger. I never did the whole plan your dream wedding thing when I was little - I only started thinking about it when I realised my amazing BF is the one I'm going to spend my life with.

Love from the token Aussie :-)
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Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so

  • I don't post all the time, but I think you need to tone it down a notch on the NEY regs. I'm for real NEY, no ring in sight, and I'm not "dreaming of being proposed to" constantly: I have a great relationship with my BF and a ton of stuff with and without him going on in my life that I'm excited about. We both feel strongly about continuing to build our relationship and be together for the rest of our lives. Marriage is an important step for both of us, and the proposal/wedding will happen when we're both ready. But when I get moments of impatience or feel twinges of jealousy that other couples we know with shorter relationships are getting engaged/married, this board is a great place to get feedback from women with varying relationship statuses that have been there before. No one is judging you "for your naked ring finger", and the married women on here are offering advice to ladies with questions or concerns navigating the water for the first time. I find that kind of advice invaluable and not judgmental, especially if it comes in an effort to get a poster to reign in BSC or to keep what's truly important in perspective. Ultimately, this board is what you make it. I appreciate the anecdotes, thoughtful consideration, and blunt honesty, and find a lot of helpful ideas and information in the conversations on NEY. If it isn't for you and you feel vilified or judged, there are other boards on this site or others that may be more appropriate for you.
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:ae60ef54-07af-4e31-8de6-def21d62b19c">RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just remember when you used to be like us NEYs...dreaming about being proposed to, talking wedding with your SO, planning your happy lil hearts away. <rant />Just because you've managed to do that stuff and are now married does not give you the right to be excessively judgemental and harsh towards those of us who are yet to have our special days! Also consider that some of us have circumstances that make being engaged right now a bit difficult, although we are otherwise ready. </rant> Anyone else feeling the same? I'm a lil bit tired of being judged for being on here despite my naked ring finger. I never did the whole plan your dream wedding thing when I was little - I only started thinking about it when I realised my amazing BF is the one I'm going to spend my life with. Love from the token Aussie :-)
    Posted by alsgirl91[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>WTF.  No one was mean to you.</div><div>
    </div><div>The women who have gotten married and stuck around have done so because they've made friends with the other women on this board.  I'm NEY, but I'm still going to tell you not to plan your wedding before you're engaged, and to get a hobby to stop thinking about it.  That's sound advice, whether you're married or NEY.  If you don't live in the present, you can't nurture a good relationship with your SO.</div><div>
    </div><div>Case in point - a couple years ago, I was with this guy that I thought I wanted to be with forever.  I went off the BSC cliff, talked wedding all the time with him, and then he proposed.  Turned out he put the ring on his student loans to shut me the hell up.  We couldn't afford a wedding at all - he was graduating from a masters program, I was graduating from college, it wasn't going to work.  And it didn't work - six months later I ended it because he was a giant douchefacedasswipe.  I couldn't see the warning signs though because I was too wrapped up in wanting to get married and be engaged RIGHTTHEFUCKNAO.  I learned my lesson.</div><div>
    </div><div>The man I'm with now, do I someday hope to marry?  You can bet your future children on that.  Are we ready to be engaged/married?  Nope - we can't afford it, and we aren't in a place to even live together yet.  Am I planning a wedding?  Hell to the no.  Am I still going to tell BSC women like yourself to slow down and enjoy your present relationship, absolutely.  Probably twice as loudly as some of the married women on here.  </div><div>
    </div><div>You aren't going to be judged for being on TK because you aren't engaged.  I frequent other boards on here as well, and no one has said a word to me about "OMG you aren't engaged, get back to the NEY board!"  But, I also haven't tried to plan a wedding on the boards - I've offered etiquette advice, and contributed to NWR threads.  If you can be a sane, normal person, no one will judge you.  If you're going to continue to be crazypants, we're going to judge the crap out of you.</div><div>
    </div><div>And, it might help if you pulled your wedding ticker down.  No one is going to take you seriously as "sane and normal" if you claim to be NEY, and have a ticker to your wedding. That's sign numero uno of BSC-syndrome.</div><div>
    </div>
    I french with my man
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  • Yeah I'm a little confused.  You say you're being judged for being on here...  by whom?  By us or by people you know IRL?

    Clarify, please.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What... what the hell just happened here?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have no idea what you are talking about. No one here has been rude to you.


  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:ae60ef54-07af-4e31-8de6-def21d62b19c">RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just remember when you used to be like us NEYs...dreaming about being proposed to, talking wedding with your SO, planning your happy lil hearts away.
    Posted by alsgirl91[/QUOTE]
    1. I never dreamed about proposals. I hoped for a proposal, but any dreaming was around the actual marriage part of the relationship, not the proposal.

    2. We don't really talk wedding. He has just kinda given me carte blanche on the whole thing because he doesn't really care about the minutiae of the wedding and knows that I'll plan something that his family will enjoy. If you think that your SO is gonna talk wedding with you a lot, you may be in for an unpleasant surprise.

    3. Planning kinda sucks. Yeah, it'll be really cool having everyone together and celebrating the beginning of our married life together, but the whole budget thing is kinda a nightmare. You also have to balance the expectations of family and what you really want to do. Kinda annoying.

  • Not sure if trolling or conceited to the point of delusion... Honey please.
    --------------------------------------------------------------


     
    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What in the f? Nobody here "judged" you for being NEY and if that's what you got from your other thread then I really don't think you'll enjoy staying on this board. Also, we get it: you're from Australia.



  • catrb89catrb89 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2012
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:8e70cb8f-73c2-4af2-a0c6-f81f2a898974">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't post all the time, but I think you need to tone it down a notch on the NEY regs. I'm for real NEY, no ring in sight, and I'm not "dreaming of being proposed to" constantly: I have a great relationship with my BF and a ton of stuff with and without him going on in my life that I'm excited about. We both feel strongly about continuing to build our relationship and be together for the rest of our lives. Marriage is an important step for both of us, and the proposal/wedding will happen when we're both ready. But when I get moments of impatience or feel twinges of jealousy that other couples we know with shorter relationships are getting engaged/married, this board is a great place to get feedback from women with varying relationship statuses that have been there before. No one is judging you "for your naked ring finger", and the married women on here are offering advice to ladies with questions or concerns navigating the water for the first time. I find that kind of advice invaluable and not judgmental, especially if it comes in an effort to get a poster to reign in BSC or to keep what's truly important in perspective. Ultimately, this board is what you make it. I appreciate the anecdotes, thoughtful consideration, and blunt honesty, and find a lot of helpful ideas and information in the conversations on NEY. If it isn't for you and you feel vilified or judged, there are other boards on this site or others that may be more appropriate for you.
    Posted by NotATotalBetty[/QUOTE]

    I like this. You should post more often.

    OP: Breath. This board is a reality check and sometimes reality sucks. Sorry but like this board, reality is not for everyone. :/
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:8b168601-d76c-40a0-8494-c96b4113e0f8">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so : 1. I never dreamed about proposals. I hoped for a proposal, but any dreaming was around the actual marriage part of the relationship, not the proposal. 2. We don't really talk wedding. He has just kinda given me carte blanche on the whole thing because he doesn't really care about the minutiae of the wedding and knows that I'll plan something that his family will enjoy. If you think that your SO is gonna talk wedding with you a lot, you may be in for an unpleasant surprise. 3. Planning kinda sucks. Yeah, it'll be really cool having everyone together and celebrating the beginning of our married life together, but the whole budget thing is kinda a nightmare. You also have to balance the expectations of family and what you really want to do. Kinda annoying.
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    I just want to agree with all of this. Especially number 1 and number 3. Planning has made my head explode on so many levels its not even funny. The costs are rediculous. I finally cut all those strings of trying to accomodate everyone reccently and made a choice that will make us happy instead. This is our marriage not everyone elses, and its our money we're spending. This is our future and to me buying a home, and creating beautiful memories as a family were far more important than a big party.

    In agreeing with all of this I also agree with other posters telling you to just slow down. Enjoy the dating phase you will never have that again. You can date your spouse/fiance but it is different.
    DIStickers.com Ticker
  • Op you are lucky that the married ladies hang around.  We can give others who aren't there yet advice and insight on what is to come.  Just because you don't like what we have to say is no reason to tell us to bug off.  You ask a question and we told you what we thought.  No one was rude or mean to you.  In fact several people said how it was really up to you to consider yourself engaged, but you clearly don't consider yourself engaged, despite the wedding ticker.

     

    Actually most of us weren't "planning our little heart away."  We don't encourage preplanning here, because it can be really damaging to a relationship not to mention often time has so reflection on what your SO wants and so when you are finally engaged, you often don't use your preplanning because your wedding is about the two of you, not just you.  

     

    If you don't like our style maybe weddingbee is more up to your speed.  They will encourage your little heart to your delight.  

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • For some clarification, my main rant about smug brides wasn't aimed at anyone on here - I know people in real life too! That's who my rant was about. And my ticker is to my 3rd anniversary with my SO, as we've agreed that would be a nice date - just the in between dates aren't sorted. He's even said we're engaged to be engaged. Sorry for not making that clearer before, I was pretty tired when I wrote my first post.

    I did need a bit of a reality check, through there are some unnecessarily harsh people though...I can't even show a little patroitism it seems! I'm facing 7 months between this job and my next with no way of distracting myself from thinking about it but knowing it will hapen some time then.

    Coopergirl seems to see where I was trying to come from. It's getting tough with so many people around me getting engaged and people asking when I'm going to :-/
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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2012
    In Response to Re:RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so:For some clarification, my main rant about smug brides wasn't aimed at anyone on here I know people in real life too! That's who my rant was about. And my ticker is to my 3rd anniversary with my SO, as we've agreed that would be a nice date just the in between dates aren't sorted. He's even said we're engaged to be engaged. Sorry for not making that clearer before, I was pretty tired when I wrote my first post.I did need a bit of a reality check, through there are some unnecessarily harsh people though...I can't even show a little patroitism it seems! I'm facing 7 months between this job and my next with no way of distracting myself from thinking about it but knowing it will hapen some time then.Coopergirl seems to see where I was trying to come from. It's getting tough with so many people around me getting engaged and people asking when I'm going to :/ Posted by alsgirl91 When you come on here ranting like that, of course it's going to be assumed you are ranting about those on this forum. Possibly people in your life are harsh because you are so focused on your 'maybe someday' engagement that you aren't focused on the here and now. Also, please tell your BF that there is no such thing as being 'engaged to be engaged.' You are either engaged or you aren't. I'd post the flowchart but I'm on my phone. My advice: breathe, enjoy your relationship as it is now, don't wish it away by focusing on what might be.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:34947ce1-8d0c-4461-a38d-cbb47ca99212">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]For some clarification, my main rant about smug brides wasn't aimed at anyone on here - I know people in real life too! That's who my rant was about.<strong> And my ticker is to my 3rd anniversary with my SO, as we've agreed that would be a nice date - just the in between dates aren't sorted.</strong> He's even said we're engaged to be engaged. Sorry for not making that clearer before, I was pretty tired when I wrote my first post. I did need a bit of a reality check, through there are some unnecessarily harsh people though...I can't even show a little patroitism it seems! I'm facing 7 months between this job and my next with no way of distracting myself from thinking about it but knowing it will hapen some time then. Coopergirl seems to see where I was trying to come from. It's getting tough with so many people around me getting engaged and people asking when I'm going to :-/
    Posted by alsgirl91[/QUOTE]

    <div>What does this even mean?</div>



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:5c4f5ba7-67b1-4e52-9c32-dcea77d60842">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so : What does this even mean?
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]
    I do not know, future Mrs. Swazzlecock.
    Anniversary
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:57f2cf2b-d1ce-4a7f-87c2-878648e18521">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so : I do not know, future Mrs. Swazzlecock.
    Posted by LaSak87[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you for that assessment, Mrs. BrownSak.</div>



  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:5c4f5ba7-67b1-4e52-9c32-dcea77d60842">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so : What does this even mean?
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

    <div>Future Mrs. Swazzlecock, I believe she means that she wants to get married on her third anniversary.  So, rather than do a ticker like the one I have, she's up and decided to kill two birds with one stone and start a countdown to her nonexistant wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>And she wonders why we think she's completely BSC.</div>
    I french with my man
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_rant-smug-new-brides-oh-how-you-annoy-me-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e8c25fa0-d352-4746-83e4-e66389db0f83Post:d1a2a2ff-c338-446b-86b4-e8c5a62d54b7">Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RANT: Smug new brides, oh how you annoy me so : Future Mrs. Swazzlecock, I believe she means that she wants to get married on her third anniversary.  So, rather than do a ticker like the one I have, she's up and decided to kill two birds with one stone and start a countdown to her nonexistant wedding. And she wonders why we think she's completely BSC.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    We wanted to get married on our anniversary, but the venue was booked and our VIPs were going to have a hard time going to a Friday wedding. I don't understand putting a ticker up when you don't have a venue reserved.

    ... unless... unless OP has a venue reserved. I wouldn't put it past her.

  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Engaged to be engaged is not a thing.  Either you are engaged, or you're not.
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  • "Engaged to be engaged"?

    /headdesk
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