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jeffsteph1207 · January 2011

I wouldn't worry about it until you know for sure when he is coming home. Being in the military myself (and currently deployed as well) I know it can be confusing and stressful, but if its soon, he should have a ball park date. My FI is also scheduled to return home around 6 Feb, but told me last night that might get pushed back. So I completely understand what you're going thru! Hope it works out for you

calindi · January 2011

I honestly think you've done everything you could, and it sounds like your friend is going to be very reasonable and understanding. You've told her there's a possibility you won't be able to make it, and she's said that you'll play it by ear. It's actually rather rude of her to invite another bridesmaid to take your place (it would likely offend her friend for being "second choice") so the best thing to do is to keep you as a bridesmaid and simply hope you can make it.

Even up to the week before, things can change. Don't stress about it, but if the day before you realize you won't be able to go, just call her up and wish her well, and then send a flower delivery to her when she's getting ready with a card that says somethin like, "Wish I could be there on your special day! Thank you for being so understanding, and I look forward to both FI and I being able to celebrate with you and your husband soon!"

Good luck! And JeffSteph, good luck to you, too!

***JeffSteph - please remove the estimated return date, as this is a violation of OPSEC policy. Thank you!!!*****

Beachy730 · January 2011

I wouldn't make any decisions for a while still. If it comes down it being the same weekend though, I would absolutely skip the wedding and be home for his homecoming.

We are in a somewhat similar situation. BIL is getting married 5 days before H is scheduled to leave for a workup, and we are both in the WP. It's too early to put in for leave, and we don't even know if they will let him take it that close to the ship leaving. We are just playing it by ear (as long as we don't get asked to "step down" from the WP). For the BM dresses they bride just gave us a color to get at David's Bridal, so I'm going to wait until I know for sure if we are going, and then just buy off the rack. Is that a possibility for you? I know you didn't ask about that, but i'm sure you don't want to buy a dress that you might not be able to use either.

kyrgyzstan · January 2011

I think it's something you really have to decide for yourself. I can say that I *think* I would go to the wedding, only because (in theory) your friend only gets married once, and if you're close enough to her that she wants you in your wedding, then I wouldn't want to miss it. Your FI will likely have multiple homecomings (as will you since it appears you're in as well.)

I think most people would say they would go to the HC. You have to do what's right for you. If going to his HC is right for you, then I believe your friend will understand. A true friend would, IMO, and she sounds like she will.

Alice and Les · January 2011

It is a little soon to be worrying about it, but it is good that you brought it to your friend's attention. I hope they don't fall on the same date but if it happens I think you need to be there for your FH. From the sound of it, your friend will understand. He will want to see you as soon as he gets off the plane. After a year deployment you just really want to count their fingers and toes, and make sure they are okay.

My fiance and I have a rule. I will be there when he leaves, and he will be there when I get back. I know a little confusing but it makes sense. I will be there when he leaves and when I go back to pick him up from the same place, he will be there

Do whatever you feel is right.

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