All About his family

skidoogrrl · August 2010

I am not really sure how to take my Fiances family with our engagement. Its more all about his sister and its starting to get hurtful and just rude. His sister is pregnant with her first child...so no one really cares about our engagement, I had to listen to how our wedding is going to be used as a show off for his sister and her baby by his mother. Im not sure why I am taking such offense to it but I am just sick of hearing about how our wedding is convienent for everyone else to show things off...is this how its supposed to be?!

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5a2950ae-6a21-443d-9457-a736e679d936Post:efed99b6-f929-49b7-bb0d-753de483a41d">All About his family</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not really sure how to take my Fiances family with our engagement. Its more all about his sister and its starting to get hurtful and just rude. His sister is pregnant with her first child...so no one really cares about our engagement, I had to listen to how our wedding is going to be used as a show off for his sister and her baby by his mother. Im not sure why I am taking such offense to it but I am just sick of hearing about how our wedding is convienent for everyone else to show things off...is this how its supposed to be?!
Posted by skidoogrrl[/QUOTE]

They're excited about a new baby in the family. Babies usually trump weddings. If your wedding is going to be the first opportunity for a lot of family members to see the new baby, of course they will be excited about that.

Talk to your own family and friends about your wedding instead of his.

KatyRoseM · August 2010

It sucks that they are telling you this. Even if it were true I would think they would be nicer about it. That being said, it probably won't be true. When is your wedding? How old will the baby be? That impacts how much it will be about them. Further, no mater what they say it will be about you and your Fi, it just happens that way no matter what they plan.

That being said, don't let them force you into having the baby in the wedding party if you don't want to, but be nice about it. Say the baby is too young, not that you want it to be all about you. Its sad for you that they are not excited for you, but remember its worse for your Fi, they are his family and they are not caring about him. So support him and know that this will pass.

skidoogrrl · August 2010

Thank you for the advice! Our wedding is next October..the baby will be 9 months already. Its really tough on both of us..unfortunatly his family hasnt made it fun for us to plan. I suppose its something we are just going to have to deal with. Its just sad that its a year away and everyone is already looking to make it about themselves. We have had 2 people tell us who they wont be sitting with and who they dont like that we are inviting to the wedding. Its been more of a headache then anything. I was hoping it would be more fun...maybe when the newness wheres off it will get better??

*Barbie* · August 2010

there's a very simple solution to this problem - stop talking to people about your wedding. (cause seriously, nobody cares as much as you or your fi)

if you don't bring it up, it's doubtful that they will.

baconsmom · August 2010

Babies trump weddings.

I had a three-year-old when I married. Plenty of people came to my wedding expressly to meet her. It's not that they weren't happy to go to a wedding, but a wedding is just an event, just a party, just an excuse to bring your loved ones together. They're excited to see you, AND they're excited to see the baby.

I think it says something not very flattering about you that you can't bear to share the spotlight with an infant for a few minutes.

KatieD212 · August 2010

My sister is due a month before my wedding. I am happy to have a new niece/nephew, and for all our family to be together to meet the new addition! it's exciting!

skidoogrrl · August 2010

Baconsmom...I guess if you knew the situation you would understand but obviously you dont so you wouldnt. I am excited for her. Everyone deserves a day of there own.

katorigasuki · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5a2950ae-6a21-443d-9457-a736e679d936Post:c28bebce-9041-4848-9219-64ecf85ac14f">Re: All About his family</a>:
[QUOTE]Baconsmom...I guess if you knew the situation you would understand but obviously you dont so you wouldnt. I am excited for her. Everyone deserves a day of there own.
Posted by skidoogrrl[/QUOTE]

yeah, Bmom, you don't KNOW her. ;-)

mrsconn23 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5a2950ae-6a21-443d-9457-a736e679d936Post:c28bebce-9041-4848-9219-64ecf85ac14f">Re: All About his family</a>:
[QUOTE]Baconsmom...I guess if you knew the situation you would understand but obviously you dont so you wouldnt. I am excited for her. Everyone deserves a day of there own.
Posted by skidoogrrl[/QUOTE]

First of all it's "their".

Secondly, you seriously pulled the "you don't know me" card?! HA! HAHAHAHAHA! I see why your FILs aren't that into you and your wedding.

baconsmom · August 2010

I'm stuck on "everyone deserves a day of their own."

Really? Everyone? Like having a pretty princess day where you're the center of attention is some sort of natural right, or something?

You want a day all about you? Throw a birthday party. A wedding is about you AND YOUR SPOUSE starting a new family, tying you to the entirety of the human family through the same ritual we've all used. It's not unique. It's not about you.

mrsconn23 · August 2010

You don't know her, Bmom. YOU DON'T KNOW HER!

amatadei · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5a2950ae-6a21-443d-9457-a736e679d936Post:6cc2eea9-1887-4320-91be-507fb28a30b4">Re: All About his family</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm stuck on "everyone deserves a day of their own." Really? Everyone? Like having a pretty princess day where you're the center of attention is some sort of natural right, or something? You want a day all about you? Throw a birthday party. A wedding is about you AND YOUR SPOUSE starting a new family, tying you to the entirety of the human family through the same ritual we've all used. It's not unique. It's not about you.
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

Oh, come on! No, it's not about just the bride, it is about the couple. You are right there. But, your previous two posts have been so cynical toward the celebration of two people in love, I wonder why you are even on these boards... Or, perhaps I do know the reason....

Everyone does deserve a special day for their wedding-- a day when everyone can celebrate with them the excitement, apprehension, love, hopes, dreams, etc of two people as they join their lives together. It is def. not about being a princess or living out some crazy childhood dream, but a wedding is not a party or "just an event" either. It is a beautiful moment of two people standing up before those they know and love and declaring their intention to spend their lives working as a team.

And while I do not think that, OP, you will even notice if people are fawning over the new baby at your wedding (you'll have plenty of other stuff to enjoy and take in and plenty of people who are not fawning over the baby), I do think that she has a right to be hurt by FI's family not being excited for their upcoming nuptials. No, they won't be as excited as bride and groom, but the two families should have some level of comittment in this thing and should not allow other joyous family moments to trump bride/groom's own joy.

tiffky79 · August 2010

I will say, while I get being a little miffed about the situation, I wouldn't get myself all upset over it. The day is still going to be a special and wonderful day for you and your fiance. That there is going to be a cute lil' one there isn't going to detract from your happiness unless you let it. Enjoy the fact that your marrying the love of your life and get to see a cute addition to the family.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2010

What the what? Of COURSE it's assy to hijack someone else's event in order to AW yourself and your offspring. Baconsmom, what are you thinking?!

baconsmom · August 2010

The SIL isn't hijacking. The family has said, "We're excited to meet the baby at your wedding." That's not hijacking - that's what happens when new babies come to weddings.

If you're inviting a whole mess of family to an event, even a wedding, you have to expect that yes, they will get together and talk to each other and catch up. They will not be falling all over the bride all the time. I didn't get the sense from the OP - and certainly not from the follow-up - that her ILs aren't supportive of the marriage, or hate her, or are not excited to go to the wedding. I get the sense that they're excited for the wedding, AND for the baby, and I don't understand why she can't share. A reception is a long time to stare lovingly at a bride, yo. I'd want something else to do, to.

When people RSVPd to my wedding and told me, "I'm so excited to meet Bacon!" I didn't take it as a dig at me. I was happy they were excited. Bacon's a lot more interesting than her father and I are.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2010

I saw nothing at all to indicate that this is what was going on.

baconsmom · August 2010

And I saw nothing to indicate that it wasn't. Generalities, vague complaints - if she has a specific inicidence of her ILs telling her "We don't care if it's your wedding, all we want is a meet-the-baby party", perhaps I'd be more inclined to take her side.

<shrugs> It seems like whining to me, and I just don't get it. But I am not a center-of-attention person, so maybe that's just me. I was happy to get everyone together to catch up and gawk at my kid.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2010

I'm not fond of being the center of attention either, but I get annoyed at how kids are so constantly AWed.

amatadei · August 2010

If you re-read the OP (Skidoo, correct me if I'm wrong), it seems that, every time she brings up the wedding to her FILs, it turns into talk about how it'll be a great venue to show off the baby. This isn't the random family member saying "We're excited to meet the baby at your wedding," it's FMIL saying "I'm so excited to show off my grandbaby!"... which is an understandable sentiment, but a hurtful one for an excited bride to hear when she's all psyched to discuss wedding details with her future family.

If OP is complaining that her reception is going to turn into the opening scene from The Lion King, then I concur that it's unfounded and unreasonable. But I don't think that that is the problem here. She is getting her thunder stolen by an unborn child. And, in that case, I think she has a point. Obviously there is plenty of room at the reception for baby oogling, bride adoration, schmoozing, boozing, and boogying besides! But, if she is trying to share her excitement with FILs and all they have to say about it is how they are excited about the grandbaby, then she def has a point.

OP, does your FI ever witness this thunder stealing? Perhaps the two of you could disarm these comments next time they occur. If you guys are sharing your vision for floral arrangements with FMIL and she again says soemthing about the baby instead of sharing her opinion on the centerpieces, you could call her on it (in a very respectful way... "We know you are excited about the baby, and we are, too, but we would really appreciate your undivided attention on this subject right now." or "While we are all excited for the baby, we are also very excited for our wedding and feel like you are not sharing in our excitement.").

skidoogrrl · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:5a2950ae-6a21-443d-9457-a736e679d936Post:71b0377e-395a-4f5b-9746-f23ba45a442f">Re: All About his family</a>:
[QUOTE]If you re-read the OP (Skidoo, correct me if I'm wrong), it seems that, every time she brings up the wedding to her FILs, it turns into talk about how it'll be a great venue to show off the baby. This isn't the random family member saying "We're excited to meet the baby at your wedding," it's FMIL saying "I'm so excited to show off my grandbaby!"... which is an understandable sentiment, but a hurtful one for an excited bride to hear when she's all psyched to discuss wedding details with her future family. If OP is complaining that her reception is going to turn into the opening scene from The Lion King , then I concur that it's unfounded and unreasonable. But I don't think that that is the problem here. She is getting her thunder stolen by an unborn child. And, in that case, I think she has a point. Obviously there is plenty of room at the reception for baby oogling, bride adoration, schmoozing, boozing, and boogying besides! But, if she is trying to share her excitement with FILs and all they have to say about it is how they are excited about the grandbaby, then she def has a point. OP, does your FI ever witness this thunder stealing? Perhaps the two of you could disarm these comments next time they occur. If you guys are sharing your vision for floral arrangements with FMIL and she again says soemthing about the baby instead of sharing her opinion on the centerpieces, you could call her on it (in a very respectful way... "We know you are excited about the baby, and we are, too, but we would really appreciate your undivided attention on this subject right now." or "While we are all excited for the baby, we are also very excited for our wedding and feel like you are not sharing in our excitement.").
Posted by amatadei[/QUOTE]

Yes, You are correct. He does see it which is sad for him because his family has never been show emotion when something exciting is happening to him. He mentioned it to be after his mother told us that our wedding is for his sister to show off her baby. Dont get me wrong..because SOME people have..its not that I am not extremely excited for his sister because I am. I love children and am SO excited to be an aunt again. I just think that the comment was rude whether or not the baby is the center of attention at our wedding or not. Its just the fact that it was announced in front of us. We were both hurt by the comment.

skidoogrrl · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:5a2950ae-6a21-443d-9457-a736e679d936Post:1447968b-bdc7-49e9-9a6f-c81cb2e3ebff">Re: All About his family</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All About his family : First of all it's "their". Secondly, you seriously pulled the "you don't know me" card?! HA! HAHAHAHAHA! I see why your FILs aren't that into you and your wedding.
Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]

First of all why are you even on here when all you do is trash people I was looking for advice if you can't give any stay off my post. And second I didnt pull the YOU DONT KNOW ME card I said she didnt know my situation and neither do you so dont comment....I cant stand people like you who are out to make everyone else miserable...I dont even know how your married...I feel bad for your husband.

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