Community› Cultural Wedding Boards› Jewish Weddings
Jewish Weddings
New Discussion

parents standing up at ceremony

robinmswrobinmsw member
First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
My mother is adamant about standing up with us (well, sorta next to us, behind the wedding party, outside the chuppah) during the ceremony.  I haven't been to a lot of weddings--and only 1 Jewish wedding--and didn't know this is traditional.The problem is that we are having chuppah holders.  So, without the parents, there are going to be 11 people standing up there.  Another problem, my fiance's parents are divorced...and both remarried.  He's close to his stepmother but doesn't even know his stepfather all that well (mostly due to distance).  Jay thinks his parents won't want to be at their child's wedding and not be next to their own spouses.  But then that means having 17(!!) people standing up front.  I'm honestly not really sure what I'm asking here!  Is it weird to have--or not have--stepparents?  Too many people?  Would it be weird to just have my parents and not his?  Any feedback at all?!
Report Reply to Post

Re: parents standing up at ceremony

  • alinaandjaredalinaandjared
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I think its normal for parents to stand up by the chuppah during the wedding- we outdo your 17 people as we have 13 in the bridal party, 2 of us, 2 rabbis, 4 parents: 21 people. I think your best bet is have your biological parents (or whomever raised you, I don't want to offend anyone) and his biological, but not, step parents. Think about it this way, who is walking him down the aisle? If it is all 4 parents, all 4 go up but more likely than not it is his mom and his dad. Whether they are married to one another now, or not, or whether they were even married to each other EVER does not change that THEIR son is getting married, not their new spouses. I think stepparents, as stepparents, should anticipate this, especially since they likely have their own biological children that they will one day "give away"
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic image
    Report Reply
  • jenvaletjenvalet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My husband's parents are divorced, one is re-married. We only had his biological parents stand under the chuppah, along with my parents. They also escorted him down the aisle.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • MoFreeMoFree member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We also had a smaller chuppah that was held by 4 people. My parents and DH's mother weren't necessarily directly under the chuppah but around it, if that makes sense. I think it's traditional for only the biological parents (or adoptive, legal parents) to walk their children down the aisle and stand with them.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • BenandDinaBenandDina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had a conservative wedding, and we had the family (DH's father and stepmother, my 2 parents and my 2 stepparents) with us and the Rabbi under the chuppah, and the wedding party fanned out on the sides of the chuppah but not right underneath it (I've never heard of the wedding party being under a chuppah; traditionally, only the parents are, and the wedding party stands in front or on the sides).  It's Jewish tradition to have the parents under the chuppah, but with stepparents, I would encourage you to consider people's feelings - if his mother would be really hurt that her husband wasn't included, then it might be better to include him.  I don't get along with my Stepmother but I adore my Dad, so as much as I didn't want her up there, we thought it would be best to have all the parents and stepparents up there with us.
    Report Reply
  • slbriz34slbriz34
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Since crowding/numbers seems to be an issue, personally I'd have only you, your FI, rabbi and parents under the chuppah and the rest of the party outside the chuppah. If the step-parents thing will be an issue, then have them stand outside the chuppah as well; they can walk down the aisle on their own - I'd put them after grandparents but before groomsmen/bridal party. I agree with sentiments of others here; only his parents (and yours) should walk him down and the step-parents will (or should) anticipate/expect this (to think otherwise is a bit egotistical, for lack of a better word right now).  So everyone will get to be a part of the day, no hurt feelings, and no overcrowding under the chuppah. Good luck.
    Report Reply
  • ShoshieShoshie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Under our chuppah were the cantor, both rabbis, two sets of parents (mine are divorced), two grandmothers and us. Our wedding party stood on the stirs near the chuppah. I would do as PP have said: just the mom and dad, but have the stepparents in the front row.
    image
    Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be * BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • jewishmilitarybridejewishmilitarybride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    it is not weird to have step-parents if you are close to them. if you are doing it just to appease others, then it might feel weird. it should feel natural if that is what you want to do in your heart.
    image
    Report Reply
  • jeslauren77jeslauren77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm having the same problem with our wedding.  I'm jewish but my fiancee is not.  We are having a jewish wedding since he doesn't care about his religion.  Our rabbi told us that it is not actually jewish tradition for the parents to stand up with the couple.  But I think my parents will be offended if they're not up there with us.  My fiancee's parents are divorced and remarried and he is close with all of them.  We have 18 people in our wedding party, plus 2 flower girls and 1 ringbearer.  That would be a lot of people up there!  Oy, what is a girl to do!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards