Do you like this as a wedding reading?

sarah0725 · June 2010

This is my one week this summer to think about wedding stuff before life gets wacky again, so I may be posting a lot.

What do you think of this passage as a wedding reading? I just abridged it down from a longer passage in Les Miserables. I always liked the part about trying to figure out where your personality ends and your partner's begins (sorry about the wonky C&P formatting):

" For the last six weeks, Marius had little by little, slowly, by degrees, taken possession of Cosette each day. He possessed her smile, her breath, her perfume, the profound radiance of her blue eyes, the sweetness of her skin when he touched her hand, the charming mark which she had on her neck, all her thoughts. Therefore, he possessed all Cosette's dreams. It seemed as though they had so intermingled their souls, that it would have been impossible to tell them apart had they wished to take them back again.--"This is mine." "No, it is mine." "I assure you that you are mistaken. This is my property." "What you are taking as your own is myself."-- Marius was something that made a part of Cosette, and Cosette was something which made a part of Marius. Marius felt Cosette within him. To have Cosette, to possess Cosette, this, to him, was not to be distinguished from breathing."

danieliza1127 · June 2010

I love Les Mis, but I don't like this as a reading at a wedding. It's got names in it that aren't yours and also, even though it's not the true meaning, MANY people will get caught up in the "possess" stuff and take it the wrong way. Like in the post here yesterday about the Bible passage about a woman's submission.

pumpkinpumpkin · June 2010

I personally don't like it.
I do love Les Mis, if that's any consolation.

stellabbella129 · June 2010

I love you. I love this passage. I think it's absolutely beautiful and if I got married over again I would steal your idea.

georgia_bride09 · June 2010

I agree with Dani. Even though YOU get the meaning, I think it would be lost on the majority of your guests.

Sing2phins · June 2010

See, I don't find this romantic at all, actually. I find it kind of creepy.

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

There's too much "possessing" and "owning" in that reading. It creeped me out.

But, I do love Les Mis.

september's bride · June 2010

I'm going to ditto the creepy thing, and the "I love Les Mis" thing too. I'm all for pulling from literary sources for weddings, but I'm not feeling this as a great choice.

Brie2010 · June 2010

I...am not a fan. I think it would sound odd coming from a family member or friend.

jnic0319 · June 2010

Not a fan of this for a wedding reading.

crfische · June 2010

I would think this would be really weird if I heard it at a wedding.

angie74 · June 2010

I, too, love Les Mis. it's a great show. but out of context (i.e.- at your wedding) the passage just sounds a little weird. and people who don't know Les Mis will be all "WTF is Cossette? I thought SarahNumbers was getting hitched"

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

Can you edit it a bit? Like this? It's shorter now, but less creepy...

It seemed as though they had so intermingled their souls, that it would have been impossible to tell them apart had they wished to take them back again. ... Marius was something that made a part of Cosette, and Cosette was something which made a part of Marius. Marius felt Cosette within him. To have Cosette, ... this, to him, was not to be distinguished from breathing."

tenofcups4me · June 2010

I'm embarrassed to say I've never read the book or seen the show, so I don't have context for the quote -- but without context, it seems scary obsesive to me, especially the reiteration of the words "possess" and "take." And I guess everyone has different aspirations for their marriage, but the idea of so losing myself to my partner is NOT something I personally aspire to.

september's bride · June 2010

I'm not sure what vibe you're going for, but maybe check out Anne Morrow Lindburgh. A good friend of ours opened our rehearsal dinner with an excerpt from one of her books, "Gift From the Sea" and we loved it:

Love does not consist of gazing at each other (one perfect sunrise gazing at another) but in looking outward together in the same direction. For, in fact man and woman are not only looking outward in the same direction; they are working outward. Here one forms ties, roots, a firm base. Here one makes oneself part of the community of men, of human society. And here the bonds of marriage are formed.

For marriage, which is always spoken of as a bond, becomes actually, in this stage, many bonds, many strands, of different texture and strength, making up a web that is taut and firm. The web is fashioned of love. Yes, many kinds of love: romantic love first, then a slow growing devotion and playing these through, a constantly rippling companionship.

It is made of loyalties, and interdependencies, and shared experiences. It is woven of memories of meetings and conflicts; of triumphs and disappointments. It is a web of communication, a common language, and the acceptance of lack of language, too; a knowledge of likes and dislikes, of habits and reactions, both physical and mental. It is a web of instincts and intuitions, and known and unknown exchanges. The web of marriage is made by propinquity, in the day to day living side by side, looking outward and working outward in the same direction. It is woven in space and in time of the substance of life itself.

sarah0725 · June 2010

OK, I'm going to think it over some more. Thanks guys!

squirrly · June 2010

I don't find it wedding appropriate either. There's a ton of non-religious readings in my planning bio, if you want more to work with, Sarah. We went through HUNDREDS before we picked two.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

ewwwww, i hate that. granted, i've never seen les mis (only know a few of the songs). so if it means something different than what it seems to clearly state, i'm not aware of it.

jasmineh7777 · June 2010

I really like it, but I'm familiar with the show. If you didn't know the show, it might come off a little "every step you take."

danieliza1127 · June 2010

Love does not consist of gazing at each other (one perfect sunrise gazing at another) but in looking outward together in the same direction.

I used a variation of that in our program.

Ditto whoever said something about not wanting to lose yourself in the other person. Our ceremony was actually good about making the opposite point.

Love one another

but don't make a bond of love

let it rather be a moving sea

between the shores of your souls.

Give each other to drink

but not of the same cup

Give each other of your bread

but don't eat of the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous

but let each one of you be alone.

For even as the strings of a lute are alone

they quiver with the same music.

And stand together,

but not too near together,

for the pillars of the temple stand apart

and the oak tree and the cypress

will not grow in each other's shadow.

Let there be spaces in your togetherness

and let the winds of the heavens

dance between you.

sarah0725 · June 2010

See, I'm looking specifically for things that are literary or come from sources that actually mean something to me or FI. I've looked through those long lists of contemporary wedding readings, and generally I hate them. I also don't want to use something that's excerpted from another source unless I'm familiar with the source. In this case, I'm very familiar with the source and it's meaningful to me. I also read Les Miserables for the first time when I was nine, so it's very resonant with me.

FI is off looking for readings among the things he likes... we brainstormed in the car a bit yesterday and I think he wants to use something from a Star Wars novel. I think that could potentially be pretty cute.

Morfudd · June 2010

I don't love it, for many of the reasons given above.

And YGPM, lovely Sarah!

stellabbella129 · June 2010

Stars Wars novel would also be cute. I get what you mean about wanting something that's more than the words.. that the source means something to you. There was a bit of Jack Kerouac at my little wedding and I loved it because I've adored JK since I did a year long project on him in high school and when FI was sick I read all of his poetry to him so we love him together.

sarah0725 · June 2010

YGPM back, Morfudd!

Thanks for the encouragement, Stella.

I may go back to the longer passage and see if I can come up with something a bit better, or look at other translations, since it was originally in French. The part in the middle about not being able to distinguish what was originally one or the other is my favorite part, even if it gives some people the creeps. Of course we are independent people, but from spending so much time together, we share a great deal.

Morfudd · June 2010

Stella, I love it when I find other couples who read aloud to one another.

As I said in my second PM, Sarah, when you explain it, I wonder if my negative view is more anti-Cosette bias than anti-passage bias. The girl drives me nuts.

sarah0725 · June 2010

Haha I get you on the anti-Cosette bias, although I think she's a much more rounded character in the book than in the play, or at least as rounded as a 19th-century French writer is going to allow her to be. She has a lot more to do than singing "A Heart Full of Love" and then disappearing until the end of the play.

Also, my opinion may or may not have been affected by reading a trashy "sequel" to Les Miserables called Cosette that was written in the 20th century.

stellabbella129 · June 2010

Love reading to H and when he reads to me

We also love listening to audio books together because we travel a lot.

I don't know if you're a Hemingway fan, but I have this passage highlighted in all three of my copies of "A Farewell to Arms": Sorry for the copy/paste...

At night, there was the feeling that we had come home, feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find the other one there, and not gone away; all other things were unreal. We slept when we were tired and if we woke the other one woke too so one was not alone. Often a man wishes to be alone and a woman wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we were together, alone against the others. We were never lonely and never afraid when we were together.

sarah0725 · June 2010

Ooh, I like that. I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't read A Farewell to Arms, but I think I'm going to do so to contextualize that passage.

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

My sister used that reading in her wedding, Stella! I had never heard it before but I really liked it.

thesuninherhead · June 2010

I like Stella's suggestion... but yes, I agree with the others on your OP; I can see where you're going with it, but it could easily be misconstrued.

Do you like this as a wedding reading?

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