With or without mass?

audreyjem · May 2011

I've been reading a Catholic Wedding etiquette/planning book, and it seems to suggest not to have a wedding with full mass if half of the guests are non-Catholic. I took part in RCIA after having not been raised in any denomination, with a family who does not really practice any religion. Catholicism is very important to my FI and I, and we even met through the Church. I never thought of having a wedding without full mass, but I don't want to alienate my guests. I guess my question is not so much whether or not I should have full mass, because its very important to me that we do, but how to include all guests?

[Deleted User] · May 2011

I wouldn't worry about you guests as much if both you and your FI are both fully confirmed Catholics. Only about half of our guests were Catholic and were able to receive Holy Communion, but we had full Mass anyway b/c H and I are both Catholic. Usually priests will not recommend full Mass if one party isn't Catholic, but since you both are, I don't see anything wrong with having a full Mass. The ceremony is joining you 2 in marriage with the Holy Spirit, not your guests.

doctabroccoli · May 2011

Priests have ways of reverently explaining different parts of the mass to non-Catholics in the congregation. Printed programs also help those not familiar with the Mass to follow along. If you guys want the Mass, then have the Mass! We definitely only had about 50% Catholic attendance at ours, and I have been to other weddings where the population was similar. Good luck!

Riss91 · May 2011

I think these days, guests are used to attending ceremonies that they are unfamiliar with. I wouldn't be offended as a guest at another religious wedding, just because I didn't understand or follow all of the parts.

I think you should do the full mass, since you are both strongly connected to the faith.

ring_pop · May 2011

I would have a mass in your case, for sure.

katetw · May 2011

I would have a full mass in your case, since both you and your fiance are Catholic.

While my fiance is confirmed Catholic, he isn't practicing, and though 7 of our 8 parents are Catholic, none of them take Communion since they're remarried NOT in the church. We decided communion would actually seem divisive in our case since only I would be taking communion out of our very large immediate families.

monkeysip · May 2011

Most of the friends and family of me and my fiance are not Catholic, so really I only expect maybe 10 additional people to receive communion besides FI and I. I've had a couple people suggest doing the ceremony without mass since most people attending wouldn't be receiving. But both me and my fiance converted to Catholicism together during our relationship and it has caused our relationship to become so much better over the years! The eucharist has been our continual source of strength, so I can't imagine not having it at our wedding even if most people cannot receive it. I would think that the people I love would respect that.

I do want them to still feel like they can participate, so we'll probably have the most elaborate and in-depth programs ever so they can really follow along, and I think it is also probably good to have music that people could follow easily. Like, it probably wouldn't be very polite to have lots of songs in Latin or something at my wedding (although we would LOVE that... I'm sure our guests would be somewhat alienated).

I think the ceremony of the wedding, uniting two families and two individuals in marriage, is enough to bring them together despite the lack of eucharistic communion. Follow it with a good reception, of course!

Calypso1977 · May 2011

your guests are irrelevant in terms of having Mass. whether you have Mass is dependent solely upon the wishes of you and your FI.

if you are both catholic, and want mass, you shoudl ahve it.

cutie+love · May 2011

I agree with having very detailed programs. Also, your priest could invite people up for a blessing if they don't want communion.

audreyjem · May 2011

Thanks ladies! I agree with the detailed program, and I hope our priest will give a blessing to those not taking communion.

professorscience · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_mass?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:2dc494df-f67a-4386-b03b-6f908548fa02Post:763bbecd-27d5-4adf-b9a3-d7d5a7be150c">Re: With or without mass?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I agree with the detailed program, <strong>and I hope our priest will give a blessing to those not taking communion.</strong>
Posted by audreyjem[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure anyone can receive a blessing during a normal mass, so your wedding should not be any different. The last wedding mass I attended, the bride and groom were Catholic, the bride's whole family was, but the groom's family and many of the guests were not. Before communion, the celebrant demonstrated how to signal that you wish to receive a blessing and explained that you could stay in your seat if you wanted. FI and I are in a similar boat, so we'll probably ask our priest to give this same explanation.

leed0019 · May 2011

Another option is that you and your FI could partake in communion but not have it offered to everyone else. If you are worried about your guests response to it this could be a good option. Plus those who aren't Catholic may not know that they are not supposed to partake in communion which could reduce awkwardness and confusion.

monkeysip · May 2011

I'd just like to point out that everyone gets a blessing at the end of the mass, so this whole giving blessings during communion thing is actually not in the rubrics, but something people just started doing.

It doesn't actually make sense theologically or liturgically. Canon law specifically forbids lay people to give blessings during the mass (so EMHCs cannot give blessings) and it seems that the Vatican is still considering the issue of priestly blessings during mass, but it isn't looking like they're going to accept them.

http://www.adoremus.org/0209CDW_Blessing.html

Everyone at mass, whether Catholic or not, whether in sin or not, receives a blessing and receives graces by participating in the mass. I think the idea of sending people to the priest (or EMHC) for a blessing since they can't receive communion is an empty symbol... they're not receiving extra blessings from anyone else, and it isn't a replacement for communion. They don't need to go up and receive a blessing to participate, but just stay in their seats, pray, and contemplate the liturgy.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

im really not sure if its empty or useless. our priest always gives a blessing to a child who comes up to the altar rail for communion but who is not old enough to receive (usually toddlers or babies in their mothers arms). surely that cant be "empty".

lmeade62 · May 2011

Goodness, I went up for a blessing almost every Sunday before I finished my RCIA and entered the Church. It was anything but empty for me...it was very meaningful for me to participate in that way during communion.

monkeysip · May 2011

@ Calypso--well, if you read the link I posted, its somewhat more legitimate for children, only because children are not out of communion with the Church, but just not ready to receive yet. But the blessing during communion gives the recipient a false sense of communion... which no blessing can confer. As I said before, everyone at mass is receiving a blessing... it seems silly to repeat the act.

@ Lmeade--when I went through RCIA, I always received a blessing too. I thought its what you did. I didn't know that its technically not supposed to be there, and when I read more on it I figured out that it doesn't really make sense. You may *feel* like it has a meaning, but it doesn't signify anything. You're receiving a blessing, but you're not receiving any more of a blessing than anyone else is whenever the priest blesses the whole congregation. And you're not receiving any eucharistic grace that you couldn't receive just sitting in your pew. The eucharist is what gives us grace... both spiritually and sacramentally. Those who cannot receive sacramentally are always invited to stay in their seat and pray for spiritual communion. You don't need a priest to give this to you.

I think the blessing makes people feel better... they don't want to just sit in the pew, they want to feel like they're "participating". But in reality, participation has nothing to do with physical action... you participate by joining your heart and mind to the mass. You can do this at your seat. The communion line is for those actually receiving sacramental communion... those who are actually in communion with the Church.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

sure, a blessing does not = communion, but its still a priestly blessing.

monkeysip · May 2011

I know, but you already receive a blessing at the mass. It's not like, more blessings= more grace. You don't go up and receive multiple hosts believing you'll get more grace that way.

MopsieB · May 2011

Have the mass! We are, even though most of our guests are not Catholic or even religious. You're asking them to come and pay their respects to you and celebrate your union. They can skip the ceremony if they really don't want to be there.

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