RP: Destination vs At Home Wedding

MrsBoss2012 · May 2011

Hello! This is my first time visiting this board but after today it may be my new favorite place. After visiting a few local venues FI and I are finding it really hard to stay in our 10K budget area and we are paying for everything ourselves. The majority is food and drinks spent on GUESTS when this is OUR day! I initially wanted a destination wedding but then we thought it might be selfish to those family members who are unable to come (money, health, elderly, etc) but now we are heavily considering it! I think we would rather trade in having a party for 100 people for memories of a tropical wedding 20 years from now. We want to honeymoon in Hawaii so we would just do it all there. I'm just not sure how it will be received by family members. Has anyone else battled with this decision? How did you weigh your options? Are you finding it much cheaper? Please help me with my pro and con list TIA

Pros
I won't have to go look at ANOTHER venue (been to 4 and i'm burnt out)
Save more money
Can move our wedding date up (currently September 2012)

Con
My 81 year old grandmother won't be able to attend and we are really close

ps This is a repost because I also posted on my local board.

tiffhiam · May 2011

We decided on a DW for many reasons... less stress, save money, be able to go on a honeymoon(with an at home wedding we wouldnt have been able to afford one).

There was family that didnt like we decided a DW but in the end it is OUR wedding. all that mattered to us was that we were marrying each other. We recoreded it so our family and friends that couldnt come could watch it. And everyone was happy that we were happy in the end.

We are doing a reception soon too at home. But it doesnt have to be anything big, we were just gonna do a bbq.

I always wanted a huge wedding but now that we did a DW I couldnt imagine it any other way!

breaness · May 2011

We always wanted something small. In order to keep it fair, so no one felt alienated we've kept the list super short. I am very close to my mom's mother, but she isn't well enough to travel. I am not very close to my dad's mother, and she is well enough to travel. To be fair, neither are coming. Just our parents and MAYBE FI's brother.

We love the idea of the DW, and no one has expressed any feelings against it to us. I guess that's because it's what I've always wanted and anyone close to me has always known that.

We're having a nice reception when we return for our closest friends & family (65 invited) so they can celebrate with us. But there are even friends & family that aren't on that list just because we're not close to them. To us this isn't about racking up as high as guest list as possible, but rather celebrating with the people who we love the most.

AKWinterBride · May 2011

Well, it depends on the money issue. We are spending between 15-20K on our wedding in Maui for 50 guests. However - we saved a ton of money in the long run because if we had it here at home our guest list would be between 200-300 people.
I never wanted a big wedding at all, so when my FI asked me 'Hawaiian wedding?' about 30 seconds after I said yes, I was all for it! The only people that really HAD to be at our wedding was our parents so we thought if they were the only people who could come, it was fine with us! However, as you can see, we quickly found that a lot of our family wanted to go to Hawaii!
I couldn't be more happy with what our wedding will be like, and wouldn't change it to a hometown wedding for anything! But, DW do not necessarily mean you will save a ton of money, but for some girls they really did a good job of keeping a smaller budget for a DW.
So - in the end, you can do a DW on the cheap, but you may have to give up some things that you wanted in the end. I know I wouldn't change our choice for the world!! Having memories of all of our close family & friends with us in Maui is priceless....

Kayla&Brian412 · May 2011

We have had nothing but support. No hard feelings what so ever...The nice thing is, we'll be the third in FI's family with a DW in addition to the family being spread out--Therefore everyone wedding is a DW for someone.

For us, the beach is a HUGE part of our relationship and I knew I wanted to be barefoot in the sand. Although we aren't paying for our wedding, before we were engaged we had planned on paying. I didn't want to spend a whole bunch of money on just a few hours and food that would only be half decent...

I have family in MD, PA, CA, AZ, GA and FI has family in MD, VA, FL so someone somewhere would have to travel. Why not make it somewhere fun? We're going to Cancun and inviting close to 150 people. We're thinking about 60 people will join us.

FI has a huge family, so it was impossible to cut some family out, so it was all or just parents. We just invited everyone we would if we were having a traditional wedding to avoid any hurt feelings.

I'm budgeting everything to be about $10k, probably less. This includes the 10 days in Mexico!

Good luck and feel free to ask any additional questions!

kolaughlin23 · May 2011

Because our family and friends would not have been able to afford to do a whole vacation, we paid for 1 rental home and my parents payed for another right next door on the outer banks. This way only people who want to pay for a hotel aren't staying in the houses (which is basically only my grandparents).
The only thing our parents could help with was paying for the one house and we are easily staying under $8000 including the 8 bedroom rental home and all wedding costs.
One thing to note is that people will insist they are going to come right up until the end. We are less than 2 weeks out and our list went from about 50 to 35 in the past 3-4 weeks. In my experience more people do this for a destination wedding than an at home wedding.

Miracle520 · May 2011

We just cancelled a big wedding to go the DW route and our families are being really supportive. We too have some family members who can't attend due to health and money. What we have discussed is just taping the ceremony on our flip cam (easy to do, easy up loading, and super small for packing) and we're going to record a nice message and post it online for them. Even FI's 80 year old grandmother is super tech savvy. It's not ever going to be the same as being there but it's as close as we can get them. Our hotel has wireless so we plan on uploading it for them between the ceremony and dinner. They'll be able to see it right away.

JessiiJ · May 2011

FI has been on the whole DW tip since we started talking all things wedding. I wanted an AHW, but surfer-boy needed his beach so badly that I not-so-willingly gave up my ballroom.
We've been met with mixed reviews on the idea, my mum is down (not surprising, my brother's DW set off the travel bug in her), my dad can't wait (very surprising... he hates anything to do with air travel) and my MOH is already shopping for bikinis. FI's parents want him to be happy, so they're coming for sure but have been pushing for an AHR for the last couple of months. FI's sister wants to be a part of the wedding, but keeps looking at different resorts for some reason :S
FI's friends have already committed to whatever it takes to get there... my friends on the other hand... well... not so understanding. I've lost a BM and possibly friend over this, and fewer people are coming out as not so keen on our wedding location, but oh well! IT's my day.

Cost-wise, wayyyyy cheaper and fewer headaches, so FI and I are sticking to our guns. We live in Toronto, Canada and unfortunately the cost of weddings keeps going up and up and up in this (not-so) lovely city. However, if things continue the way they are going... we might have to *bites nails* consider an AHR b/c too many people are offended at the fact that we're doing a DW and with him as the eldest and me as the youngest of our respective sibling lines a lot of people want to see us wed. If we do have an AHR, its so going to be envelope only... why spend $$ on something we don't want just to get 40 gravy boats.

Now, if you're considering a DW, keep in mind you have to have a tough skin and stick to your plan. The day is about you. If Grandma can't be there, do something before, during or after the ceremony to represent her. And possibly do something with her to have her part of the wedding. Maybe she can help you with some DYI projects?

waterous.m · May 2011

My FI and I never considered an at home wedding, it was DW the whole time! His family loves to travel, and I am the last of 5 kids to get married and my parents were over the traditional wedding. We have had tons of support from both sides and nobody has complained that I know of. We are having a big wedding as most DWs go, we invited 120 and rsvps are still coming in but I think we will have about 80 people traveling with us to KW. Our wedding is pretty pricey, but it would have been way more at home because we would have invited closer to 300 people. We wanted something smaller so that was out. Good luck with your decision!!

NZbride2011 · May 2011

Hi and Welcome. It was pretty easy for us to decide to do a destination wedding. This is my second marriage, so I've already had the huge California wedding. This is his first marriage, and is from New Zealand. Also, my family and friends can afford to travel more easily, as his family and friends cannot. So, New Zealand was our plan from the start, and we're so excited about all of it.
We aren't saving any money doing a destination wedding. We are still spending a mini-fortune on 3 days of events, meals, and lots of drinks. We're super excited and would not change one thing. But like the other ladies have said, you have to be prepared for some disappointment. I have some friends that aren't coming, and no one from my mother's family is going to be able to make it, including my grandmother. Those things are hard for me, but that is just part of the reality of having a DW. Good luck w/ your plans.

MrsBoss2012 · May 2011

You ladies are great! I really appreciate the responses, advice, and opinions. We talked with our parents this weekend and they will support us and be there wherever we choose. Right now I am so overwhelmed so I just need to take a step back from the wedding and breathe. I hope I get to stick around get to know everyone. We shall see.....

RP: Destination vs At Home Wedding

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